Would you find this offensive?

[Daisy995]

A guy I knew from school and from nights out recently messaged me on WhatsApp. Asking how I was doing etc. I’m 26 now and last time I saw him I was 21. We used to flirt quite a lot on nights out. His last message to me was ‘Can I ask you a silly question?’ I said ‘what question?’ And he’s put back ‘respectfully, are you still as attractive as you used to be when I last saw you?’ Aibu to think this is a rude question? I don’t get why someone would ask that?

Reply 'no I now look like Grotbags, if you are trying to crack on to me then don't bother unless you have increased your physical prowess to the extent you would be able to wrestle a crocodile. L8rs.

More experienced maybe 🤷

In my 20s I would probably have been really flattered by that message. Yay he likes me woo-hoo. This is great.

However, I'm no longer that sweet, naive young woman. I'm a 50 year old menopausal crabby woman who's had decades of experience to fine tune my legover bullshit detector.

Been there, heard that, done the walk of 'shame'. Same shit coming out of different mouths time after time after time, year after year.

Your tolerance levels fall in the end.

Yep. In younger years, it might have struck as "ooh he likes me", but then you see it for the shallow lazy nonsense it really is.

I think it is hard to escape developing a healthy dose of cynicism that comes with experience in life.

@Daisy995 Do you like him? Sounds like he's trying to flirt?
I'm in my 40s so generally annoyed at all men but at 26 I wouldn't dismiss this.
Send back something like I didn't know you found me attractive. Have some fun. Nowt wrong with a bit of flirting.

Initially I was thinking that maybe he was just awkwardly trying to say he had a thing for you and working from that angle. But the whole older thing, he can fuck right off.

I don't know if it's cynicism as such though, in a blanket form. I'm not immune to a compliment . It's more being able to judge what constitutes a proper compliment.

If you want to connect, go ahead and reply. He could be the love of your life despite his clumsy attempt at flirting. You will never know if you don't reply. If he turns out to be a dick you'll know on the first date, then get rid. I'd be too curious to block yet!

My reply would be something like "hi there, how are you? What have the past five years done to you, still the same as ever?" or something similar to what he asked.

Life is a set of chances, and you won't know until you find out for yourself.

I'd ask- "you're older too, have you started to become attractive at all yet?"

I’m confused. You say you know this guy from school and “nights out recently”, then you say the last time you saw him you were 21 and you’re now 26?

After some advice 6 months ago friends ghosted my self and my husband after we helped them move they then proceeded to bad mouth us on Facebook fast forward 6 months they have what’s app wanting to reconnect I’m still really pissed off given no explanation at the time what should we do

@KimberleyClark I re-read it and realised she probably means "and from nights out, recently texted me"
He recently texted her
Not recent nights out

I think(?)

You will get good advice if you post your own thread on this.

It’s a come on, a back handed compliment, he’s saying you were very attractive. He isn’t great at flirting is he.

I would have to say no. No he is not.

"Hey are you still hot or did you get a bit fugly with a couple of years on you" does not exactly get the heart a fluttering.

Stomach a heaving perhaps but the heart remains unfluttered.

I didn’t say it was a good come on or flirt, in fact the opposite, but cmon, this is clearly a back handed compliment meant light heartedly. He’s not really expecting her to say no, I got ugly. He’s expecting her to say, even hotter mate or meet me and find out.

The guy is only 26 its a bit of clumsy flirting! You obviously used to like him @Daisy995 msg him back

Yes it does look like that is what she means! Thank you.

I know.

You said he isn't good at flirting is he.

I said no he is not.

I'm not sure why he would expect your looks to change that much in such a few years. He's dropping hints that he's still interested. Not the greatest chat up line but then read your texts. Do you come across as anything special? Probably not. If you like him enjoy it for what it is. Don't over analyse it or look for stuff to be offended about.

He's not flirting, he's clumsily asking if OP has put a significant amount of weight on!

This.

No wonder so many MNetters get into shit relationships; greener than fresh cut grass.