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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at having to organise what everyone else's gifts

123 replies

Lolasyms · 12/12/2023 14:19

Mine and OH's family have been constantly bombarding me with requests for idea's for gifts for Christmas. I've been happy to send them lots of ideas, telling them about what the children are interested in (lego, art etc ) even commenting that they could do with some pjs or clothes. However it's never good enough, they want me to send them pictures, links or sometimes are even offering to transfer me the money so I can buy the gift. AIBU to be irritated at this, they're adding to my already overwhelming to do list and I feel like it sort of goes against the whole point of gift giving. Im happy to confirm wether or not they have something, but I don't want to do everybody else's shopping!

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 12/12/2023 14:20

It's annoying but what can you do? Just send them a link, that way, at least you'll know what their getting and can avoid buying it yourself.

Hadalifeonce · 12/12/2023 14:23

I feel your pain, relatives stopped asking after several years of me saying We have no idea what to get them either, but child A likes football/cricket/Duplo or whatever, and child B likes......
Only yesterday DH asked if we should ask his sisters what to buy their DC, he was surprised when I said absolutely not.

Allfur · 12/12/2023 14:25

People are so lazy, surely part of gift giving is sorting it out yourself

Olika · 12/12/2023 14:27

Gosh that would drive me mad. I would tell them not to bother if it's so difficult. But that's because I have no patience.

Nottodaty · 12/12/2023 14:28

I split it - I deal with my family requests and gifts, Husband deals with his family - though he needs prompting recently when I asked what he was getting his nephews!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2023 14:28

Well surely send all of OHs family on to him so he can deal with his side. Amazon wish lists are great if they want stuff off there, you used to be able to add from other shops too

PetrifiedForestNationalPark · 12/12/2023 14:29

I feel your pain, although on the plus side at least you know they'll buy things you like.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 12/12/2023 14:30

Set up a whatsapp group with you, Dh and his family, call it Christmas presents..... leave the group

Yoyoban · 12/12/2023 14:33

I would much rather choose my own presents for nieces and nephews but honestly kids these days have so much stuff - and their interests change regularly - it's really difficult to pick something they'll actually like and don't already have/ aren't getting from someone else. I tried for a few years coming up with my own ideas but after repeatedly being told it's something either they won't like or they already have it's a lot easier - for everyone - just to ask for specific ideas.

If you don't know what your own kids would like you can hardly complain about others - who don't know them so well - not knowing either

Lemonyyy · 12/12/2023 14:35

No yanbu, I've had this since fucking September from some corners of DH's family and I just want to scream at them all to fuck off at this point!!

Sleepyteach · 12/12/2023 14:36

I don’t mind people asking what DD wants, if I think of stuff in the run up to Xmas I make a list on my phone and just send an item to them or give them a rough idea E.g. I told my cousin that DD wanted a new bag and she likes glitter and rainbows. I’m not doing anyone else’s shopping for them though! What really winds me up is when someone’s asked for a specific idea and then ignores it, I don’t mind people going off list but don’t ask and tell me you’ll get it in the first place if you aren’t going to get it! It also winds me up when mine and DHs parents ask me what he wants. All I do is ask him and then text them back. I’ve got enough to do coming up with my own ideas.

Bootoagoose123 · 12/12/2023 14:37

Yep this drives me absolutely crazy. And what's worse is that my family still like the illusion of choosing themselves so want a full list to select from (with links etc) but then I have to co ordinate everything to make sure they aren't duplicating- its that or create a different list for everyone! And trying to be sensitive to different price points when no idea what they want to spend!

Needmorelego · 12/12/2023 14:40

What will happen if you don't do it? Do they not get presents?
If you really don't want to send a list (a half an hour job on Amazon?) just ignore the requests and see what happens.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/12/2023 14:43

A friend of mine once had her mum and aunt go through all the presents she had bought for her daughters, and pick out the things they were going to give the girls. They handed my friend a cheque, and waltzed off, leaving her to do her Christmas present shopping all over again. She was not best pleased.

I’m the one who has to think of presents for everyone in my family and dh’s - plus both dh and I have December birthdays, so that is more presents to have ideas for.

I must admit that, for a number of people, I have defaulted to some sort of edible gift - I know it isn’t particularly inspired, but everyone can use some fancy biscuits, chocolates or preserves at Christmas. And it isn’t more stuff that may not be to their taste, or that they’ll have to find room for.

MummyFriend · 12/12/2023 14:47

YABU. This happens to me and I LOVE it! It means my children get things that they would really enjoy, and the family feel warm and fuzzy because the children love the gifts they're given. We started doing it because we kept getting duplicate gifts, or things that didn't fit, etc., but mostly, our family is lovely and they just want to do their best to make sure the children are happy (even though they're sweet kids who don't expect anything and would be grateful for as much as a hug!).

They often mix in some things that they've chosen themselves, or gift surprises (though most of the time they double check we haven't already got them first), and that's fine too.

ZekeZeke · 12/12/2023 14:59

I would get them to send you money and buy a really nice gift from teetotal.
Much rather this than getting a load of crap

Vuurhoutjies · 12/12/2023 15:03

I have the same with in laws. Except they only tend to ask me on around 18th December, or later. Drives me mad.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 12/12/2023 15:07

"Not sure this year. It's probably best to ask them"

ChiIIieP · 12/12/2023 15:10

This doesn't bother me at all, I'm grateful that my kids are being bought things and if people want me to show them what they like I'm happy to do that. I'd rather that than duplicate gifts or things that won't get used.

Auntieobem · 12/12/2023 15:11

I feel your pain too. My mum generally tells me (rather than ask!) to get something from her for my DDs from her. Which is doubly annoying when she tells me this the week before Christmas... This year I'm going to tell her to just give them money.

familyissues12345 · 12/12/2023 15:15

My family do the same, we have two sons (15 & 20) and I find it hard enough to find enough presents from us, never mind thinking of something for someone else to buy! I always say they'd be happy with a bit of chocolate and some cash, but it's never good enough, so I always get lumbered with buying something

OdeToBarney · 12/12/2023 15:15

Yanbu. It's annoying! I don't mind giving pointers, age/size, likes and dislikes. But I'm not doing your shopping for you!

chickensandbees · 12/12/2023 15:18

I agree completely. I was asked for suggestions from in-laws and then I suggested something and was told it's probably easier for you to get it and we'll transfer the money. Easier for who??? Not for me.

They used to ask for a list but then I'd be waiting to know what they were going to buy before I could get the other things on the list, so now I just give them one option.

TBF it's not just them it's my family as well. And as the DDs get older they're more difficult to buy for and can't think of things they want either. Money is easy but some people want to give them a gift.

It's exhausting!!

SlurpSlooChortle · 12/12/2023 15:21

OP I get this every year. It evolved into me sending links, to me actually buying and dropping them round. (Even wrapping them for MIL)
Then people wouldn't want to transfer money back, so I had cash from them that meant I had to go into town to pay in at the bank or be overdrawn. It was such a faff.
I put a stop to it this year as I cannot afford it and the world hasn't exploded so it turns out these family members could manage it afterall.

gamerchick · 12/12/2023 15:25

Send a message telling them you've got enough mental load of your own and you're not taking on other people's as well. If they want links or just want to send money, then to speak to your fucking husband and he can do it.