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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you’re the white parent of a mixed race child in the U.K., you should educate yourself about race issues and racism?

237 replies

Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 21:56

Just that, really. You should make an active and consistent effort to inform yourself, try to understand what your child might be dealing with, recognise microaggressions, that sort of thing.

I’ve been musing about my own childhood and upbringing. Wondered what people thought.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/12/2023 22:01

Yes. Although I think that everyone should try and learn about racism and other injustices.

Illegallyblonder · 12/12/2023 22:02

Er yeah, obvs but what’s your point?

toomanyleggings · 12/12/2023 22:02

Definitely. I would.

silvafishling · 12/12/2023 22:05

When many ww with bm don't even respect bw knowing their partner came from one how do you think they are going to educate their kids about racism in the UK... 🇬🇧

I have mixed children with a wm partner and we are wanting them to embrace both their heritages and not just mine or his. My partner is very open about race and always listens to any grievances I have and he has also witnessed racism towards me and our kids on quite a few occasions.

theduchessofspork · 12/12/2023 22:07

of course.

Obviously it’s far from perfect now but I can imagine the awareness was a lot less in say the 80s.

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 22:19

Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 21:56

Just that, really. You should make an active and consistent effort to inform yourself, try to understand what your child might be dealing with, recognise microaggressions, that sort of thing.

I’ve been musing about my own childhood and upbringing. Wondered what people thought.

What about white parents with white children? Do they not need to learn about racism? Sounds a bit odd to me!

Original poster
Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 22:20

Illegallyblonder · 12/12/2023 22:02

Er yeah, obvs but what’s your point?

Lots of people don’t. And it’s apparently not obvious to everyone, as currently a third of voters think AIBU.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 22:21

silvafishling · 12/12/2023 22:05

When many ww with bm don't even respect bw knowing their partner came from one how do you think they are going to educate their kids about racism in the UK... 🇬🇧

I have mixed children with a wm partner and we are wanting them to embrace both their heritages and not just mine or his. My partner is very open about race and always listens to any grievances I have and he has also witnessed racism towards me and our kids on quite a few occasions.

That’s a bit of an over generalisation you have there.

Neitheronethingnortheother · 12/12/2023 22:22

YANBU OP but you are going to get lots of people deliberately misunderstand you OP

But as a mixed race child whose white parent refused to acknowledge the other side of my heritage or that my experience of the world might be different to hers I totally agree with you

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 22:23

Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 22:20

Lots of people don’t. And it’s apparently not obvious to everyone, as currently a third of voters think AIBU.

Show quote history

I haven’t voted, because I think your whole point is pretty racist.

Original poster
Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 22:23

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 22:19

What about white parents with white children? Do they not need to learn about racism? Sounds a bit odd to me!

Show quote history

It would be nice if they did, but that’s not what this post is about. I’m specifically asking about taking steps to support your child as they experience racism.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 22:24

theduchessofspork · 12/12/2023 22:07

of course.

Obviously it’s far from perfect now but I can imagine the awareness was a lot less in say the 80s.

Edited

It really really was.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 22:25

Neitheronethingnortheother · 12/12/2023 22:22

YANBU OP but you are going to get lots of people deliberately misunderstand you OP

But as a mixed race child whose white parent refused to acknowledge the other side of my heritage or that my experience of the world might be different to hers I totally agree with you

Yup. You get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 22:26

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 22:23

I haven’t voted, because I think your whole point is pretty racist.

Show quote history

Do you? Your mind must be a fascinating place.

OP posts:
AndOnAndOn1000 · 12/12/2023 22:26

No I don’t need to.

Grew up and went to school with multiple races, had lots of friends and no one EVER judged.

My best friend is mixed race and has been for over 25 years.

As far as we were all concerned we were all just the same. Flesh and blood.

No issues or upset EVER.

Maybe we were all just really lucky in those days.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 12/12/2023 22:27

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 22:23

I haven’t voted, because I think your whole point is pretty racist.

Show quote history

What on earth

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 12/12/2023 22:27

AndOnAndOn1000 · 12/12/2023 22:26

No I don’t need to.

Grew up and went to school with multiple races, had lots of friends and no one EVER judged.

My best friend is mixed race and has been for over 25 years.

As far as we were all concerned we were all just the same. Flesh and blood.

No issues or upset EVER.

Maybe we were all just really lucky in those days.

So because that was your experience you don't think racism exists?

Original poster
Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 22:29

AndOnAndOn1000 · 12/12/2023 22:26

No I don’t need to.

Grew up and went to school with multiple races, had lots of friends and no one EVER judged.

My best friend is mixed race and has been for over 25 years.

As far as we were all concerned we were all just the same. Flesh and blood.

No issues or upset EVER.

Maybe we were all just really lucky in those days.

You’re saying that your mixed race best friend has never experienced racism in his/her life? And that your other friends of multiple races have never experienced racism in their lives?

OP posts:
ColleenDonaghy · 12/12/2023 22:31

YANBU to think that, but YABU to judge your parents by current standards. Views have changed, and I bet they thought they were doing the right thing by not drawing attention to your ethnicity.

TinyRebel · 12/12/2023 22:32

Absolutely. I have a white colleague with a mixed race child and she says the most cringeworthy racist things, which I can’t repeat on here. It’s appalling, but we can’t challenge it because she can’t possibly be racist as she has a black son!

NightTimeRain · 12/12/2023 22:34

I'm mixed race and never experienced racism (well not from a white person). Not sure why thats hard to believe.

Original poster
Yabberwocky · 12/12/2023 22:36

NightTimeRain · 12/12/2023 22:34

I'm mixed race and never experienced racism (well not from a white person). Not sure why thats hard to believe.

I’m genuinely pleased for you.

OP posts:
MeMyselfandCake · 12/12/2023 22:39

Absolutely. My kids are mixed race and although I do my best to educate myself, I worry at some point I won't be able to properly advocate for them.

purpleyberet · 12/12/2023 22:40

This reply has been deleted

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silvafishling · 12/12/2023 22:45

@Soontobe60
I'm just saying what I've experienced and witnessed and I did say 'some'.