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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my monthly bills are FAR too high?

227 replies

Mysteriousgirl2 · 14/12/2023 20:14

Childcare £651
Food £450
Gym & swimming lessons £360
Car finance £325
Cleaner £240
Pet insurance £38
Mobile £17
car insurance £60
house insurance £92
Private pension £200

We are mortgage free. I take home about 2,200pcm and cover all the above costs.

I need to massively cut down, don’t I? 🙁

OP posts:
Babyenroute · 16/12/2023 07:30

Gym and swimming lessons seems extortionate to me but appreciate it might be for a specific reason

MarieG10 · 16/12/2023 07:42

Mysteriousgirl2 · 14/12/2023 20:14

Childcare £651
Food £450
Gym & swimming lessons £360
Car finance £325
Cleaner £240
Pet insurance £38
Mobile £17
car insurance £60
house insurance £92
Private pension £200

We are mortgage free. I take home about 2,200pcm and cover all the above costs.

I need to massively cut down, don’t I? 🙁

House insurance...mine is 10% of yours. The gym and swimming also very high

VisionsOfSplendour · 16/12/2023 07:50

MarieG10 · 16/12/2023 07:42

House insurance...mine is 10% of yours. The gym and swimming also very high

Show quote history

Unless you livon the OP's house what you pay for house insurance is irrelevant, you must know that it's unique to you and your house

For any type of insurance as long as you are getting the best value for money via comparisons sites that's all you can do. I never understand why people ask about any type of insurance, does anyone not know about comparison sites? They are asking the question on the internent so have the only thing you need to accesa all the quotes

Fullofthejoysofspring · 16/12/2023 08:04

Guibhyl · 16/12/2023 06:01

Right ok we finally have an answer about the mortgage. He is not “paying the mortgage” and that should not be counted as an expense. He pays the mortgage and gets ££100 more back in rent! so you can literally forget he pays that in terms of his “contribution”. It’s not a contribution, because it is then more than cancelled out.

So we are back to square one. He contributes £570 a month which is not equivalent to a job of 25 hours per week. So where is the rest of his money going? That is your answer to this whole debacle.

Agree with this.

@Mysteriousgirl2 where is your DH's money really going?

MarieG10 · 16/12/2023 08:09

5 bed stone detached with a number of additional high value items. Appreciate areas can impact along with previous claim history but if bog standard it seems high.

VisionsOfSplendour · 16/12/2023 08:28

MarieG10 · 16/12/2023 08:09

5 bed stone detached with a number of additional high value items. Appreciate areas can impact along with previous claim history but if bog standard it seems high.

It was explaine a couple of days back why the insurance is high

Oliotya · 16/12/2023 08:38

Mysteriousgirl2 · 15/12/2023 21:49

The £600 mortgage:

It’s actually my DH’s first house that he bought. He then worked hard to pay off his mortgage by overpaying on it. When we came to buy the house we live in now, we both wanted to pay from savings.

It was a run down project that you could not get a mortgage on. We didn’t quite have enough to buy outright, so my DH took a part mortgage out (remortgaged) on his first house to release some cash for our house purchase. By doing this, years on, we’ve now managed to gradually do up and own the house we’ve always wanted but would never be able to afford if it was already done up.

We’ve had a bit of a row about it tonight actually. He said if the mortgage was on our house we live in now, it would be split 50/50. It would be I guess. But he feels it’s unfair that he pays that mortgage and it facilitates us living here without a mortgage on this place. I can see his point, but the rent on his place just about covers the mortgage and gives him about £100 extra a month.

Show quote history

Your last sentence there is very telling. Clearly you have a DH problem. He'd like you to start paying half that mortgage? On top of everything else you already pay for? Why isn't he paying half the childcare bill? Why do you not know exactly how much he earns? I know with self employment it can vary, but surely you can add it up and average it out? If it's really that unreliable, he needs to get an actual job. A part time hobby job isn't adequate for a man with 3 kids.

Christmassss · 16/12/2023 09:07

This thread would have been such an easier read if the OP had included her and DH’s income and both their outgoings instead of drip feeding the necessary information.

Christmassss · 16/12/2023 09:09

We’ve had a bit of a row about it tonight actually. He said if the mortgage was on our house we live in now, it would be split 50/50. It would be I guess. But he feels it’s unfair that he pays that mortgage and it facilitates us living here without a mortgage on this place. I can see his point, but the rent on his place just about covers the mortgage and gives him about £100 extra a month

I am assuming he meant you would get half the rent then too.

Blueink · 16/12/2023 09:13

OP, agree the situation with DP is odd.

Although he is ‘paying the mortgage’ on the other property, in effect his account gets £100 credit every time he does that so it’s not an expense.

Unless he has other family outgoings, the split in family finances is unfair.

You are in a privileged financial position compared to most I would suggest (but not all,,as per some PP), but I wouldn’t be happy with the attitude of DH, you seem to be working really hard to be providing this but his position is a bit shady. I would be wondering where his money is going and want to even up childcare and gym costs.

His argument about what he would have if he didn’t make different decisions is just BS. We can all say that!

timesaretight · 16/12/2023 12:07

You have a cleaner, no sympathy from me.

Original poster
Mysteriousgirl2 · 16/12/2023 12:42

He is adamant that the mortgage payment of £600 absents himself from paying 1/2 the bills.

Quite honestly, I really dislike the house (which I’ve had to put a lot of money into) and would be better off leaving probably and reducing all my bills.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mysteriousgirl2 · 16/12/2023 12:44

timesaretight · 16/12/2023 12:07

You have a cleaner, no sympathy from me.

How nice.

  1. Do you have children?
  2. Do you have any family help with the children? We have none at all.
  3. Do you work 60 hours+ regularly?
  4. Do you have an autistic child?

Sounds like you are a jealous person.

I bet I do both more cleaning and work more hours than you.

OP posts:
Christmassss · 16/12/2023 12:46

He is adamant that the mortgage payment of £600 absents himself from paying 1/2 the bills

I feel frustrated with him on your behalf, his thought process doesn’t even make sense. The mortgage is costing him minus £100.

Original poster
Mysteriousgirl2 · 16/12/2023 12:51

Christmassss · 16/12/2023 12:46

He is adamant that the mortgage payment of £600 absents himself from paying 1/2 the bills

I feel frustrated with him on your behalf, his thought process doesn’t even make sense. The mortgage is costing him minus £100.

He says that it allows us to live in our current house.

He says that if the mortgage was on our own home, it would be shared. (I agreed with that one) But because he’s used the BTL to raise money so that we can live here without a mortgage, he says that’s why he won’t pay any more towards the bills.

I now realise how much I’m being taken advantage of. 🙁

How can you force someone to pay half the bills. You can’t, can you?

OP posts:
Blueink · 16/12/2023 12:52

Mysteriousgirl2 · 16/12/2023 12:42

He is adamant that the mortgage payment of £600 absents himself from paying 1/2 the bills.

Quite honestly, I really dislike the house (which I’ve had to put a lot of money into) and would be better off leaving probably and reducing all my bills.

Yeah, well it’s a nice try, but doesn’t stand up does it?

You are not living in that property and he’s not incurring any monthly expense.

Blueink · 16/12/2023 12:58

It seems like gaslighting OP, but you are already considering your priorities.

Family swims look a bit crap now when you’re covering his arse.

How much does he contribute to care of the children, cooking, housework?

Christmassss · 16/12/2023 12:59

You can’t force someone to pay half the bills.

It does sound a funny set up that he in that he isn’t contributing much financially (which is obviously fine) but normally the person doing less paid work would do more of the household stuff. Where as you are still needing to pay for the cleaner.

25 hours per week at minimum wage is around £1000 per month and it doesn’t sound as if he’s contributing this amount.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/12/2023 13:03

So he thinks that by paying the mortgage he is contributing more to the household

BUT

he forgets he is keeping the rent money to himself

he needs to hand over the rent money alongside the money he contributes each month for the utilities.

RMNofTikTok · 16/12/2023 13:03

@Mysteriousgirl2

It does seem a bit controlling and coercive that you have to spend every last penny on maintaining on your home and your children, whilst he has free income.

Are you married? It's not clear.

Either way, his income is half of yours, therefore he should be paying 1/3 of the total bills for both houses, and you 2/3, if you want a "50/50" relationship.

If he's working half the hours you are, I hope he is doing twice as much housework and childcare?

boobybum · 16/12/2023 13:04

I’m not going to even get into the issues you have with your husband and his ‘contributions’ but you mentioned that you have a dc with severe autism so I just wanted to check whether you are claiming DLA and mobility allowance and whether this increases any tax credits?

JamSandle · 16/12/2023 13:04

Get rid of the cleaner. Can you go to a cheaper gym?

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 16/12/2023 13:47

I’m really sorry OP this sounds such a horrible situation trying to convince your partner to contribute, I just don’t get his logic here at all. You are worked to the bone and yet he sits on his £600 because ‘he’ had to remortgage. No, as a family unit and parents you jointly decided to remortgage which enabled you to provide a wonderful home suitable for your x3 children.

I fully understand why you have a cleaner to keep on top of things, and that he is doing lots of the before / after school care etc. But, I couldn’t get over his selfishness around ‘his’ money when you are currently giving ALL your money to the pot. (SAHM here, 1 earner household so all completely joint).

Jacesmum1977 · 16/12/2023 15:48

Mysteriousgirl2 · 14/12/2023 20:57

Gym and swimming:

3DC swimming £30each/ month
So the swimming is £90/ month in total for group lessons.

Family gym membership for the 5 of us at David Lloyd is £270.

I’ve justified it before as it means we can all swim together after lessons at the weekend, and it is a monthly spend which we do instead of a big holiday each year. It keeps me going over the dark winter (we live rurally and going to the play area has been a godsend over the winter months) It seems extravagant on paper, now though.

Sorry if this has been asked already, why don’t you use Better health? Or another council provided leisure centre? It would be much cheaper than your current gym membership

cestlavielife · 17/12/2023 09:33

Keep the cleaner and david lloyd. Make your life easier.

Your problem is your dh witholding or counting the 600 he pays out but immediately gets back , which is covered by the rental. So it is not an expense for him /both.

Pool all money.

Or Sell the btl. How much equity is in it?