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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have blown up at colleague

121 replies

CherryShirt · 13/12/2023 19:33

I have quite a loud/forthright colleague in my team of eight, not known for his tact - if it’s in his brain, it comes out of his mouth. It irritates me sometimes, but it’s not a major problem. Or so I thought!

In recent weeks, his bugbear has been that our team is unsociable; nobody ever goes for a drink after work, it’s boring, can’t we go out etc. I noticed he’s never tried to organise anything himself 🙄 but I thought, why not, and I said “Okay - let’s get something in the diary. When are good dates for people?” We agreed on dates and a venue.

A few days before, I asked him in general conversation if he was looking forward to Thursday. He said, “Oh yeah, I went to say - I can’t make it now”. I was quite taken aback and asked what had happened. He replied, “I’ve… made other plans?” (In other words, he got a better offer.) This is despite the whole thing being organised because he pushed for it. A couple of others then pulled out on the basis that they had only really been going because he’d made a fuss. In the end we just cancelled.

Anyway, tonight before leaving the office he asked people if they fancied a drink. No one was up for it. He got stroppy again!! Saying “God, you’re all so boring; why do none of you ever want to go out?”

I could NOT let that go. I said, “Excuse me, but I went to a lot of effort to organise a team night out, and you pulled out with zero explanation. You had the option to come out with us and you weren’t bothered. How can you say now that no one’s ever interested in going out?”

He looked a bit taken aback; he obviously hadn’t expected me to call him on it. Then he got defensive and said “Well why does everything have to be organised? Couldn’t we just go for a drink spontaneously? I’d love that”. I pointed out that most of us drive to work and that some have childcare to consider, so yes, it DID need to be organised.

As I was going I heard him muttering about me, why was I having a go at him, what was my problem… I gritted my teeth and ignored him and left. But frankly, I REALLY don’t want to socialise with him now, spontaneously or otherwise.

Was I wrong to point out what he’d done?

OP posts:
Overstudy · 13/12/2023 19:35

He's a child. You're not unreasonable.

Maray1967 · 13/12/2023 19:36

No, he needed telling. The spontaneous thing is very revealing - he clearly had no idea that some people have children to pick up.

Alarum · 13/12/2023 19:37

Not unreasonable. He’d drive me nuts.

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 19:38

You were more restrained than I'd have been!

Fern86 · 13/12/2023 19:40

He sounds super annoying

CombatLingerie · 13/12/2023 19:41

Can’t stand people like this. You did exactly the right thing OP in pointing out what he had done. What a plonker! He only wants to socialise when he feels like socialising. Every single time he mentions socialising I would say ‘well remember Bob you dropped out the last time socialising was organised and it’s your bleating that’s getting boring’!

Workawayxx · 13/12/2023 19:43

Yanbu. He wants company completely on his terms, at short notice, when he doesn’t have a better offer 🙄🙄.

Pumpkinpie1 · 13/12/2023 19:45

Well done 👏

Dacadactyl · 13/12/2023 20:12

He's a total div and you're 100% right.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/12/2023 20:13

Dacadactyl · 13/12/2023 20:12

He's a total div and you're 100% right.

I was gonna go for melt but div is such a better word

HelplessSoul · 13/12/2023 20:20

He sounds like a cunt. And acts like it.

He's the type that would order loads and make others pay for it.

Avoid socialising with this parasite.

LakeTiticaca · 13/12/2023 20:21

He sounds a right twat. I would have done exactly the same.
Glad I don't work him

Offcom · 13/12/2023 20:25

Sounds loathsome and like he’d be a total pain to socialise with (assuming he doesn’t get less loud/forthright when he’s had a glass of Chablis)

Inkypot · 13/12/2023 20:28

I love when AIBU is 100% in the favour of someone like you OP! I'm on the app so can't vote but you were not unreasonable in the slightest. Well done calling him out!

Americano75 · 13/12/2023 20:31

What a fanny, bet he's reeling for days. Well done!

stepintochristmas1 · 13/12/2023 20:33

Is he quite young ? Doesn't think about others who have to organize their lives . I mean most people over a certain age can't just pop down the pub at the drop of a hat , including men . He has a lot to learn .

bonzaitree · 13/12/2023 20:33

Sounds like he is pretty selfish.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 13/12/2023 20:36

Nope. He had it coming to him. Suprised you held out so long, frankly.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 13/12/2023 20:36

Have edited above post.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/12/2023 20:38

Ha, you were A LOT more gentle than I would have been.

RosePetals86 · 13/12/2023 20:39

If he has no responsibility of children outside of work he wouldn’t have a clue that things need organising with military precision!. Good on you for sticking up for yourself and your team!

EmmaEmerald · 13/12/2023 20:39

Maray1967 · 13/12/2023 19:36

No, he needed telling. The spontaneous thing is very revealing - he clearly had no idea that some people have children to pick up.

Even if you don't have kids, you could be meeting a friend, have a gym class...any number of things.

i'd be cross too OP. You did nothing wrong but don't organise or just bow to his whims again. If he wants a work outing, let him organise it.

Catsmere · 13/12/2023 20:39

I'd be wanting to tell him to go fuck himself after all that. Is he a wind-up merchant or as thick as two short planks?

Brefugee · 13/12/2023 20:40

of course the absolutely childish thing to do now is to secretly organise a "spontaneous night out out with colleagues and just all go without checking with him first

He's an arse and you don't have to do anything outside of work with him ever.

Behindyouiam · 13/12/2023 20:45

👏 well done!