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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at having to organise what everyone else's gifts

123 replies

Lolasyms · 12/12/2023 14:19

Mine and OH's family have been constantly bombarding me with requests for idea's for gifts for Christmas. I've been happy to send them lots of ideas, telling them about what the children are interested in (lego, art etc ) even commenting that they could do with some pjs or clothes. However it's never good enough, they want me to send them pictures, links or sometimes are even offering to transfer me the money so I can buy the gift. AIBU to be irritated at this, they're adding to my already overwhelming to do list and I feel like it sort of goes against the whole point of gift giving. Im happy to confirm wether or not they have something, but I don't want to do everybody else's shopping!

OP posts:
ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 13/12/2023 06:57

Dh does his family

ichundich · 13/12/2023 07:05

My family is exactly the same!

Mummyme87 · 13/12/2023 07:13

For kids it’s hard. People don’t want to duplicate, plus what they like changes. So I give suggestions to relatives from the lists I have. Adults my family (sister and mam) ask is there anything specific… if not just nice suprises

bananamangoes · 13/12/2023 07:20

Could you create an amazon list?

Autumnleavesarefallingdownagain · 13/12/2023 07:37

Wouldn’t I just be easier if everyone bought for their own children only? With maybe a token, chocolate Father Christmas etc for nieces, nephews etc?

Dashel · 13/12/2023 07:41

Set up a bank account or Premium Bond account and ask for money? Can’t you just say they have already lots of toys and clothes but will need money for a house deposit/ car/ uni in the future

JollyJunee · 13/12/2023 07:41

My sister in law used to send absolutely loads of tat. Which she ordered on Amazon, and arrived in individual cardboard boxes. Then she expected me to wrap it all!!
It was all plastic, cheap crap. Utter crap. She bought my 45 yo husband (her brother) who runs a successful business, plastic beer cufflinks…
The whole lot went to the charity shop.
Zero thought to any of it. Don’t give in, OP. You’ve enough to do. Let them sort it and if it’s crap give to charity shop.

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · 13/12/2023 07:42

I've had to order presents for my kids, receive them here and send them to DH relatives to wrap. I just said "they need pjs" and gave sizes, but apparently only I know which ones to get.

Auntieobem · 13/12/2023 07:46

Pickpocket · 13/12/2023 06:30

Yes, I get this every Christmas and birthdays, it drives me mad! Sometimes I have to give away really great present ideas I’ve spent a long time coming up with and someone else gets all the glory! Grrrr!

I empathise. If I tell dm what we've gotten for our DC she'll just casually say, "Well, I'll send you the money and that can be from me.". I just say no now.

Coffeeismyfriend1 · 13/12/2023 07:47

Here is a link to n Amazon wish list or they need size X clothes; at the moment they like minecraft and mario/Bluey and Peter rabbit. That’s what I do for anyone who asks.

If they want to send money ask them to do it in a card then you can take DC out to choose something after Xmas.

0scilla · 13/12/2023 07:47

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 12/12/2023 14:30

Set up a whatsapp group with you, Dh and his family, call it Christmas presents..... leave the group

This is by far the best answer!

Bumble84 · 13/12/2023 07:50

My parents are like this. They need to know a specific thing and never add any wee bits to the gift. They don’t even wrap it! It drives me mad because then I have to ask what their budget is etc and go and look for something g

Toomuchcawfee · 13/12/2023 07:51

We check in with what the kids are still interested in, and then pick a gift and just check that they don’t have that specific one before we buy it.

Sending money and asking you to buy it is laziness and outsourcing the present process. Picking the kids gifts is one of my favourite bits to be honest so I wouldn’t let anyone else do it!

SecondUsername4me · 13/12/2023 07:52

Oh I hate this too!

If it got to the level yours is at, I'd just send a prepared message

"Dc1 likes football, non fiction books (currently interested in maps and the globe), dragons and baths. He wears size 8-9yo in pyjamas and 12-3 in socks"

Then the same for each kid.

And I'd add "I'm sure they'd be delighted with whatever you pick out, but equally would be happy with just some sweets or chocolate, so please don't worry"

Bettyboop2530 · 13/12/2023 07:54

We stopped buying for nieces and nephews for this exact reason and asked them please not to buy for our kids. Also I love giving gifts so spent so much time choosing one but then the gift would just be teared open and sat in a huge pile of presents they'd already received. Now I have 13 less people to stress about and it's wonderful! This year I decided to donate a bunch of toys to my local charity and will continue to do so.

thesixleggedpsychopathonthetrain · 13/12/2023 07:54

Book tokens for everyone old enough to read. If they don't like reading, they are no kin of mine anyway.

LittleBearPad · 13/12/2023 08:01

YANBU OP at all!

SellFridges · 13/12/2023 08:13

My husband only realised this year that this is a thing. On the one hand I don’t mind as it avoids duplicates (when DD was small she told everyone she wanted a dog so she received three toy dogs). On the other hand it means I have to have lists of price appropriate suggestions.

I try to avoid with my DN’s and make a suggestion to my DB instead and he either says yes or suggests something else.

AngelinaFibres · 13/12/2023 08:35

My exMIL used to make a big thing of asking for a list and then completely ignored it and bought some absolutely random shite. My eldest sons birthday is on Dec 22nd . He was young when The Early Learning Centre was on every high Street. One year over birthday and Christmas he got 5 of the same Postman Pat puzzle. Thankfully they swapped unopened puzzles for other options in the shop. As they got older,and wanted cash to pool and buy a bigger thing, she would refuse and insist on sending a crap present ( build your own volcano). I would have loved it if she'd given me the cash and I could have bought a present they really wanted ,when small, and just cash when they were older so they could use it joyfully instead of the crap going straight to the charity shop

Justanothermum42 · 13/12/2023 08:40

A simple ‘I am currently very busy and will barely have time to buy our presents. So sorry that I cannot help this year’ should do the trick.

DangerousAlchemy · 13/12/2023 08:41

My teenagers send me links to things they'd like & I forward some of these on to DH/my family who ask for ideas. It's not a huge issue for me but we do have a small family. My SIL has said money for one of her kids so I'll buy a selection box & pop £20 in an envelope. At least all the kids get something they actually want/need for Christmas 🤷‍♀️

DangerousAlchemy · 13/12/2023 08:42

thesixleggedpsychopathonthetrain · 13/12/2023 07:54

Book tokens for everyone old enough to read. If they don't like reading, they are no kin of mine anyway.

Love this 😀 🤣👏@thesixleggedpsychopathonthetrain

Wolvesart · 13/12/2023 08:42

I think this is the best way to organise things OP. You won’t get too many unsuitable gifts if you chose them

Eekmystro · 13/12/2023 08:44

I agree. I have had this a little. I’ve given all the grandparents the ideas but luckily not been asked to buy them. I think next year just say “sorry I’ve no idea, I know they like Harry Potter” or keep failing to reply until they get the message.

In a way I like being asked idea for the children as otherwise they end up with a load of stuff that’s useless and never get touched. I certainly wouldn’t be buying it for people though

Maybe you’ve been too helpful .

DangerousAlchemy · 13/12/2023 08:45

My DS birthday is one week before Christmas so that's annoying as lots of relatives forget or wrap it in Christmas paper or it arrives mid January or one small gift is a 'joint' birthday & Christmas gift. Oh well. He's nearly 16 now so he doesn't mind. I always make sure relatives/friends' kids gifts arrive on time but I do have more spare time & I'm v organised.

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