To be annoyed at having to organise what everyone else's gifts

[Lolasyms]

Mine and OH's family have been constantly bombarding me with requests for idea's for gifts for Christmas. I've been happy to send them lots of ideas, telling them about what the children are interested in (lego, art etc ) even commenting that they could do with some pjs or clothes. However it's never good enough, they want me to send them pictures, links or sometimes are even offering to transfer me the money so I can buy the gift. AIBU to be irritated at this, they're adding to my already overwhelming to do list and I feel like it sort of goes against the whole point of gift giving. Im happy to confirm wether or not they have something, but I don't want to do everybody else's shopping!

To some extent you are responsible for this as I would just say, for example, Luke needs Pyjamas, age 9-10. Sophie would love some more art supplies or something crafty.

If they came back for more details I would just say “I dont know, a surprise will be lovely. You choose. “

If they come back yet again, “I trust you to choose something nice, I have enough going on choosing the presents I am buying!”

If you don’t give in, they will stop.

@PuttingDownRoots - the Weeping Angels terrify me - I’m not sure I’d even want a toy one in the house.

Whatever you do, don’t blink! 😉😂

Annoys me as well.

Especially since my DD has a birthday in October so it's hard enough thinking what to get her for Xmas. The next round comes of people asking what she would like for Xmas and i have to think of yet more ideas of tat to fill our house with.

It's not been too hard this year, but it does annoy me when people ask, I give them ideas and then they come back and ask me for a link. Can't they go on the internet and find one themselves?

My MIL does this, gets me to send her links then she sends me a cheque and I buy everything with her money. Used to hate it, now I love it and basically use it as a shopping spree for myself and the kids, got myself some things I really like but a bit out of my normal price range and getting the kids more expensive gifts. It's worth it especially as if I don't suggest what to buy MIL buys the most insane things!!!!!

I'm a shit buyer of presents and massively appreciate links so I can know it's definitely wanted. So it's only fair I send links in return to save everyone else the effort.

I'm rarely confident in what I'm buying my own children, let alone anyone else's. GPs in particular just want to get it right, links are fair enough.

Omg thank you, I’m so mad about this too. I’ve got a baby and two SC, and I’m being HOUNDED for links. As if I don’t have enough stuff to sort for my family for Christmas! Ahhhh.

IMO if you don’t want to choose a gift then don’t buy one. I’m not bothered, just leave me alone, I don’t want the stress of your Xmas shopping as well as my own 🥲

Love this!

Yanbu, with presents it’s the thought that counts……

well no, actually, if you want me to do all the thinking for you, it doesn’t count!!!

I prefer being asked then DD gets things she likes instead of random crap (MIL I'm looking at you)

I would actually love this. My family have a tendency to buy too much for my child and really big things as well like play kitchens that I don't have room for. I'd love it if they asked and I could dictate what comes into my home instead.

Fucking this!!!! I’m being absolutely hounded at the moment. I work full time and have two young children to juggle drop off / pick up and it’s constant.

i don’t have the mental load to do people’s fucking shopping for them. I’m on my knees as it is!!

i have reminded my husband this week that he doesn’t get a penis pass and why can’t he help his family

I have this too and it's so annoying! Just send money if you don't know what to get. I now just hand DC my phone on the smyths website and let them pick something out.

I could have written this.
My kids have their birthdays in the months before Christmas so I have three non stop months of my mum, my step-mother, my mother in law, best friend all wanting to know what both kids want for their birthdays and also for Christmas. In the instance of my mum and mother in law, I also have to order it (neither have internet access) and in my mother in law‘s cause wrap it…
Im unfortunately skint at the moment so in my mother in law’s case, it’s particularly irritating that I’m still waiting for the money for the birthday gift to my son back in October that I picked, order and wrapped for her.
Yes, I know I should be grateful, but FFS, that isn’t a gift in my opinion. If you want to get them a gift, use your imagination. Im a really busy person holding on by my fingertips and I don’t appreciate being given other people‘s tasks. It drives me mental!

It's infuriating OP. ❤️

Amazon wish list and if they don’t like it they can engage there brain.

there is NO WAY I would indulge the “buy it for me and I’ll send money” nonsense

I'm feeling particularly Grinchy about Christmas this year. I guess it's annoying to many to have people ask what they or their children want, but it's also incredibly annoying to know that a gift is expected (and to want to treat someone to something they'll enjoy or find useful) but have no good ideas you feel confident about. I'm be grateful for some guidance. Anything! Some people are so picky, too, and to tell the truth, I'm just sick of the whole thing. It sucks the joy out of everything for me, every December.

This. Just give your suggestions and say if it's too much hassle, not to worry about it. Problem solved

On my side of the family it's easy - a secret Santa gift of up to $35 for one randomly chosen (by an app) adult who has uploaded a wishlist into the app. Seven adults involved. We also buy for my great nephew/niece who are 15 and 10. We get them a few wee gifts and some cash or vouchers.
Three gifts, oh so easy.
On partner's side of the family, there are three families (kids and 6 grandkids). I am the chief gift chooser but partner has lots of input. (This is my "inherited" family. I don't have children myself so acquired a ready-grown set when I met my partner 16 years ago. This contributes to my enjoyment of the whole process.)
So - three couple gifts and six child/teen gifts.
The three offspring (and their spouses) know that I will be asking in mid-November for lists of ideas for the grandkids. They also know that I work full-time up until the 23rd of December. They know we will not be gift buying in the week before Christmas, that we might buy online and need to allow time for delivery ...
One couple (daughter and her husband) run a business and have really really busy lives. They respond instantly: X is really into Taylor Swift, painting and black clothes, size Z. Y has started swimming lessons and would like a snorkle, likes Super Mario and sciencey gadgets ... They make it really easy by giving us starting points that we can build on.
The two DILs have always been SAHMs; their husbands would no more think about buying gifts than fly to the moon, so there's no input from them. Despite having more time on their hands as their children are all at school, the DILs need several reminders. What should be a pleasure starts to feel like a chore.
One of the women is obstinate and difficult generally. It's such a shame she won't come on board and embrace the chance for her boys to get things they would really like as unfortunately the family is on a very low income and have no other family members buying for them.
The other loves the prospect of her girls being bought things they would like but tends to overthink, spending an inordinate amount on time on developing lists, eliminating items, adding others ... She consults the girls but is reluctant to send us ideas too early as better ideas may crop up later on.
Meanwhile, December marches on, as does the likelihood of my having to hit the shopping malls in Christmas week and get shitty.
This year we said we need your ideas by 10 December, otherwise each child will be given a $25 gift voucher. This is of lesser value and interest/excitement, not to mention lacks the surprise element, than if they had gifts to open. We've now had long lists from family 3; they know that they won't be getting everything on the list but it is great to have so many ideas!
Family 2, both parents, still no response so the boys will end up with fairly generic gifts that generic boys their age supposedly like. (We once gave a family pass to entertainment/activity centre in their area that we'd heard the boys say they'd love to go to ... the parents "forgot" to use the voucher and it expired after six months!!)
Next year, we will ask the kids in families 2 and 3 directly. They're old enough to just tell us what they want.
Rant over. Thanks for the opportunity to get this off my chest, OP.

I find this a massive issue. I slightly dread the phone calls around this time of year. It doesn’t help that my relatives won’t do online shopping, disapprove of unhealthy things like chocolate and won’t just give cash. Some of my in-laws are also a problem because they usually ring me up on the 23rd and ask what to buy. They live fairly rurally and leave it too late for online. I would offload it onto DH but he does all his Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and doesn’t understand why some people would find this a bit last minute. Both the grandads are good though. One bungs cash in an envelope(without asking me how much) and the other chooses the presents himself and only checks with me that the children haven’t already got something.

Yes, I get this every Christmas and birthdays, it drives me mad! Sometimes I have to give away really great present ideas I’ve spent a long time coming up with and someone else gets all the glory! Grrrr!

DH's parents go one better - after having been sent a list of links to specific presents (because just generally ideas like "art supplies" aren't good enough, apparently), they have them sent straight to us for us to wrap them. It drives me mad!

It's the thought that counts - and they put no thought into it whatsoever.

The simple answers are:

Say "you choose" and risk getting nothing, something duplicated, something inappropriate or cash

Say to in-laws "contact DH" and risk the above if he's useless

Send a list and tell them to a) pick themselves and b) tell the others what they're getting (or tell each person one thing)

Send links and tell them to let the others know what they got (or tell each person one thing)

Ignore and hope for the best

Whichever you choose: no complaining afterwards 😁

Just stop then.

I’d push back on this - I have. Remind them politely that those items can be bought from wherever and end the call.

My friend's daughter has a wishlist on amazon that she adds to throughout the year so for birthday and Christmas i just get something off there