To feel deflated after a charity xmas do hearing a paid worker saying it was a 'free lunch' for them?

[YNK]

I had an injury and joined a great charity group a few years ago to meet for coffee once a week and to enjoy activities and support each other.

Some members are in residential care due to the severity of their condition so they are always accompanied by carers, others have fully recovered.
Members pay for activities and weekly meetings and pay happily and willingly for the chance to meet and socialise.

Some members have suffered and been compensated legally for injuries caused and many are now financially secure and if assistance is provided, I feel this 'them and us' divide is hurtful.

After a very nice xmas lunch, as we were leaving a group of paid carers could be heard saying it was at least a decent 'free lunch'

I feel grubby now and I'm thinking of leaving the group - AIBU?

Apologies as I haven't RTFT but do you mind if I ask what your injury was, OP?

Yes, as you said, OP was eavesdropping on someone else's conversation. The bloke's comment was none of her business.

Carer works in care home. Manager “do you mind supporting X to attend their charity event? You’ll need to finish a bit later but Lunch will be included” Carer “sure, but I’ll have to find someone to pick the kids up from school/pay for after school club”.

at the lunch, carer to another carer “it’s been a bit of a pain as mum couldn’t pick the kids up so I’ve had to pay for after school club, but at least we got a nice free lunch”.

OP over hears and is offended.

it’s their job OP. I’m sure they’re fond enough of those they support, but they’re still at work and may well have to sort life out around it.

Our work Christmas lunch is in a very fancy restaurant, all paid for by our company. I don't want to attend as I feel I'm over worked and underpaid and I don't want to validate the senior staff by celebrating with them. Whilst technically I could opt out, in practice this would mean offending my boss and pushing back my chances of a pay rise even further.

So there is often is an obligation on employees to attend.

But isn’t it too much to expect the carers to bond with the group?
Each one of them is in charge of one of the service users, that’s their job.
That doesn’t mean they have to see them as friends.
Isn’t it difficult enough to get people into care work? It’s a hard job, usually not very well paid - and that’s without the expectation that they should see it as more than ‘just work’.

And because it is work it is unprofessional to make comments like that within earshot of the service users. What if your GP said within your earshot, ‘At least I get paid for seeing her?’ I think you would be pretty upset.

I think the issue here is that fundamentally life is NOT a Hallmark movie. No matter how much you wish it were it's just not.

It's demeaning working in a challenging job for abysmal pay.

OP as a carer YABU big time. One of the first thing we are taught in training is that although we may be 'close' in a way to service users, we are NOT friends, a line that shouldn't be crossed. It sounds like you have now worked this out and are disappointed. There could have been many reasons for the comment, you only heard what the man said, not the context. Sounds like he was looking at the positive.

• annual leave could have been refused in order to attend
• the event went on longer than planned
• carer didn't get a break that day
• carer was called in to cover on a day off
• They might not have won on tombolla 🤣

I really hope you have only came on here to vent and haven't went to the others in the group stirring them up. That really wouldn't be fair at all on anyone. Also you would look like a trouble maker, one to watch.

Move on from this and enjoy you actual friends, respect the carers a bit more and dont dampen what was a nice lunch for others.

It was impolitic of the carer to be overheard- as a manager I would say “next time keep those comments out of ear shot of service users, it’s unprofessional”…

in the same way as I as a social worker might say to my colleague “ffs I’ve got to do a home visit to X family, I hate going, last time there was shit on the sofa… I don’t know if it dog shit or human shit”- but I wouldn’t say it on the families doorstep!

There is nearly always a kind of friction where volunteers and paid staff work together in charities, museums, care homes, hospitals, etc.

At the end of the day, most staff are there because they have to in order to earn a living. That's completely different to volunteers who want to be there to help people or contribute to a good cause etc.

I've been involved in quite a few small/local charities, good causes, etc., as a volunteer, and you just have to get accustomed to the "paid" staff seeing it as just a job, starting/finishing at official working hours, not turning up for evening/weekend "socials".

You know what? It's kind of interesting reading the OP's various claims. The carers were there working but they weren't there working. They were being paid or they weren't being paid. And my personal favourite, they have never seen this person ever before, but they knew they were a carer even though they weren't working as one. Plus, interesting timing - an insomniac poster.

Hmm. I have an opinion....

It’s not that they have that attitude, it’s that they were unprofessional in saying it within earshot of service users.

Also, why would you come on here and tell a disabled woman that if she makes a complaint she will be labelled as ‘trouble’ and ‘one to watch’?!

Did you miss the part of your training that (should) have taught you that as a carer there is an enormous power imbalance in your favour when dealing with your service users?! Disabled people have to be able to raise issues without fear of reprisal otherwise abuse can (and does) happen.

@TreacleMines should a complaint be about actual abuse or feeling unsafe absolutely should be made!
Op wants to complain that the carer made a comment that showed they weren't grateful enough to be 'treated'to lunch at work.

Hello @YNK I've not read the replies of other posters yet but I've read yours and I understand that you feel insulted, maybe even on behalf of your friends?

I was a carer for many different kinds of people over many different roles for over 20 years. I've cared for everyone from new babys to dying elderly people and everyone in between.

Here is what I can tell you -
Carers are told repeatedly "they're your clients, you're not friends", because historically carers have taken advantage of the power dynamic with their clients and unfortunately, even though most carers are decent, some are horrible people and it's to protect the service users carers are told to not be pals.

You pay peanuts you get monkeys.
I went into care work very young presuming the staff would all be hippies who smelt of incense sticks and grew their own sage, who cared about people and were on a crusade to give the most vulnerable people a wonderful service.
I was wrong, often care staff are people who couldn't be hired anywhere elswe due to lack of qualifications and are literally forced to do this kind of work.
Ive known colleagues be senior carers but unable to get a job in the asda due to lack of qualifications.

The way these carers said this has upset you but something you've said has shone through about money. You've been in a position to donate some (unless I've read wrong in which case I'm very sorry!) But care staff can do 12 / 15 / 24 hours straight no sleep shifts of gruelling physical work, we can wash, dress, toilet, give medicine, assist to feed, support with incidents, deaths, etc over 100 people per day depending on size of place worked, for minimum wage that'll need topping up with universal credit and we're still called benefit scroungers for having the sheer audacity to be on shite pay for a job that most people wouldn't choose to do. So maybe they're just happy about something free when carers are made to feel so undervalued. It may have sounded really grabby and it might have been, but these are people, often women, who may nurse your loved ones into their journey with death in the wee hours of the night and be told you're not allowed to accept a box of milk tray from the family to say thank you.
Maybe it's the novelty?

Maybe they're grabby, shitty people, maybe they're poor and excited they've had something nice at no expense to themselves, either way, don't let this play on your mind too much, you have a lovely group and support network here, don't leave from one flippant comment.

Being paid = work.

I'm not sure why you're struggling to grasp this?

Envy is a great magnifying glass for fault.

You're asking for more out of the carer/patient relationship than is usual - whilst most carers will care about the people they work with, that doesn't mean they actively want to spend time with them outside of work. I really like my colleagues, but I would always prefer to be home with my DH and DC than out with them. I go to work socials because it's part of the job - it's not disrespecting my colleagues to say that.

Your demand for 'respect' is ridiculous - why on earth do you think that carers, who are usually on minimum wage, should be super-grateful for a free lunch with work colleagues, in their own unpaid time? You're asking for too much, you need to reassess your own behaviour towards paid carers, who are professionals but not your friends.

You feel grubby because you listened in to someone else's conversation where they've said they had a 'decent free lunch' and you want to create drama about this?

The GP only does see you because they are paid.

I’m not saying every little complaint should result in the person involved being fired or disciplined, I’m just saying that on principle service users have to be able to complain. The previous poster implied they have some sort of black list of people who have made complaints… that is dodgy territory (although very tempting).

Im a social worker- I’ve lost count of the times people ring up in a rage about all sorts of things (usually shouting, swearing and trying to explain my job to me)… I politely offer to direct them to the official complaints process and let them get on with it. It’s part and parcel of the job.

Someone saying "at least I get paid for seeing her" within earshot is unprofessional. We all know some people are more difficult than others, but you dont say it to the people you are working with.

It's all about money ! with the OP.

So how much did it cost you for the carers to attend ?

Did you pay £50 for lunch with £2.50 going towards the carer's ' free ' lunch ?

or did the carers' free lunch come out of your annual subscription to the charity i.e. you pay £3 a month and 15p of that went for the carers lunch ?

Thus when the OP left she expected ( and needed ) the carers to stand at the front door in a line doffing their caps and bowing / curtsying saying Thank you Thank you Thank you !

and what is

' Some members have suffered and been compensated legally for injuries caused and many are now financially secure and if assistance is provided, I feel this 'them and us' divide is hurtful. '

all about ?

It reads like the OP is jealous that some of her friends have been so badly injured that they received compensation and with some of that compensation they ( have to ? ) pay for care as opposed to ' free ' care that may be provided by the NHS / Government / Local Authority.
( I have no idea how care is paid for, nor by whom - but it's not free it is paid for somehow, whether from NI contributions / Income Tax / wages or pension etc. )

Or maybe the OP begrudged having to contribute somehow to the carers ' free ' lunch for which they are expected to be grateful for the rest of their lives, when her friends could pay from their huge amounts of compensation and not notice the £2.50 going out of their bank accounts ?

I couldn't be a carer, I now work very part time in a supermarket on the checkouts ( I love it ! sitting on my bottom for a couple of hours or so meeting different people all day ) and I meet lots of carers and their clients and I could not do it.
Not even for £100 an hour, never mind min wage of £10.42

and the OP is pissed off because one carer mentioned that it was a ' decent ' free lunch.

Some wonderful comments on this thread, I wish there was a ' like ' or a ' good comment ' button, as I don't feel the ' thank you ' button is appropriate ?

In the OP it said the carers said “at least it was a decent free lunch” which I could have been the end of all sorts of sentences talking about things they had to rearrange/miss to be there.

it didn’t say at least I get paid for seeing her, which would be mean if said in earshot of the service user.

you've got very 'robotic" answers OP.

Another one who sees nothing wrong .

Unless you wanted the carers to be so grateful to be invited to (for them boring )
Christmas lunch.

It's not like they could have few drinks and dance on the tables, as they were in Work Mode !