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Original poster

£35 present for school birthday party

109 replies

Qomolangma · 14/12/2023 18:23

DS has been invited to a school friend’s 11th birthday day party. For context, we know the family, and bump into them at the park and the children have visited each other's homes. I have purchased something costing £35, but my DH has gotten the hump, saying it’s too expensive.

He thinks £20 is sufficient, and that other parents will expect us to spend a similar amount on their children. I think £35 isn’t too OOO but he has gotten the hump, accusing me of showing off. They are a nice family that we know rather than strangers.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 14/12/2023 19:35

Its a lot. At age 11, I'd have stuck £10 in a card for a school mate and £15 if a closer friend

easylikeasundaymorn · 14/12/2023 19:36

yeah that's loads, and DH is making a fair point, it would usually be the norm to spend more on a closer friend, so are you planning on matching/topping the £35 next week? If DS is going to be going to at least one birthday a fortnight that's going to add up to nearly a grand a year!

You haven't said how much you usually spend on birthday presents for DC's friends...if £35 is out of the ordinary why have you picked this particular birthday for this one friend to suddenly spend so much more? It all seems a bit strange.

Saschka · 14/12/2023 19:38

Totally depends on your disposable income! We usually spend £15-30 on a school friend, but a) we only have one child, two incomes, and currently have no childcare costs, and b) DS probably goes to 4-6 parties a year, not 30 like a poster upthread. It’s usually one item like a small LEGO set, or a jigsaw or craft kit.

If we had multiple children in nursery, or less income, or went to more parties, we’d spend less. Many parents put £10 in a card around here, and we are more than happy with that.

Goodadvice1980 · 14/12/2023 19:38

Keep the £35 present for the other child you know better & just buy a £10-15 gift instead for this child.

Out of interest, does your dh often moan about money in general?

Moreorlessmentallystable · 14/12/2023 19:45

That's a lot. I think £20 max

HardHeartedHarbingerofHaggis · 14/12/2023 19:51

£5 in a card for a classmate who isn't a particular friend, £10 spent for a classmate who they're friendly with, £15-£20 for a very close friend/family friend. £35 seems very over the top and a high bar to set, agree with your DH.

Theduchy · 14/12/2023 19:52

£10-15 for a school party.

APurpleSquirrel · 14/12/2023 19:56

I'd only spend that much on DDs BF - but we've known her since she was born & is more like a niece.
For most of DCs friends it's around £10.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/12/2023 20:01

That’s way too much. £10 / 15 tops.

Comefromaway · 14/12/2023 20:05

That’s a lot and could make the recipient embarrassed.

I’d spend £20-30 on a best friend we’d known for years but about £10-15 otherwise.

HamsterBanana · 14/12/2023 20:06

£35 is a lot for a school party.

Different if your children are best friends, I'd say.

Olika · 14/12/2023 20:11

It's too much.

Inyourwildestdreams · 14/12/2023 20:16

Qomolangma · 14/12/2023 18:38

DH is really moaning. We have another birthday party soon and he thinks we’ll need to spend a similar amount because it’s a closer friend. He keeps saying that’s a week of shopping / bills, and it comes across as ‘showing off’

@Qomolangma Out of interest - what are you planning on spending for the closer friend?

My best friend and I had kids around the same time. We spend around £30-40 on each others kids for birthdays. We take them on a joint day out for Christmas.
For close friends of the DC we’d do up to £20. Classmates/other parties would be up to £10.

Always happy to spend less though! We keep an eye out of deals and buy throughout the year to have a little stock of classmate presets that are ready to go 👍🏻

Favouritefruits · 14/12/2023 20:19

It’s far too much to spend on a classmate, saying that my youngest son got a fairly expensive Lego set off their school friend but I just assumed they got it cheap in a clearance sale.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2023 20:20

I usually spend £5-£10 so yeah £35 to me is a lot of money

MuddyBoots21 · 14/12/2023 20:21

I usually stick to £15-£20. That seems to be the 'going rate' round our way. Most of the time it's Amazon or Xbox vouchers now so it's easy to measure!

If it was an extra special friend I may do more but it would be for something that I knew their friend would really like and an actual physical gift. ie, sports training gear.

tescocreditcard · 14/12/2023 20:21

It's fine. If your DH wants to just spend £20 he can take over the present buying can't he.

4kidsx · 14/12/2023 20:23

At that age I stick to around £20, I do think £35 is a bit ott.

ToniTTtopaz · 14/12/2023 20:23

£20 absolute max for a friend even a close friend

Fionaville · 14/12/2023 20:26

That does seem a lot. It's usually around £10 spend for us. £20 for best friend and that's only since they passed the 10th birthday and DCs wanted to pick their best friends something special. You've not broken any unwritten rules though, so I dont see a problem with it.

RampantIvy · 14/12/2023 20:29

I used to spend between £5 and £10.
£35 is very extravagant for a school friend.

LittleBearPad · 14/12/2023 20:30

Fascinated by the people who think it’s an appropriate amount to spend. What do you spend on nieces/nephews, close friends etc

VisionsOfSplendour · 14/12/2023 20:31

tescocreditcard · 14/12/2023 20:21

It's fine. If your DH wants to just spend £20 he can take over the present buying can't he.

That's an odd way to look at it, she can spend what she likes with no regard to the family budget and the husband has to take responsibility for all spending to stop her?

She's not a child, it's pretty unreasonable to spend a week's shopping budget on a classmate's present

Bigdishlittledish · 14/12/2023 20:36

£35 is OTT, even if you can afford it, it just adds more pressure all round. The recipient may well feel the pressure to reciprocate when its your birthday. It's better etiquette to stick with the current gging rate which I'd say is around £10-15. Possibly £20 max if you live in a wealthier area.

LittleBearPad · 14/12/2023 20:51

Take it back OP and buy something more appropriate.