Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Buying myself Christmas presents

123 replies

Haydenn · 14/12/2023 11:39

Inspired by a thread a few days ago about buying couples presents I realised that as the single in my family I miss so much being treated at Christmas time. Whilst I will by presents for mum and dad, DB &DSIL, DS and DBIL and nieces and nephews I only get three gifts back and have to sit watching whilst they all have stack of gifts- from the grandkids, their children and their partners. It feels so grabby, but I miss the treaty things you wouldn’t normally buy yourself. Anyway despite being a normally frugal person I’ve taken £400 out of my savings and gone a bit crazy buying the perfect stocking fillers and some other treats.
Im starting to feel a bit guilty and like it is just wasteful and bratty. What would you have done in my situation?

OP posts:
ns87 · 14/12/2023 11:44

As a single woman, I do it too! I love it. It means I get exactly what I want.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 14/12/2023 11:45

Fantastic, enjoy all your lovely thoughtfully bought presents!

Wishimaywishimight · 14/12/2023 11:46

Why on earth would spending your own hard earned money make you feel "wasteful and bratty"? Honestly, sometimes people seem to look for things to feel bad / guilty about.

Stop being so flipping "frugal" and enjoy your money. It's nice to have savings but you need to live and enjoy yourself also.

notabigdeal · 14/12/2023 11:49

I think it actually sounds a bit unkind and thoughtless of your family to do big gift exchanges around you knowing that one person in the room gets so much less. Are you seen as the rich aunt by any chance, I think is is strange that the kids would buy for the grandparents and not for you if they are getting gifts from you for example.

BarbaraofSeville · 14/12/2023 11:50

Wishimaywishimight · 14/12/2023 11:46

Why on earth would spending your own hard earned money make you feel "wasteful and bratty"? Honestly, sometimes people seem to look for things to feel bad / guilty about.

Stop being so flipping "frugal" and enjoy your money. It's nice to have savings but you need to live and enjoy yourself also.

This. I don't understand all the knots people tie themselves up in over gifts and whether or not they're allowed to buy themselves things.

Surely as an adult with your own money, you're free to buy yourself what you want, when you want it, within reason? As long as you're budgeting sensibly and covering essentials both short and long term, what money you have left over is available to spend on things or experiences that you want.

Defiantlynot41 · 14/12/2023 11:52

I absolutely think you should treat yourself! And maybe next year, buy and wrap a few things each month (paperback book, bubble bath, candle etc) and pop away in a drawer - will be a surprise when you open them at Christmas

Mapleunicorn · 14/12/2023 11:53

It’s your money I think you are perfectly justified in treating yourself! I had my first Christmas as a single parent last year. In previous years my husband would have made me a stocking so I made myself one. It was lovely!

DancingDangerously · 14/12/2023 11:53

I'd do exactly the same, and I'd feel absolutely no guilt about it! I matter just as much as everyone else.

Wishimaywishimight · 14/12/2023 11:54

My absolute favourite treat for me is to order something fab from Jo Malone - it arrives in a lovely bag with tissue paper and a lovely box with the item inside. Feels thoroughly luxurious and decadent!

This year, I had almost talked myself into ordering the Advent Calendar but I thought about it too long and it was out of stock by the time I decided to go for it 🙄

Original poster
Haydenn · 14/12/2023 11:54

BarbaraofSeville · 14/12/2023 11:50

This. I don't understand all the knots people tie themselves up in over gifts and whether or not they're allowed to buy themselves things.

Surely as an adult with your own money, you're free to buy yourself what you want, when you want it, within reason? As long as you're budgeting sensibly and covering essentials both short and long term, what money you have left over is available to spend on things or experiences that you want.

Show quote history

I think the point is that these are things that I would not see as “within reason”. Things like an Estée Lauder skin serum. Normally these things would be out of my budget, but I just want them.

anyway good to know I seem to have a free pass on this.

OP posts:
DancingDangerously · 14/12/2023 11:56

Would you treat someone you love to something beautiful/something they really want/something that makes their heart sing, if they needed it and if you could afford it? If so, there's nothing wrong with extending that generosity toward yourself.

PralinaChocs · 14/12/2023 11:57

I am not single and I buy myself a few lovely Christmas gifts every year. I do most of the family Christmas shopping (several DC, my and my DH's parents, siblings, etc) because I enjoy doing it, and I also enjoy buying myself some treat things at the same time. I do get given gifts as well which is lovely, but I don't see an issue with a bit of self care in the form of a few extra pressies that I know I will love (I don't wrap them... I get them early straight from the shopping trip!)

Enjoy your gifts OP, I think it's great that you are valuing your own joy and giving yourself something a bit special. Have a lovely Christmas Xmas Smile

Original poster
Haydenn · 14/12/2023 12:00

notabigdeal · 14/12/2023 11:49

I think it actually sounds a bit unkind and thoughtless of your family to do big gift exchanges around you knowing that one person in the room gets so much less. Are you seen as the rich aunt by any chance, I think is is strange that the kids would buy for the grandparents and not for you if they are getting gifts from you for example.

I wouldn’t say rich aunt but I’m definitely seen as the generous one as I don’t have my own family to spend money on. I often have the nieces and nephews coming to me though the year if there is an activity or trip with the school that they want to go on for example. They don’t buy for aunts and uncles because the have 3 in our side of the family and 4 on the other, so the gifting would get quite heavy

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 14/12/2023 12:09

Haydenn · 14/12/2023 12:00

I wouldn’t say rich aunt but I’m definitely seen as the generous one as I don’t have my own family to spend money on. I often have the nieces and nephews coming to me though the year if there is an activity or trip with the school that they want to go on for example. They don’t buy for aunts and uncles because the have 3 in our side of the family and 4 on the other, so the gifting would get quite heavy

Show quote history

They ask you directly for money?

StarlightLime · 14/12/2023 12:11

It's not on, if you're on those therms, that they don't see the need to give you even a token gift at Christmas.

Caspianberg · 14/12/2023 12:14

Do it, I do and I’m not even single.
My dearest grandmother died this year and left me a little bit of money ‘ to treat myself’.

Jo Malone candle, Fortnum and mason nice hamper and a new large bird bath for garden.

ItsMyPartyParty · 14/12/2023 12:15

I agree, if the family ask you to fund stuff it’s not on for them to not be at least getting you a token something.

But that’s off track. As long as you’re not putting yourself in a difficult financial position, of course you should get luxuries for yourself! It’s not grabby , it’s your own money.

CrotchetyQuaver · 14/12/2023 12:18

I've always bought a Christmas present to myself, usually something I really really want but expensive - whether it's some gorgeous boots or a beautiful bag I'd feel guilty buying otherwise.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/12/2023 12:18

YANBU. Enjoy it. Xmas Grin

Sundaefraise · 14/12/2023 12:33

Gosh so reasonable, you should not feel guilty. I often buy myself a Christmas present, this year due to money problems it is a lovely mug, but if I had more i would definitely splash out.

myphoneisbroken · 14/12/2023 12:33

Good for you. I am single and always buy myself a few nice things coming up to Xmas and a nice jumper in the sales. I reckon that if I had a DP I'd be spending that money on them, and it means that I am not disappointed if the presents that other people get for me are not what I want.

MooBaggage · 14/12/2023 12:54

I'm newly separated and single(ish) and have bought myself a couple of Christmas presents in the last 24 hours - a journal for 2024, which seems very teenager-y, but I saw it on Instagram and thought sod it... And I managed to get a Billy Joel ticket for Cardiff in August 2024 - just one ticket so I can go and whoop and cry to my heart's content! 😁

Original poster
Haydenn · 14/12/2023 13:45

StarlightLime · 14/12/2023 12:09

They ask you directly for money?

Show quote history

Not money for anything day to day, but things like school ski trips or language trips that their parents can’t manage. Their parents never ask- I’m not obligated at all- just why I would be seen as the generous aunt

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 14/12/2023 13:56

Haydenn · 14/12/2023 13:45

Not money for anything day to day, but things like school ski trips or language trips that their parents can’t manage. Their parents never ask- I’m not obligated at all- just why I would be seen as the generous aunt

Show quote history

All the more reason that they'd acknowledge you at Christmas, if they had any gratitude at all for you stepping in like this.
Very thoughtless.

girlfriend44 · 14/12/2023 14:05

Haydenn · 14/12/2023 11:39

Inspired by a thread a few days ago about buying couples presents I realised that as the single in my family I miss so much being treated at Christmas time. Whilst I will by presents for mum and dad, DB &DSIL, DS and DBIL and nieces and nephews I only get three gifts back and have to sit watching whilst they all have stack of gifts- from the grandkids, their children and their partners. It feels so grabby, but I miss the treaty things you wouldn’t normally buy yourself. Anyway despite being a normally frugal person I’ve taken £400 out of my savings and gone a bit crazy buying the perfect stocking fillers and some other treats.
Im starting to feel a bit guilty and like it is just wasteful and bratty. What would you have done in my situation?

I would buy what I need, when I need it, and not buy and call it Xmas presents for myself.