£35 present for school birthday party

[Qomolangma]

DS has been invited to a school friend’s 11th birthday day party. For context, we know the family, and bump into them at the park and the children have visited each other's homes. I have purchased something costing £35, but my DH has gotten the hump, saying it’s too expensive.

He thinks £20 is sufficient, and that other parents will expect us to spend a similar amount on their children. I think £35 isn’t too OOO but he has gotten the hump, accusing me of showing off. They are a nice family that we know rather than strangers.

I think it's too much as well. I don't spend that much on my great-nephews!

I think it's a ridiculous amount personally for a child that isn't as close a friend as others. And as a parent I'd feel a bit awkward if you spent that much on my child

Your intentions are lovely, that's great. However it is quite a lot. Although no one should give to receive, it does 'raise the bar' as another poster has said.

I live in a very affluent area and it is the norm to give presents between £5-10. I would think it was unusual if someone spent £35 even for a best friend.

Agreed! It absolutely has the potential to cause embarrassment.

£35 is a huge amount of money for a kid your child isn't even that close to.

That's a lot. I'd be embarrassed if I school friend gave that much because we couldn't reciprocate.

We spend £30 on my nephew's and £10-£20 on school friends depending on how close the friendship is..

Too much, I’m with your husband, especially if your budget is tight. That’s top end of budget for nieces/nephews in my book. £10 for friends and probably nearer £5 when they are at the stage of whole class parties and there is one every week.

I was embarrassed receiving expensive presents with my eldest. Some were a similar value to the main present I'd bought for my own child.

Way too much, I'd be embarrassed to receive it. Stick a tenner in a card with a bag of sweets. I'm assuming they're still primary?

Dts are in y7 and parties have changed massively, they get £25 to chose what they want for their 'bffs' but they will only have two or three parties a year now.

If DC received a £35 gift from a friend, I'd feel awkward. No doubt about it.
DC1 has a mixed friendship group with kids from a variety of demographics, including a few where I might think it had been nicked, so if it came from someone in her circle it would seem a bit unhinged.
DC2 friends' parents are all very comfortably off and probably have household incomes of x2 or 3 ours, but even so, nobody spends more than £15-20 on birthday gifts.
It's too much and your DH is right.

I think it's far too much and could potentially come across as a bit showy.
We spend £5-10 for a school friend, £10-15 for a best friend and only about £20-25 on nieces and nephews.

It would raise eyebrows as try hard unless they where family or lifelong besties (and even then its very top end).

Non of my own kids individual Xmas presents have cost that much.

£5 is average amount for kids birthday, £10 is generous and by about that age presents are waning in favor of cash in a card for most kids.

Husband is right. It does look like showing off. It is much too much and will make the recipients feel uncomfortable.

I think it’s a lot.

id say £10-£15 is enough possibly £20 at a push.

Team DH.

That's over 4x what most people pay out, in my experience. Friends are usually generous but you do get a few £1 colouring books with wax crayons and fivers in cards - all of which is gratefully received, obviously.

£35 as a one of doesn't sound much but you can't do that as standard - DS's class had whole class parties for 4 years of primary - in an average sized class of 30, that would be over a grand in presents per year!

That's a very expensive present unless you're both millionaires !

I don’t spend that much on nieces and nephews. It sounds like a significant amount for your family from what you’ve said too. I’d return it and buy something cheaper if you can.

£35 on a present for a child you hardly know?! 😱

I'm with your DH. YABU. £20 tops here. And that’s for children who are family.

I spend up to £10 but if it's a special friend then it's £15. £35 is a lot!

Got the hump? Wtf?!?

Team DH
I'd hate it if this happened to us as I'd feel like I'd need to reciprocate for your child's bday.

friends birthdays for kids are usually 10 max in my household, we have to many to be doing 35 presents, im sure your kid will get invited to all the partys now if they found out 😂

£35 is crazy unless you have a lot of extra cash. I spend around £5 on school birthdays.

Ideally I like to spend £5 but make it look like £10 😂 you do you though, absolutely no judgement here.