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Original poster

£35 present for school birthday party

109 replies

Qomolangma · 14/12/2023 18:23

DS has been invited to a school friend’s 11th birthday day party. For context, we know the family, and bump into them at the park and the children have visited each other's homes. I have purchased something costing £35, but my DH has gotten the hump, saying it’s too expensive.

He thinks £20 is sufficient, and that other parents will expect us to spend a similar amount on their children. I think £35 isn’t too OOO but he has gotten the hump, accusing me of showing off. They are a nice family that we know rather than strangers.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 14/12/2023 18:25

As long as you don't want it reciprocated it's fine although I would only spend more than £15 for a best friend, I wouldn't make a habit of it for acquaintances.

raysofhope · 14/12/2023 18:26

It is quite a lot to spend but there’s nothing wrong with some generosity if you are financially comfortable.

Thehop · 14/12/2023 18:27

We never spend more than £10 😂

BugsyDrakeTableScape · 14/12/2023 18:28

It is a lot! But as long as you're happy and can afford it then that's all that matters. It's a kind and generous gift

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 14/12/2023 18:28

They're not going to know that you didn't get a discount somewhere! If anyone remarks just say you got a good deal.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/12/2023 18:28

£35?!?!? DD’s best friend might get £15 spent on her but other friends get £10-12 spent on them.

mrshenny · 14/12/2023 18:29

Too much, by buying that gift for them, you are putting pressure on that family to spend that much back on your kid. What if they can't afford it?

I wouldn't spend more than £10 even if we could afford more!

IAmAnIdiot123 · 14/12/2023 18:29

I always stick to around £10/£15. Recently I found a present for my sons friend at half price, perfect. Bought it then my other friend said 'ooh you don't want it to look like you have spent too much, it will stick out'. I did give it to her in the end but I know for future 🤣

VisionsOfSplendour · 14/12/2023 18:30

OMG, that is a lot!

Singleandproud · 14/12/2023 18:30

I also think it depends on how many children you have, because I only have one I didn't mind spending a bit more on birthdays and general days out with friends. If I had more childre and we were buying for many more friends birthdays I would have spent less.

Citrusandginger · 14/12/2023 18:30

Do you have all class parties? I can't help thinking £35 x 30 + kids is a lot to spend in a year.

AdoringDavidAttenborough · 14/12/2023 18:30

I do think that's quite a lot. To me, £35 is what a very fond aunt or uncle might spend, rather than the parent of a school chum. I normally aim for £10-£12 too.

tuttifuckinfruity · 14/12/2023 18:30

It is a lot.

We tend to spend £10 or under.

Sometimes some cash plus a packet of sweets as I hate buying something that won't be used / enjoyed. Would rather they put it towards something they would like.

If it's something you know they would love, and you have the money I suppose there's nothing wrong with it.

Would they know it cost £35?

Pipistrellus · 14/12/2023 18:35

It's a lot. You are essentially raising the bar for the birthday child's family and others invited, others may feel pressure to spend more in future. Its best for all involved to keep things to what seems to be the mutually agreed value within a social group.

Hankunamatata · 14/12/2023 18:35

Crikey even dc best friends get £10

Baneofmyexistence · 14/12/2023 18:37

That’s a lot to me. I don’t spend that much on my nieces and nephews never mind school friends! But if you can afford it and expect that back then it doesn’t matter really!

LittleBearPad · 14/12/2023 18:37

£35! Shock

Original poster
Qomolangma · 14/12/2023 18:38

DH is really moaning. We have another birthday party soon and he thinks we’ll need to spend a similar amount because it’s a closer friend. He keeps saying that’s a week of shopping / bills, and it comes across as ‘showing off’

OP posts:
SquirrelRed · 14/12/2023 18:39

I never spend more than £10 for school party gifts. Even my own nieces and nephews only get £20!

SilverAntelope · 14/12/2023 18:39

It's too much

DuvetCovers · 14/12/2023 18:41

Yes that’s a lot.

VisionsOfSplendour · 14/12/2023 18:41

Qomolangma · 14/12/2023 18:38

DH is really moaning. We have another birthday party soon and he thinks we’ll need to spend a similar amount because it’s a closer friend. He keeps saying that’s a week of shopping / bills, and it comes across as ‘showing off’

And you can see that most posters agree with jim

WaitingfortheTardis · 14/12/2023 18:43

I spend £8-£10, I think that is about average around here.

DPotter · 14/12/2023 18:45

It is a lot. Actually it's the sort of amount that could cause embarrassment to the receiving family as it's so OTT.

Take it back- get something for £10-15

Kittenkitty · 14/12/2023 18:47

Its too much, especially if it really is a weeks worth of groceries for you.

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