To think that if you’re the white parent of a mixed race child in the U.K., you should educate yourself about race issues and racism?

[Yabberwocky]

Just that, really. You should make an active and consistent effort to inform yourself, try to understand what your child might be dealing with, recognise microaggressions, that sort of thing.

I’ve been musing about my own childhood and upbringing. Wondered what people thought.

Mixed race children tend to grow up in the culture that their mother is from. If their mother is a black British woman but their dad is white, they are more likely to grow up in a black British culture and vice versa. Not to say that obviously they don’t have some influences from the other side, but the culture predominately follows the mother.

I agree with OP, white women with mixed children absolutely do have an extra responsibility to educate themselves on the issues the other side faces, as even though they would have been brought up in a white culture where ‘no one sees colour’, your children will most definitely face these issues at some point in their life.

I am mixed race and I dont really agree with you. I think any understanding about racism is naturally going to come from the minority parent, but that the child, as a mixed person, may have feelings and experiences that neither parent understands. I also don’t think anyone should make assumption about the likely experiences or feelings of the child. Just meet them with curiosity and kindness as you would any child. I fundamentally don’t really find that the concept of ‘microagressions’ works for me, so that’s not something I’d communicate to a child.

Yes. But it should apply to everyone, not just parents of mixed race children.

This isn’t true ime. Mixed people are usually treated as mixed, which might have its own issues.

I would teach them all the positives about their culture and to be proud of it and to feel secure in themselves no matter what others think or say - but to know who they can talk to if they have any problems or are unsure about anything.

For me I think teaching them that they will probably be effected by racism and that they are likely to face prejudice and discrimination because of who they are is just going to make them feel unsafe and like they are already on the back foot, already a victim.

I wouldn't do that to my disabled child despite him facing similar challenges so I wouldn't do it a mixed race child.

IME mixed race children often suffer racism from both sides.

Not just racism but how to care for there mixed race childrens skin and hair too 👀
I'm a white mum of 4 children 2 of my DD has suffered at the hands of white children being racist.
My DD9 was asked if she had brown skin and punched and my DD7 was told she was "halfcast" and that the other child's skin was better then Dd's brown skin...lots of other things and as a family of colour our family has been a target in an all white Area.
I'm educated and won't stand for anything in regards to my childrens skin&hair!

As a white mum to mixed race children I have done exactly this and make sure I actively call out micro aggressions and blatant racism to ensure my children are safe. I never realised how racist this country was until I had my children and I already thought it was pretty racist based on what I’d seen there dad go through.

All the “obviously” type replies show lack of understanding in themselves I know white parents who I think are racist themselves and I pity there poor kids who have no connection to their heritage.
Im sorry if this was your experience OP I wish white parents would do better and stop thinking that all children are created equal. My child’s first experienced
racism at nursery when she was 2! And before anyone says kids can’t be racist at that age, she was told she was ugly because she’s black, thankfully because of The way she was raised she said she had black girl magic and knows she’s beautiful so it didn’t affect her at all.

I imagine that most people with mixed race children will already understand racism pretty well given the they have (or have had) a partner of a different race

I once dated a black man and it was eye opening to see the level of racism that he experienced.

I think, yes, you should, in the same way that you probably want to educate yourself about anything that might affect your child.

Yea, I think it's essential to support your child.

The post specifically states ‘parent of a mixed race child in the U.K.’, so if you grew up elsewhere, it’s not relevant to you/your upbringing. I suppose the reverse would be relevant in your case - your mum having awareness of the constant racism in your childhood.

How is what your DH’s responsibility? What does he have to do with anything?

And I should add, I'm mixed race myself (but no black parent) so I wasn't ignorant of racism, but it was eye opening to see that as a black man, he experienced it at a whole different level.

I think that the experience of racism can be very different depending on the unique characteristics of the person. It's not a generic thing.

I feel exactly the same as the poster that said they try to educate themselves but worry about fully being able to advocate for them. Thats how i feel.

Because we have a child. So he is a white parent, the type op is making assumptions about

I don't think white people can always recognise the subtle racism the via little passing comments. As the non white person i've had to tell one of my friends when somebody has made a racist comment about her mixed race child.

@Bature the point of my comment, which I thought was clear, was that the idea that racism addressed to mixed race people is not all or even mostly coming from white people, in my experience.

I deeply disapprove of critical race theory and this idea that white people are the baddies in all circumstances and need to educate themselves etc etc.

Even the other day, I met a new colleague who recently immigrated to London, from my home country and home town even. I was kind of excited as you can imagine, and told him I was from the same place, and I was going to ask him what city region he was from and other small talk. His immediate response was "you don't look like you're from there. Your name doesn't sound like a [nationality] name either."

I felt like a popped balloon.

Total nonsense to say white people in particular need to be educated on this stuff, in the uk or elsewhere.

What assumptions?

And, from my observations, your 1/4 Asian child is unlikely to experience much racism in the U.K.. However, if they did, it would be your DH’s responsibility as their parent to be aware of it and support them, surely? What part of that is it that you find unreasonable?

See my comment above.

Just to borrow a woke phrase but it sounds like you're dismissing my lived experience hon. Unless you're white, you're kind of proving my point

Obviously NBU but times were different then

I am biracial but white passing. The people who I have experienced most racism from are my family on both sides. The white side of the family having a charming habit of pointing out my n#@#£#r nose, and the jamaican side say that I am guilty of cultural appropriation if I don't straighten my hair.
I am aware that there are other politics at play, in that my grandmother on my dad's side got pregnant at aged 14 during WW2 and my dad was brought up by his very strict Irish catholic grandparents, and always thought that his mother was his sister. To add to the fun, my grandfather was married!
So basically, the Jamacian contingent think that I have slutty red hair, and that I have no right to have my hair curly because I am "appropriating a race and a place in the family that I have no right to claim."
When I talked to my family about this, he said it sounds like race isn"t really the issue here, it is that my looks are a reminder of my grandfather's affair. DH thinks that my Dad's family are fucking are fucking toxic.

So, the members of the majority population in an Asian country (including your own family) were constantly racist to you growing up because you were mixed race, but you cannot fathom that mixed race kids growing up in a majority white country might be on the receiving end of racism from the majority population there? Really?

I know of someone who was sacked because they did something that they didn't realise started as a microagression and escalated into racist actions. (My partner who is white and ND intervened but it was too late as the person had done it before.)

Oh and oddly the ND people I know and worked with are the least offensive. So being ND isn't an excuse.

Nothing in that comment addresses what I’ve asked. And I’m unclear as to where I have dismissed your lived experience. I haven’t commented on it at all.

Some mixed people actually look more like one of their parents than the other, and so get treated by society like that.

In families, siblings can look completely different ethnicities due to looking more like one parent than the other and so get treated by society completely differently to another sibling.