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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my monthly bills are FAR too high?

227 replies

Mysteriousgirl2 · 14/12/2023 20:14

Childcare £651
Food £450
Gym & swimming lessons £360
Car finance £325
Cleaner £240
Pet insurance £38
Mobile £17
car insurance £60
house insurance £92
Private pension £200

We are mortgage free. I take home about 2,200pcm and cover all the above costs.

I need to massively cut down, don’t I? 🙁

OP posts:
SleepingBeautySnores · 14/12/2023 22:49

It's really no good asking us if you need to cut down OP, if you can afford everything and aren't going into debt to do so, which you're obviously not as you have savings, I don't really see what you're worrying about? Do YOU feel you need to cut back and if so, why?

Borth · 14/12/2023 22:50

LindorDoubleChoc · 14/12/2023 20:45

I can't believe you are whining when you are mortgage free and are young enough to have children in childcare. You are extremely, hugely priviliged and better off than almost everyone!

Nasty piece of work and a bit jealous I suspect.

WiltshireMama · 14/12/2023 22:51

If you don’t have much disposable income after the bills are paid I’d cut the cleaner. Swimming lessons and gym seem high, but depends where you live, swimming lessons for us for one child is £30 a month and a gym membership would be £30 a month…

MyFirstLittlePony · 14/12/2023 22:56

I totally get where you are coming from and am in a similar scenario myself

DL is amazing as a place to go when it rains/half term/kids club/swim and sneaking in a sauna or yoga session for yourself… it was a lifesaver for me

we do not have a cleaner though, as DH works so little we do it between us

also no car finance but just a second hand Skoda

and yes to Lidl food shops

the DL thing is indeed the price of a 1 week term time holiday somewhere nice, and I’d rather have a place to run to on a cold wet February half term 😁

Luxell934 · 14/12/2023 23:02

This whole thread seems like quite a jump from your previous threads where you state your thinking of giving up work to run a b&b and stated you have other sources of income so could afford to do this. You also made one about giving up work all together to spend more time with your kids and said you can afford to do this too as you have savings and wouldn’t have to worry about money. But now you’re suddenly worried about your bills?

Itmwtoty · 14/12/2023 23:03

To be blunt, I wouldn't consider you to have a high enough income to have a cleaner and David Lloyd membership, certainly not both. You have savings to cover this but again they aren't things I'd feel comfortable spending savings on. Why do you need a cleaner if your partner works part time?

How old are the kids and how long will the childcare last?

You are paying an awful lot of money to David Lloyd on top of what swimming lessons would cost.

Somethings bothering you about money? What are you sacrificing to have David Lloyd and the cleaner? What else could you have if DH worked full time?

LorlieS · 14/12/2023 23:27

Wowser! How the other half live!!
My hubby and I both work ft and come out with about £3000 a month between us. We have three kids - two teenage boys (mine from my first marriage) and a toddler.
Our rent is £1,100 alone and CT is £249!! We have literally nothing left after the essentials.
Your lifestyle is luxurious to me!

MarieKlepto · 14/12/2023 23:27

So tired of posts aimed at getting us to froth but which make no sense. OP's outgoings are £200 more than her salary pm. DH is mysteriously paying out £600 in a mortgage for his rental which it's not made clear that isn't recouped in rent at even a small profit or break even. They grow their own food but can't shave anything off the £450 a month food bill. A lot of weight is put on on the gym membership which, if you are really toiling needs to be knocked on the head. Home insurance is crazy, shop around. As a family, clean your own house - another whack of money saved. Seriously, is this real?

justasking111 · 14/12/2023 23:28

Mysteriousgirl2 · 14/12/2023 22:16

I think he earns about 1200 pcm but he’s self employed so it is not regular and does short days for childcare, and only 4 of them at that. He is not a spender as he doesn’t get regular income so he’s very careful with money.

Show quote history

So he earns £12 an hour. My son at 18 earned that doing bar work. That's a very poor income. Can he improve his worth? The government offer a lot of grants, courses.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/12/2023 23:42

3kids and childcare seems cheap at £600 / £200 pc so £50pc pw?

Lessons £90- month seems ouch but not really as you have 3 kids

guess I pay £60 a month for private lessons of 5 in a group once a week so £15 a lesson

unsync · 14/12/2023 23:46

Some public sector workers can get special rates at DL - might be worth asking. I understand why you have it, it's a bit of a sanctuary isn't it?

Viviennemary · 14/12/2023 23:59

To afford your lifestyle then probably the second wage earner needs to work more hours. Cost of swimming amd gym seems excessive. Why do you think you need to cut down on your outgoings.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/12/2023 00:31

Where is the rental money going ?

or is the mortgage higher than £600 the OP's partner is paying ?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/12/2023 00:40

Mysteriousgirl2 · 14/12/2023 20:50

My DH pays for:

Council tax £200
Electricity £175 (roughly)
Fuel £170 (oil tank)
water £25

So, either you massively outearn DH or he's not pulling his weight financially. Which is it?

I have since read your updates that explain the earning disparity..

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 15/12/2023 00:51

Guibhyl · 14/12/2023 22:18

You’re still not answering about your husbands mortgage. It still doesn’t make sense. You say that he is only paying such a small amount towards household expenses because he pays £600pm on another mortgage. But then you say you rent that out? So how much rent are you getting for it? If it’s the same or more than the mortgage then this isn’t an excuse for him to pay less as the mortgage cost is more than earned back by the rental income. If he pay £600pm more in mortgage than he gets in rent then the house is costing you over £7k a year and you should sell it.

I suspect your DH is taking the piss financially. There doesn’t seem to be any justification for him to contribute so much less. If he works 25 hours a week then he should be on a roughly 0.6fte salary which should enable him to pay more than the 20% of household costs he is currently paying. So he either is wasting cash elsewhere or you are subsidising his hobby job and neither are fair.

I'm afraid @Guibhyl that OP's DH is probably "taking the piss" more than just financially. It looks more like the often repeated Mumsnet adage:
"you don't have a financial problem OP, you have a Dhusband one."

He works approximately 25 hours a week, so he can easily do the 4 hours a week cleaning that @Mysteriousgirl2 pays a cleaner to do. He would then have 29 hours a week accounted for, so if we are kind and say he only needs to complete a 38 hour week, then he can do another 9 hours a week of child care. None of which seems fare if the OP is really doing 60 hour weeks - DH needs to give some of his spare time up, so that Mysteriousgirl can have an evening off, whether that is a long quiet bath with a good book and a glass of wine, or going out with friends for a few hours on a Friday evening.

Of course, if the OP is really ok with the status quo in her family then everything I have said is redundant, but as she gives a good argument about why her financial spending is necessary or wanted and needed, then it seems to me that the main changes have to come from her DH. I think that she might know that deep down, but she needs us to say it, and to tell her that under these circumstances it is ok for her to ask her DH for a lot more input. He can either do that financially, or by lifting a lot of the OP's financial burden by doing his bit to keep the household both healthy and happy.

Covidwoes · 15/12/2023 01:18

I recognise that pay - teaching! It's a pittance isn't it for all the hours. Love how people on this thread are commenting on how ridiculous it is...the general public have no idea!

penjil · 15/12/2023 01:42

You need to be thankful you are mortgage free!

You couldn't have one with all those outgoings!

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 15/12/2023 04:48

If your dh is part time why can't he do the cleaning?
Mortgage on a rental that brings in rent. Does the rent not pay that mortgage?

HungryandIknowit · 15/12/2023 05:53

Slightly different view from me compared to a some others. I think your house and car insurance sound high. The car payment also seems high. I would choose to have a more boring car once the finance deal expires, to save on those items. Next I would cut gym, but it sounds like you use it a lot and it adds to your quality of life. I would keep swimming lessons for the kids if possible. The last thing I would do would be to reduce cleaners hours if you are working 60 hour weeks with 3 kids.

PlipPlopChoo · 15/12/2023 06:38

Why are the public sector making you do a 60 hour week for £2,200 take home?

Dacadactyl · 15/12/2023 07:24

merrymerrychristmasall · 14/12/2023 20:23

Jesus how do you get a phone for £17!

Looks reasonable to me but that home insurance seems very high.

We have 4 phones in this house and the monthly cost is £27 for all 4 of them.

EveWinter · 15/12/2023 07:43

Mysteriousgirl2 · 14/12/2023 21:35

Really, though? I know some people who blow £3240 on a family holiday (and we are a family of 5). The next week they are back in work like it never happened. At least with our swimming and gym we get to enjoy it year round. It’s just horses for courses I guess.

Show quote history

I get this. I have golf, country club, gym and spa membership at about £2500 a year, I get to go somewhere lovely and do something I enjoy all year round.

I do a few long weekends away a year but nothing else.

Ginmonkeyagain · 15/12/2023 07:48

@Mysteriousgirl2 the point is that £200 per month currently going in to an individual private personal pension will work a lot harder for you as an additional voluntary contribution in to your workplace pension. Especially seeing as you are a public sector worker so your workplace scheme is likely to be defined benefit, which is rarer than hens teeth in the private pension world.

Seriously, speak to your workplace pension provider about buying extra years or making regular additional voluntary contributions.

Strictlymad · 15/12/2023 07:49

It’s all about choices and priorities. Anything is justifiable depending on how important it is to you (not to anyone else!) We deceived we needed to love and have been absolutely rigid on spending for 3 years, dh earns 35k I’m self employed on approx 11k. We have 2 children and a mortgage. Not so much as a coffee out and no holidays. We saved 30k and should be moving in January. This isn’t to blow our trumpet but just to say things are doable if quite miserable at times for an end goal! So what’s worth more- the gym and the cleaner, or the savings that would give you. Only you can make that choice

Boomboom22 · 15/12/2023 08:14

Def pay all childcare through tax free childcare as you are eligible.
Sounds like dh should be doing more childcare and the cleaning which would save money.
You shouldn't work 60hrs, if an experienced teacher find a way. Of course you will have pinch points, eg I have mock to mark amd coursework to submit within 1 week of going back in Jan so will work evenings but I've fully prepped the first 3 weeks back amd made sure some of it is student led so lessons don't wear me out.
Personally I think 3.2k is better spent on fun all year than 1 week hol, we are a family of 5 and 1 spend 500 to 1000 on a nice 5-7 day holiday including travel (eurocamps / air bnb or booking.com). But it is high, is there not a council leisure centre you can get cheaper membership for? My kids do go private swimming now but when they were at the council leisure centre they got free swimming anyway so I could pay for me ad hoc or a membership. But if you work 60hrs do you go?