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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you find this offensive?

140 replies

Daisy995 · 12/12/2023 23:57

A guy I knew from school and from nights out recently messaged me on WhatsApp. Asking how I was doing etc. I’m 26 now and last time I saw him I was 21. We used to flirt quite a lot on nights out. His last message to me was ‘Can I ask you a silly question?’ I said ‘what question?’ And he’s put back ‘respectfully, are you still as attractive as you used to be when I last saw you?’ Aibu to think this is a rude question? I don’t get why someone would ask that?

OP posts:
Back21970 · 13/12/2023 09:24

Give him a chance!

He was just flirting, I wouldn’t say it was exactly a red flag.

Rubbish patter, I agree but it was a compliment and it would amuse rather than offend me 🤣

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 09:26

I'd presume his train of thought went something like;

  1. Single now, after 5 years, need a woman.
  1. Not meeting anyone easily, is there anyone I used to fancy & who fancied me from before?
  1. Ah yeah, op - I'll drop her a line to see if she responds. She's responded so she's probably single and presumably up for it (she was always flirting with me before) ....
  1. But - no photos to check she's still fit - what to do?! She could have piled on the weight like many people do. I know, I'll ask her if she's still fit and maybe she'll send me some photos to sell herself to me.

Cringe.

And quite arrogant.

NotExactlySuits · 13/12/2023 09:27

It is offensive though because he qualifies it with 'because you're older now'. Therefore older people = mingers.

So he has zero interest in you as an actual person, just wants to know whether he should bother his dick with you, thinks 25 is 'older' or at least old enough to be unattractive to him, and thinks saying 'respectfully' means he can follow it up with any old shite.

In. The. Bin.

pinkyredrose · 13/12/2023 09:28

Ask him if he's more attractive than he used to be.

RudsyFarmer · 13/12/2023 09:28

He’s asking that as he’s trying to set you up for a booty call at some point and wants to check up front if you’ve gone rogue looks wise. He sounds pretty awful OP so block.

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 09:28

NotExactlySuits · 13/12/2023 09:27

It is offensive though because he qualifies it with 'because you're older now'. Therefore older people = mingers.

So he has zero interest in you as an actual person, just wants to know whether he should bother his dick with you, thinks 25 is 'older' or at least old enough to be unattractive to him, and thinks saying 'respectfully' means he can follow it up with any old shite.

In. The. Bin.

Yeah he's 5 years older too.

Has op asked him if he looks the same - no. Because she's not a fkg dickhead.

savemytimezone · 13/12/2023 09:29

LuluBlakey1 · 13/12/2023 00:15

As you are now ancient at 26, I'd reply 'No, I have aged significantly of course and now have lots of wrinkles on my face and body, lizard like skin on my arms, my hair is almost white and I am quite stooped.'
Then block him.

Love it! 😂

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 09:30

The reply he deserves is - what about you? Is your hairline the same? Where are your photos online?

"Respectfully".

presentadvice · 13/12/2023 09:31

Blankspace4 · 13/12/2023 01:06

We all age at the same rate!

if you like him, continue the flirty banter. If you don’t. Don’t. Easy!

As someone firmly in mid life, I can categorically state this is not true.

presentadvice · 13/12/2023 09:32

pinkyredrose · 13/12/2023 09:28

Ask him if he's more attractive than he used to be.

😁

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 09:33

Therefore older people = mingers.

Or is that older women?

Funny how he's not leading with a comment about his looks, or a recent photo. But he feels it's appropriate to ask op about her looks.

NotExactlySuits · 13/12/2023 09:35

The funny thing is I think I'm way hotter/sexier now at 39 than I was at 21! I don't think I'm alone on that - most of my mates I think feel the same.

Bearpawk · 13/12/2023 09:40

I think it's an attempt at flirting. Like he's not actually checking you are 'still attractive' he's trying to say he used to fancy you

C152 · 13/12/2023 09:41

Yes, I would find it offensive and rude. I wouldn't bother responding and I'd block him.

Z1hun · 13/12/2023 09:43

Turn the question back on him and ask him if he still looks like a dick

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 09:45

It's not an attempt at flirting.

He put "respectfully" because he knows it a potentially offensive question.

He just wants to try to find out if op's looks have changed - presumably because he has no access to recent pics of her.

It's a qualifying question (does she qualify for continued contact), not flirtation.

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 09:45

Urgh.
Do you still look the same age as before or have you succumbed to the devil that is aging.

That's just not a compliment in any way. Have you still got an unlined face, rock hard tits and nipples that can poke an eye out and if so, fancy a shag?

Honestly, I'd reply probably not. Why do you ask?

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 09:46

Most 26 year olds won't have significant lines or sagginess, I reckon it's really a weight question.

Week54 · 13/12/2023 09:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/12/2023 09:48

I would reply "Alas, the years have not been kind Sad" and attach a photo of a 100 year old woman with no teeth and a wicked grin. Then block.

EyeInTheSky23 · 13/12/2023 09:50

"Yeah I am, so I'm still out of your league.
Thanks for checking in though".

Week54 · 13/12/2023 09:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NoNoNanette · 13/12/2023 09:55

LuluBlakey1 · 13/12/2023 00:15

As you are now ancient at 26, I'd reply 'No, I have aged significantly of course and now have lots of wrinkles on my face and body, lizard like skin on my arms, my hair is almost white and I am quite stooped.'
Then block him.

Don't forget the bingo wings!

Springcleaninginsummer · 13/12/2023 09:56

Maybe he was always an arse but the OP has only just had it brought to her attention.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 13/12/2023 09:57

It’s not in the least bit offensive. It may not be welcome though, he’s just trying to flirt.

People get offended over way too many things these days!