To have blown up at colleague

[CherryShirt]

I have quite a loud/forthright colleague in my team of eight, not known for his tact - if it’s in his brain, it comes out of his mouth. It irritates me sometimes, but it’s not a major problem. Or so I thought!

In recent weeks, his bugbear has been that our team is unsociable; nobody ever goes for a drink after work, it’s boring, can’t we go out etc. I noticed he’s never tried to organise anything himself 🙄 but I thought, why not, and I said “Okay - let’s get something in the diary. When are good dates for people?” We agreed on dates and a venue.

A few days before, I asked him in general conversation if he was looking forward to Thursday. He said, “Oh yeah, I went to say - I can’t make it now”. I was quite taken aback and asked what had happened. He replied, “I’ve… made other plans?” (In other words, he got a better offer.) This is despite the whole thing being organised because he pushed for it. A couple of others then pulled out on the basis that they had only really been going because he’d made a fuss. In the end we just cancelled.

Anyway, tonight before leaving the office he asked people if they fancied a drink. No one was up for it. He got stroppy again!! Saying “God, you’re all so boring; why do none of you ever want to go out?”

I could NOT let that go. I said, “Excuse me, but I went to a lot of effort to organise a team night out, and you pulled out with zero explanation. You had the option to come out with us and you weren’t bothered. How can you say now that no one’s ever interested in going out?”

He looked a bit taken aback; he obviously hadn’t expected me to call him on it. Then he got defensive and said “Well why does everything have to be organised? Couldn’t we just go for a drink spontaneously? I’d love that”. I pointed out that most of us drive to work and that some have childcare to consider, so yes, it DID need to be organised.

As I was going I heard him muttering about me, why was I having a go at him, what was my problem… I gritted my teeth and ignored him and left. But frankly, I REALLY don’t want to socialise with him now, spontaneously or otherwise.

Was I wrong to point out what he’d done?

Tell him you all need time to organise it so you all have time to come up with excuses not to go out with him.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Obviously if you raised your voice or looked aggressive then you were abusive, but he certainly deserved a bit of abuse.

OMG that seems like dealing with a stroppy teenager. I really couldn't be doing with that carry on.🙄

See this is why I prefer wfh

He sounds like a brat. He probably doesn’t have commitments and is able to come and go as he pleases at the drop of a hat. The expectation that others can do the same seems foreign to him. I wouldn’t go out with him either. He’s a selfish little twerp. Glad you had a pop at him and put him back in his box. Good for you!

What a baby he is.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to abandon the thread! Just a couple of busy days.

We haven’t been in the office since (hybrid), so I don’t know if he’s still huffing and puffing, but one of my colleagues did message me to say “good on you” - she’d wanted to say something when he’d cancelled the original night, but thought it would cause a fuss.

Anyway, I’m very relieved by the vote and responses!

I have to say, this is a very odd take on it! “Enabling” him is quite extreme language. I didn’t give an addict money for drugs; I said a night out was a good idea and asked some colleagues for some dates that suited them! Obviously no one has to socialise with their colleagues if they don’t want to, but it’s hardly outlandish behaviour that shouldn’t be “facilitated”.

The problem was not that I (and others) agreed to a night out. The problem was that the person who suggested it then didn’t bother with it and complained that it had to be organised instead of spontaneous.

I won’t bother trying to organise another one, but that’s because it proved more trouble than it was worth - not because there’s something inherently weird about drinks with colleagues, as you seem to think 🙄

No your not unreasonable, some people are oblivious to how things work for others, only see things from their point of view.

My sister had a colleague who was always commenting on money and why didn't the rest of the team drive new cars like him, why didn't they wear designer clothes and go on trips like him. Took a lot for the rest of the team not to point out that he was in his 30's living for free with his parents while everyone else had mortgages and kids to pay for

Haha! He’s a bellend! Sorry! Good for you I say 😁

Of course you aren’t wrong. He sounds awful.

You slay, OP. I got so much satisfaction from your post.

He is one of those - "why doesn't somebody do something" people.

What a dickhead. Good on you OP.

He sounds like a gobshite who has no idea (or just overlooks) how peoples real lives work; with children and schedules etc. You were well within your right to tell him. He may go away and consider things now.

Wild guess but im pretty sure no-one wants to socialize because co worker is a wanker.

No. He needed telling.

Because grown ups have responsibilities, we can't just go out on the lash with no warning like overgrown teenagers.

I don’t want to give everything a label but I think he sounds like he has ADHD. Ridiculously spontaneous and just throws ideas out there all the time without thinking it through or recognising other people’s situations but then when asked to organise something to take in other people’s circumstances he just can’t do it.

But sometimes, wankers are simply wankers.