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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£35 present for school birthday party

109 replies

Qomolangma · 14/12/2023 18:23

DS has been invited to a school friend’s 11th birthday day party. For context, we know the family, and bump into them at the park and the children have visited each other's homes. I have purchased something costing £35, but my DH has gotten the hump, saying it’s too expensive.

He thinks £20 is sufficient, and that other parents will expect us to spend a similar amount on their children. I think £35 isn’t too OOO but he has gotten the hump, accusing me of showing off. They are a nice family that we know rather than strangers.

OP posts:
WaitingForMojo · 14/12/2023 20:55

I think this must be a wind up?
a tenner is generous!

saraclara · 14/12/2023 20:58

I'd be horrified as the parent. Because I'd have been unable to reciprocate when mine were that age. I couldn't even have reciprocated at half the price.

You'd also make the parents of the other children feel awkward when they've spent a very standard £7.50.

I've spent less than £35 on my granddaughter's Christmas present..

Biffathesniffa · 14/12/2023 21:01

That's too much for a school friends birthday IMO.

Even for my kids best friends I think the max we've spent is £20.

Nieces, nephews and god children get 35 ish each for gifts, max. Maybe have gone a bit over on occasion with our god children but they've also spent alot on our kids over the years.

We could afford to spend more on the school gifts if we wanted to, but it's not the norm at all, and I think would make others uncomfortable / look like we're showing off.

Biffathesniffa · 14/12/2023 21:03

Also was expecting you to be really well off and confused about the etiquette, but from your DH comments about the bills, it sounds like you also have to budget? So this is doubly strange!

Abricot1993 · 14/12/2023 21:09

Reminds me of the children’s parties my SIL went to in Zűrich. There were Barbie dolls but for the pass the parcel and not even the big prize!!! A gift that is too pricey even if thoughtful is a worse situation than an inexpensive but thoughtful gift.

Chuckiee · 14/12/2023 21:14

I spend £10 and £20 for their best friends.

Comedycook · 14/12/2023 21:15

On my ds 10th birthday his friend came to his party and gave him a card and his mum had put a £20 note in it...very sweet of her but I thought it was far too much. I actually wondered if she'd stopped off at a cash point on the way and it was only giving out twenties 😂! Of course it meant that when her ds birthday rolled round I had to give the same amount.

Cnidarian · 14/12/2023 21:15

Are you bajillionaires?!! Way OTT, DH is right, thats what I spend on my parent's birthdays not a school friend. It's £10-12 for a random, up to £20 if you meet up regularly, never more than £20.

VikingLady · 14/12/2023 21:16

Wow, it's a fiver round here! Mostly stuff from the deals table in The Works.

WaitingForMojo · 14/12/2023 21:19

For a random I would spend a fiver or less - just some sparkly gel pens or a notebook from home bargains or something!!

For best friend maybe £10-15

I spent £25 ish on my own nieces!!

WaitingForMojo · 14/12/2023 21:20

£25-30 is what my kids’ grandparents spend, not a random child in school! Op, I think you have to take this one on the chin and see that you’ve misjudged it!

missymousey · 14/12/2023 21:28

£10 or under here.

Reesescheeses · 14/12/2023 21:36

Yes I’d be a bit surprised if someone had spent that much on DD. We only tend to spend £10.

let’s say he gets invited to 15 parties a year. £10 presents is £150. £35 presents is £525.

Mazuslongtoenail · 14/12/2023 21:40

Expensive gifts are not ‘generous’ but a little selfish imo. In that you pass on unease and confusion to the recipient. You feel good but they’re left feeling embarrassed or uneasy.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 14/12/2023 21:42

It's too much.

I'd feel really uncomfortable if my DC received presents costing that much from their friends.

£20-£25 max is appropriate. Less is fine too.

InOtherWords · 14/12/2023 21:43

Interested in why you spent £35. How much did you spend last year on that child/ similar children?

Sunnydays0101 · 14/12/2023 21:48

It’s far too much. £20 would be more appropriate. This family may now feel obliged to spend similar. They don’t sound like close family friends and even if they were, it’s too much. Return the gift and get something of smaller value.

How much have you spent on school friend birthday gifts up to this?

KindleGirlie · 14/12/2023 21:49

Good lord, it’s £5-£10 here depending on how well DC know the birthday child and what deals I’ve found.

MaryThorne · 14/12/2023 21:50

It’s a lot - I would normally spend £15 - £20 absolute max in the circumstances you described but it depends the circles you move in (i.e. wealthy or not).

DreamTheme · 14/12/2023 21:51

We spent about that on school friends that were best friends at that age. For others that were not close friends it was usually £15-20. If your husband is talking about other outgoings, can you afford it as that’s the real issue? I don’t understand the showing off comment, it’s £35, possibly more than others will spend but it’s not like you’re spending hundreds.

sunglassesonthetable · 14/12/2023 21:51

Wow! Way too much.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 14/12/2023 21:56

Have spent £10, £15, and even up to £50. Depends if you can afford it and also how close friends you are etc.

Teenagehorrorbag · 14/12/2023 21:57

Big primary party or a few friends at secondary? We spent £5 max at primary school 'whole class' parties (one year I issued cardboard cutout aliens with holes for two pound coins and suggested that would be welcome, which worked well). Secondary school is fewer kids and I do £10, or £15 for a really close friend. Any more would make the recipient feel they had to give the same back, so awkward......

Make sure you tell the parents you got a great deal on it, or something......

UsingChangeofName · 14/12/2023 21:58

If you live in very affluent circles, maybe that has become more normal, but for the vast majority of us, that is a LOT.
About 4x what many would spend, so it does look showy - I think your dh is right.

RoseMartha · 14/12/2023 22:06

Too much. I never spent more than £12 on my kids friends presents. If I didnt know them so well abt £8 or got something reduced.