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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Buying myself Christmas presents

123 replies

Haydenn · 14/12/2023 11:39

Inspired by a thread a few days ago about buying couples presents I realised that as the single in my family I miss so much being treated at Christmas time. Whilst I will by presents for mum and dad, DB &DSIL, DS and DBIL and nieces and nephews I only get three gifts back and have to sit watching whilst they all have stack of gifts- from the grandkids, their children and their partners. It feels so grabby, but I miss the treaty things you wouldn’t normally buy yourself. Anyway despite being a normally frugal person I’ve taken £400 out of my savings and gone a bit crazy buying the perfect stocking fillers and some other treats.
Im starting to feel a bit guilty and like it is just wasteful and bratty. What would you have done in my situation?

OP posts:
OneLollipop · 14/12/2023 14:08

How old are your nieces and nephews? Funding their school trips (and them feeling close enough to you to ask you to do this, but not close enough to you to get you a Christmas present) sounds bonkers.

Original poster
Haydenn · 14/12/2023 14:15

OneLollipop · 14/12/2023 14:08

How old are your nieces and nephews? Funding their school trips (and them feeling close enough to you to ask you to do this, but not close enough to you to get you a Christmas present) sounds bonkers.

We are close- it’s not that they don’t feel close, but they just have so many aunts and uncles then it would be an expensive precedent to start. I’m also not sure I would feel comfortable with them buying me a present as the single aunt

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 14/12/2023 14:21

@Haydenn

All the more reason that they'd acknowledge you at Christmas, if they had any gratitude at all for you stepping in like this. Very thoughtless.

Sorry OP I agree with this. Even if they each only bought you a token but thoughtful gift to say thank you for being so kind and generous to them that would be something. 🌹

Dinoswearunderpants · 14/12/2023 14:22

Enjoy your presents!!

I always buy myself a Christmas gift. This year I spent a ridiculous amount on a new suitcase.

Runoutofinkagain · 14/12/2023 14:32

Ooh I'm not single but have been thinking about buying some extra special bits for myself.
What is on your list?

mylittleprince · 14/12/2023 14:35

How old are these nephews and nieces? I think I'd be expecting them to get you a present if they were my kids and you were helping like that!

Brefugee · 14/12/2023 14:36

what a brilliant idea, OP

SleepingStandingUp · 14/12/2023 14:38

mylittleprince · 14/12/2023 14:35

How old are these nephews and nieces? I think I'd be expecting them to get you a present if they were my kids and you were helping like that!

If your sister was helping your kids with a hook trips, you'd expect your kids to use theirs ocket money to get her something? Why wouldn't you make the effort to spoil her a bit yourself? It's YOU she's saving money.

SocksAndTheCity · 14/12/2023 14:40

I bought myself a new Neom diffuser pod and the shop put it in a lovely gift bag, where it will stay until Christmas (I ought to put it under my tree).

I've also ordered myself a gift box of brownies from Konditor Xmas Smile

Treesinmygarden · 14/12/2023 14:41

@Haydenn do they even bring back a gift for you from their trips?

I think you're absolutely right to treat yourself! I do, every year, and my mum used to do the same too. It's one way to be sure of getting something you like. It just gives you a little lift! Life is short!

This year I bought myself a pair of expensive boots!

StoodySmithereens · 14/12/2023 14:49

You fund their school trips & they get you eff all. I bet the parents put them up to it. I’m glad they’re not my family.

Brefugee · 14/12/2023 14:55

Haydenn · 14/12/2023 14:15

We are close- it’s not that they don’t feel close, but they just have so many aunts and uncles then it would be an expensive precedent to start. I’m also not sure I would feel comfortable with them buying me a present as the single aunt

Show quote history

i had 17 aunts and uncles growing up. I was in regular contact with 4 of them, and 3 of them took me on trips, bought me books and so on if we were out together. And every christmas i made sure they got something from me, without prompting from my parents (as i got older the presents got better)

in value nowhere near what they got me. But the gifts were always appreciated and i always got lovely thank you letters.

Your nieces and nephews need to up their game.

mylittleprince · 14/12/2023 14:55

@SleepingStandingUp oh I absolutely would be treating them, but depending on ages I would also expect them to buy a small present too.

But then my kids have been choosing presents for family members since they were toddlers who could pick out a packet of Jaffa cakes for grandads birthday as they know that's what he likes.

Bibbitybobbitty · 14/12/2023 14:56

Good for you. I agree uour family is pretty bad not giving you much when you are generous throughout the year it sounds.
I'm the only one of my siblings to have kids & have always made a point of my kiss needing to buy everyone even a small gift in return, often when smaller this would be home-baked cookies, fudge etc & I would give a larger gift as I'm very much aware they are buying for 5 of us (inclDH) where we only buy for 1 person or them+partners.

Alwaystired23 · 14/12/2023 14:58

Firstly buy yourself some treats and dont feel guilty. I'vebought myself some new things for Christmas this year! Secondly, I would be horrified if my dc asked my sister (who doesn't have children either) to pay for their school trips abroad. I would be so angry if my dc did that. What do their parents say? Sorry, but if you're doing that, your nieces and nephews need to make more of an effort and buy you something at Christmas. At least a token gift, box of chocolates, and a nice card thanking you for your generosity during the year.

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 14/12/2023 14:59

notabigdeal · 14/12/2023 11:49

I think it actually sounds a bit unkind and thoughtless of your family to do big gift exchanges around you knowing that one person in the room gets so much less. Are you seen as the rich aunt by any chance, I think is is strange that the kids would buy for the grandparents and not for you if they are getting gifts from you for example.

This really unless the children are young and even then their parents could buy you a token present from them.

I would definitely buy yourself extra gifts although I wouldn't wrap them up to open them in front of anyone else. Just enjoy them yourself.

FWIW I am married with children and I still do this. I have just bought quite a large amount of clothes (some I will return) as my gift to myself because apart from DH's gift, I won't get any others either.

Alwaystired23 · 14/12/2023 15:01

Haydenn · 14/12/2023 14:15

We are close- it’s not that they don’t feel close, but they just have so many aunts and uncles then it would be an expensive precedent to start. I’m also not sure I would feel comfortable with them buying me a present as the single aunt

Show quote history

Don't their other aunts and uncles pay for their school trips, though? Sorry, I know they're your family, and you love them, but I think they sound like proper cfs.

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 14/12/2023 15:05

Haydenn · 14/12/2023 12:00

I wouldn’t say rich aunt but I’m definitely seen as the generous one as I don’t have my own family to spend money on. I often have the nieces and nephews coming to me though the year if there is an activity or trip with the school that they want to go on for example. They don’t buy for aunts and uncles because the have 3 in our side of the family and 4 on the other, so the gifting would get quite heavy

Show quote history

Your explanation of the children having seven aunts and uncles being too many to buy for is fine but presumably they don't go to the other six aunts and uncles for money throughout the year? I honestly don't think this is right. Its one thing for a wealthy grandparent to do this but not an aunt or uncle. I would be very embarrassed if my kids did this.

I know this isn't what you asked and if you're happy to help them out then that is your decision but the very least they and their parents can do is make sure you are gifted something especially nice at Christmas in return for your generosity and kindness throughout the year to show their appreciation for being able to do things and go places they wouldn't otherwise be able to attend.

Absolutely buy yourself gifts and maybe don't be as generous to the children next year.

JustOneMoreBaileys · 14/12/2023 15:10

Good for you.

I like treating everyone so I never really begrudge anyone getting more from me than they give back. However, each year I 'secretly' buy myself a new piece of jewellery. I don't wrap it but I stash it away after checking it and don't peek again until Christmas Day when I allow myself to open it and wear it or add it to my collection for future wear.

Original poster
Haydenn · 14/12/2023 15:12

Alwaystired23 · 14/12/2023 14:58

Firstly buy yourself some treats and dont feel guilty. I'vebought myself some new things for Christmas this year! Secondly, I would be horrified if my dc asked my sister (who doesn't have children either) to pay for their school trips abroad. I would be so angry if my dc did that. What do their parents say? Sorry, but if you're doing that, your nieces and nephews need to make more of an effort and buy you something at Christmas. At least a token gift, box of chocolates, and a nice card thanking you for your generosity during the year.

Just for clarity the kids don’t just ask me. They will have already had clearance from their parents to ask the question- I’d never otherwise just give them money for an overseas trip without knowing their parents had already approved the trip.

anyway this seems to have descended into a talk about my family, I wanted more to have the go ahead to buy some nice things for myself- the partner kind of stuff. It seemed a bit decadent to buy things like designer face cream for myself- but it seems lots of you do it which has made me feel much better

OP posts:
Nanasueathome · 14/12/2023 15:13

I always buy myself a Christmas present
This Year I’ve bought myself a Toast dress in the recent mini sale.
My daughter saw a Lush gift set she really liked(wanted) so she bought it for herself and has wrapped it from my dog!

steppemum · 14/12/2023 15:13

OP - wrap some of these up and put them under the tree.
Then enjoy opening them on Christmas day while the rest of the family open theirs.

If asked just say it must be from Santa!

Gettingbysomehow · 14/12/2023 15:16

Grabby, wasteful and bratty are not words in my vocabulary.
I get what I want when I want if I can afford it on my budget.

oakleaffy · 14/12/2023 15:19

@Haydenn I bought myself a massive antique rocking horse on bow rockers-
Never had one as a child and always wanted one.
Don’t feel guilty!

Original poster
Haydenn · 14/12/2023 15:21

oakleaffy · 14/12/2023 15:19

@Haydenn I bought myself a massive antique rocking horse on bow rockers-
Never had one as a child and always wanted one.
Don’t feel guilty!

You are an absolute legend. I love this

OP posts: