To be annoyed at having to organise what everyone else's gifts

[Lolasyms]

Mine and OH's family have been constantly bombarding me with requests for idea's for gifts for Christmas. I've been happy to send them lots of ideas, telling them about what the children are interested in (lego, art etc ) even commenting that they could do with some pjs or clothes. However it's never good enough, they want me to send them pictures, links or sometimes are even offering to transfer me the money so I can buy the gift. AIBU to be irritated at this, they're adding to my already overwhelming to do list and I feel like it sort of goes against the whole point of gift giving. Im happy to confirm wether or not they have something, but I don't want to do everybody else's shopping!

Well don’t do it then?

They may huff a bit but if you give them a spiel about being very sorry but you’re busy I’m sure they’ll get over it.

I hate this too, I don’t mind giving suggestions so much but it’s more when people want you to do all the work for them.

Particularly irritating from certain family members who for a recent birthday asked we could order it, wrap and it and give it to our dc on their behalf (they live locally), it just shows a total lack of care for the dc which is really insulting tbh.

I’m on the fence.

I hate waste so prefer to be asked for ideas than they buy a random item that isn’t wanted or is a duplicate.

However it is annoying when once again I have done the work of getting the DC to cough up some ideas, negotiating out the unrealistic ideas (puppy anyone?), sitting with them to choose the exact colour/version they want, often buying and wrapping the item myself, and then someone else gets to say it’s from them!!

I’m getting to the point where I’d like to say how about we just all buy gifts for our own DC and stop the charade. Think grandparents would be upset though, they want the DC to have “something to unwrap” (money/vouchers not exciting enough) which is “from granny & grandpa” (even though it’s not really).

My MIL has sent me a “I’ve transferred you some money to get the kids something” increasingly closer to Christmas each year (last year was Christmas Eve) always after I’ve finished shopping and wrapping myself. I know it’s because they don’t far about gifts (very generous just not big on Christmas) but kids are little so they still love something to open. 🤦🏼‍♀️ this year I’ve just guessed at how much they might send and pre done it… probably will shock me now and have something themselves

This is the dream and what I’m working towards🤣

I shop early as stuff goes on sale before Christmas, am usually totally done by mid-November. I used to make the mistake of getting the kids’ presents then having to come up with more ideas when the inevitable ‘any suggestions?’ messages arrive in December. Now I allocate things on the list to the ILs and GPs and deliberately don’t buy them. This year sending the links wasn’t enough, I’m ‘good at going online’ so I got to buy them all AND have the gifts sent to their house. MIL isn’t daft, she likes the glory so will wrap and label and glow with pride when the kids unwrap them😂 I don’t mind, but what I’m thinking is why don’t we cut out the charade, send me the money at the start of November, I’ll buy the stuff when it’s on offer, and everyone will get better gifts and spend less🥳

I will normally ask my uncle what to get my little cousins but I didn't this year. I've got them books as the last couple of years they have gone down well. I used to ask my sis in law what to get to for my niece and nephew as I only ever saw them in the school holidays and their likes were changing continuously this year they turned 15 and 12 and I'm giving them money as I asked them what they would like and they didn't have a clue! I would much rather give them a gift but there you go! I would never ask people to send me links how stressful.

I just created an amazon wish list and when someone asked about what the kids want I just sent them the link, problem solved.

Make a shared document (shared with OH) add things that kids ask for, mention or you see through the year. When family ask, OH can share doc with them. They delete things as they buy them. If there's not enough on there, they choose for themselves.

I feel your pain, DD's birthday is within a month of xmas and it drives me nuts to have a double load of present queries/random massive things from Amazon arrive that I'm supposed to wrap

I would much rather people ask me! I send people picture ideas, sizes etc. I hate people wasting their money on things my dc won’t use/wear etc

I love it when people ask for links - so much better for them to buy my DC they need/want than some random gift that they dont like/wont ever play with/already have.

Its much less work for me to send them a link to what they want than manage the fall out when they dont like the gift or already have one.

I often have no idea. I give details of interests usually. Then let people decide. When pushed by elderly relatives I’ve actually done the shopping for them - not just for my children but often much of their other shopping too.

however we have agreed with a lot of folks this year that we will just put money in our respective children’s bank accounts and save for them. We keep a notebook with where people have given money within the account. It works well.

some relatives have also just given money for savings and maybe a selection box.

this has worked really well.

I do this but it doesn’t solve the problem, I still have to populate the list. I’m coming up with ideas and I want to use them myself so I then have to decide which ideas I want to give away and make sure there are enough decent options in different price ranges left for each gifter to choose from. It’s the coming up with enough ideas that’s the metal load.

This is basically my life. My Mum is 81 and seemingly incapable of coming up with present ideas, it gives her anxiety, so I do all her shopping for the 4 of us. Hubbie's parents live in Oz, so they put cash in our bank and I have to source and wrap all the presents for the kids from them. I have 2 step-sisters who mostly ask me what to buy for the kids and my brother in-law also asks my husband for specific suggestions. However my husband always asks him what to buy their kids first so can't complain about that too much. My sister is the only one to buy for the kids and not ask me what to get, but it's not always successful. Therefore maybe it's better to just send everyone links.

Totally feel this, I'd get it and then people would duplicate gifts because I'd sent out a mass list to everyone or they'd come back asking for sizes or colours or whatever. I've even been sent the gifts to be wrapped by my SiL one year! I ended up doing an amazon wish list for each child, throughout the year I just add to it whenever one of them mentions anything. That way I just give all the grandparents and aunties and uncles access - they're welcome to go rogue and buy something not on the list of course (im not answering any questions or commenting on it though), and if they're stuck it's there and when one person buys from the list then Amazon automatically deletes it - so no more duplicates!

I feel you, oh we would love a (insert).... which one?? hang on let me research and send you links of different price points so I'm not rude

Now just use gifster app

That phrase "it's the thought that counts" seems now to mean "here's some chocolate/- naff present/something your mum told me to buy, when it was meant to be THOUGHT! I thought about you and thought you'd love this pink gremlin wearing a diving suit ...

This was happening to me too. In laws and my own parents transferring me money to allow me to but the children what they wanted. I had enough when I was asked just to buy my own present for my birthday. Now I've set up an amazon wish list which I just send round!

Create an amazon list (or another shop), update it throughout the year and when family ask send it to them. I do this now for both kids, me and DH. We also have a joint house one. So much easier. You dont get multiply of the same thing and you dont have to remember what you told each person to buy to stop duplicates.

Wishbob
its an app, get it. You add everything to the list, with links. If you think of something else you add it to the list. Then when everyone asks you just send them the link. When they click through the link it will ask if they have purchased the item. If they do it will show on the lists as already purchased.
it’s a life saver for me!

I get your frustration as at this point you kind of expect them to get it so you don’t have to buy it. But They might not get it because you’ve sent them only one item and it might be out of their budget. Maybe send them 2-3 ideas in different price ranges and ask them to let you know what they end up getting

@Luckylu123 That’s the frustrating part, the things I suggest are usually around £10-15 (sometimes less) and they usually spent about £40 on DD on various different things which is incredibly generous but I’d rather they just didn’t ask in the first place! I’ve stopped suggesting things I know she’ll really love because I know she won’t end up getting them. The gifts they give are lovely so I don’t know why they ask, I’ve started being a bit more generic now, slippers, PJs etc so then it doesn’t matter so much if they don’t get it.

Tell the kids to text whoever's asked. I'm sure they'll be able to give ALL the details

I would just send your child’s bank details. Then after Christmas you can decide whether they need any more presents and you can go by them together. If not they’ve got savings in their bank that might mean a lot more to them in the future when they need a house deposit.