Buying myself Christmas presents

[Haydenn]

Inspired by a thread a few days ago about buying couples presents I realised that as the single in my family I miss so much being treated at Christmas time. Whilst I will by presents for mum and dad, DB &DSIL, DS and DBIL and nieces and nephews I only get three gifts back and have to sit watching whilst they all have stack of gifts- from the grandkids, their children and their partners. It feels so grabby, but I miss the treaty things you wouldn’t normally buy yourself. Anyway despite being a normally frugal person I’ve taken £400 out of my savings and gone a bit crazy buying the perfect stocking fillers and some other treats.
Im starting to feel a bit guilty and like it is just wasteful and bratty. What would you have done in my situation?

Wow, that's really thoughtless that they get you little or nothing to open.

I think you need to scale way back on what you provide for others. One selection box per family, if that. Spend your money on yourself.

I agree that’s quite bad. I’d give a food hamper per family or something like that. And if I wasn’t seeing certain people on Christmas Day might just avoid presents at all.

If your nieces and nephews are more or less adults now I’d stop buying presents for them too since they’re not reciprocating.

I think generally there is too much present buying going on at Christmas anyway and there’s so many unwanted gifts which end up never been used or appreciated.

If they come to you for money, to me just shows how special a person you are and how relaxed they must be with you. Deffo the cool aunt

you only live once deffo treat yourself 🖤

Brilliant! Why not have a blow out and spoil yourself.

I’ve bought myself a bag of gifts over recent weeks as DH is so last minute and then will go for a trip or a restaurant and there’s nothing under the tree. So there is a bag for DD to wrap as her gifts for me and I let her loose in a shop to choose something random too. She doesn’t know nor care who got the presents she will wrap and I want her to see everyone getting gifts on Christmas morning.

I'm married with grown up children who all give me lovely presents but I still buy Santa presents for everyone including myself. 'Oh! Just what I wanted! He must have been watching all year! Etc'. There is nothing wrong with treating yourself if you can afford it; single or not!

I would disagree with you. I don’t think fair equals the same. The degree of closeness and involvement should be considered as well.
I also think it’s not fair of you to pay for trips if you can’t allow to treat yourself. You should come first for yourself, you deserve it.
if not for treats, think about rainy days, your siblings those who can’t afford Xmas presents for all aunts and uncles won’t be able to help you financially if something.
And I’m saying it as a loving aunt.

I’ve bought a couple of things I wanted rather than needed and am not allowing myself to use them until 25 December. Won’t go to the faff of wrapping as I hate wrapping! And anyway were luxury brands with lovely packaging! Can’t wait until Xmas to open my presents!

I always buy myself a christmas (and birthday!) present, normally in the form of a trip or a craft class.

If it's something physical, then I'll order it gift wrapped and it goes under the tree to be opened with the family on Christmas day - I say it's from the cats 🤣

Gifting as a singleton is hard enough to balance, I'm not going to go to the effort of buying 3-4 times the presents I receive and THEN sit there with none like tiny tim! (And I say that as someone who loves gifting)

I always buy myself a few beautiful gifts from the dog to open whilst dc are opening theirs. A few years ago I did buy myself the Jo Malone advent calender. It's sooo luxurious I only open a couple of windows a year...
Great fun. No reason not to value yourself.

Do their parents send them to ask you for the money ?
Sounds like they see you as an easy touch...and yet they can't be bothered to give you even a small gift to show their supposed appreciated. ??
Be kind to yourself and enjoy your treats.

I found your message quite inspiring. I am not in your situation but really do struggle to spend money on myself even though I love spending on others. I’m trying to break this habit and bought some nice nail varnish yesterday - but I love the idea of buying a full stocking of lovely things! Maybe next year…

I need to stop getting presents for myself now 😁.
Just bought myself a couple of cloth-bound classics - Little Women and Stig of the Dump. Both childhood favourites.

I always buy myself something nice for Christmas and something in the sales.

I stopped doing Christmas for a few years because I was spending a fortune on other people and as a single, childless woman I was never going to be anyone else’s Christmas priority. Now I put me first: usually I get big gifts such as a holiday abroad or a new coffee machine. This year it’s smaller stuff: two nightdresses, slippers, trousers, expensive scent, a couple of books, handmade chocolates . . . I may get some earrings if I can find some I want.

Spoil yourself!

Absolutely yes !

Enjoy every single item that you have bought yourself and don’t feel guilty ! You’ve earned it !

Buy yourself everything your heart desires and enjoy it!!

I was in a very similar situation - bought thoughtful gifts for DB, DSIL, DN & DN and was given 1 cd in return from all of them. DB used to moan constantly about the cost of 2 lots of private school fees, never directly asked for money but it was so flippin' obvious that I, as a single, childless professional I should contribute to his children's expensive education. His choice to send them to these schools and that his wife didn't work. Now NC for this amongst so many other things.
So basically yes buy what you want - your money to spend how you wish!

Well done!
I feel and do the same.
The greed and entitlement of parents is out of control.

They certainly see her as the relative/aunt with spare cash, or maybe even the generous aunt but not necessarily the cool aunt.

I don’t think feeling comfortable to ask your kids to ask relatives to pay for school trips, while not encouraging kids to give said relatives gifts at Christmas is necessarily is a compliment.

As a former pleaser I’ve learnt the hard way that people who come to you for help a lot and enjoy more of a one-sided relationship don’t necessarily think more of you or value you for being you.

There are better ways to show your aunt you think she’s cool 😎

@LaurieStrode and @ChocolateCinderToffee I agree with you. I do buy presents here and there but I don’t go all out every year for all family/friends like I used to. Last year I visited NYC in December as an early Christmas present to myself.

One of the things I enjoy most about being single is no longer having to tie myself up in knots trying to find an amazing present for a partner - then being upset that they can't be bothered to do the same for me, or even worse get it so badly wrong I feel gutted they don't know me at all.

My spending for myself goes through the roof in Dec! Love buying myself presents 'for Christmas' though I don't usually actually wrap them & put them under the tree because I often am away for Christmas and I'm too impatient & want to wear/use etc the thing the moment it arrives.

Absobloodylutely buy yourself the gorgeous gifts, put them all in a glamorous gift bag, and if you're all sat round opening together, unpack item by item and be mysterious about who they're from.

You are feeling guilty & beating yourself up for treating yourself, stop that! You absolutely deserve to treat yourself to whatever brings you joy! Learn to treat yourself with kindess also, don't beat yourself up, enjoy the things you have treated yourself to & don't feel bad about it not even one tiny bit. Life is so short, and van be so tough at times, and even more so being single. We deserve treats as much as everybody else, whether or not you buy them for yourself.

I dont have any other family otger than my child, and no partner, so the onpy gifts I get are what i buy myself or give my child money to buy me. Last christmas I decided to treat myself to some presents, I didnt have a big budget, but I got myself some lovely things, wrapped them when I wrapped my child's gifts, placed them under the tree on Christmas eve so that we could open presents together in the morning and pretended I didn't know what they were going to be haha, it was great because I liked everything I got 😄

Enjoy your lovely presents, and be kind to yourself x

OP I was in exactly the same position

I didn't want or expect the same total amount spent on me as on all of them but it was a bit of a piss-take when, having spent a few £100 on each family group (sibling, their partner, and kids, x 3), I got one small present back in exchange. And then repeated at birthdays. I ended up just saying lets not buy for adults any more, and I'll just buy for the kids.

Yes that meant I didn't get anything at all from siblings while still paying out for their kids but I didn't begrudge buying my nieces/nephews stuff, it still saved me money, time and stress overall (only having to buy 4 presents instead of 10) and tbh the presents I did get off them were rarely my taste anyway so no loss!