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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you find this offensive?

140 replies

Daisy995 · 12/12/2023 23:57

A guy I knew from school and from nights out recently messaged me on WhatsApp. Asking how I was doing etc. I’m 26 now and last time I saw him I was 21. We used to flirt quite a lot on nights out. His last message to me was ‘Can I ask you a silly question?’ I said ‘what question?’ And he’s put back ‘respectfully, are you still as attractive as you used to be when I last saw you?’ Aibu to think this is a rude question? I don’t get why someone would ask that?

OP posts:
EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 11:31

"Respectfully" (I know this is offensive but I'll try to soften it) "are you still as attractive as you were 5 years ago?"

Is not clumsy flirting.

It's clumsily trying to find out if op's looks have changed much and maybe get some pics - before he decides whether to bother continuing to communicate with her.

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 11:34

It actually suggests to me that he has seen - in real life, or on SM, pics of other girls who were also around in their social scene back then .. and thinks their looks have deteriorated; so he's cautious about the op (who, having responded to his random message after 5 years, he presumes is single, available, and open to getting involved).

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 11:36

He's 26 years old. That's not young.

When I was 26 I was married with a toddler and a newborn.

I am genuinely really happy for you that you've never experienced an arsehole. I do mean genuinely btw. There's just no way to write that that doesn't sound sarcastic 😂

But sadly you are in the minority. I would say most women have experienced far more toads than princes.

Some are more subtle than others.

I once got asked if I'd fuck someone because, and I quote, he hadn't got his leg over for ages.

It was a "hell no, piss off" but I had to respect his honesty. It's the sneaky ones that are the most annoying.

Week54 · 13/12/2023 11:39

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5128gap · 13/12/2023 11:52

"So I'm told. So, respectfully, you'd still be punching"

Disturbia81 · 13/12/2023 12:10

Grimchmas · 13/12/2023 00:07

Sounds hideous to me, like some pornsick creep who loses interest in over 25 year old women because they're "MILF" age 🤮

This. Run OP, please run.

TortoisePlayingMinecraft · 13/12/2023 12:14

I'd be tempted to reply "Not quite as fresh faced as I was since the chip pan fire".

But yeah 26 year olds generally look great, so he probably wants to know if you have turned into a fatty or not.

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 13:29

I once got asked if I'd fuck someone because, and I quote, he hadn't got his leg over for ages..

It's funny how men consider themselves smart yet fail to grasp the difference between most men's sexuality and most women's. Even though they are surrounded by evidence of it on every front;

Page 3, for men.
Static strip clubs, for men.
Prostitution for almost exclusively men, hetero, bi and gay.
Hook up sites over populated with men
Porn sites whose content makes it obvious they are primarily for men.
The vast vast majority of rapists, men.
The vast vast majority of sex offenders, men
Etc etc.

Yet they really think "want some dick?" is a valid approach to women. They really think a woman being single for a bit means she's desperate for sex etc.

Anyway, I agree - at least the dumb, clueless ones blurt it out, unlike the scripted ones who future fake and lie to get sex.

Even some women subscribe to it, I went on holiday on my own to Greece once because I was getting on badly with my partner and didn't want to be in his company, a family asked me to join them for dinner and the mother commented that the local men would think I was only there for one thing; I was completely taken aback and only replied "dressed like this?!" - because I was conservatively/boringly dressed, but what I actually wish I'd said was "they're delusional then, I can get that back home at the drop of a hat without having to pay for a fkg holiday to Greece".

Americano75 · 13/12/2023 13:40

'Even if I looked like Shrek you'd still be punching.'

IHeartBiscuits · 13/12/2023 16:37

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It's true that the ones with all the patter and love-bombing at the start are equally as bad in a different way but there is a middle ground. It doesn't have to be sleazy OR shallow/"clumsy"). I can well remember very clumsy, but nonetheless lovely and heartfelt compliments from younger years. What the OP describes is not one of them, in my opinion.

NalafromtheLionKing · 13/12/2023 16:39

“Absolutely, despite my 15 stone weight gain, hunchback and decision to stop showering more than once a month.”

Daisybuttercup12345 · 13/12/2023 16:50

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Or
Self praise is no recommendation.
How rude of him.

WarmWinterSun · 13/12/2023 16:55

Was it Leo DiCaprio? 😁

FinalCeleryScheme · 13/12/2023 17:00

Just tell him you’re now a man called Brian - pronouns he/his/him.

Isometimeswonder · 13/12/2023 17:08

Ask him 'Are you?"

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