That people are just a bit shit and not worth the bother?

[Sconehenge]

Sorry for the negative nelly post but I’m just tidying up a big mess from a dinner party. It cost us around £600 and counting to put on, in addition to numerous hours of planning.

I came home early last night so I would be fresh for today but half my guests were hungover and just a bit shit, a few cancelled last minute for various “good reasons” but I can’t help think they could have given more notice/worked around . Two of the guests spent the whole time talking about a party last night that I wasn’t invited to even though we are close friends. I mean, maybe it’s my own fault for planning a lunch on a Sunday I guess.

Honestly I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I am a person who considers myself to have a nice social life but after a night like tonight I truly think what is the fucking point?

I know good friendships in life are meant to make you live longer and happier but my experience of good friends so far seems to be that most people are hedonists, they’re after whatever makes them feel good in the moment and if it’s you, then fantastic you’ll have “fun”, if it’s not you, then whatever.

I think it’s time to retire to the woods or something!

Are there better people out there or is this it?

Ignore me, im just being narky

😆

And that’s fine too. But I don’t think it was takeaway OP was aiming for this time. There’s a lot of really quite ordinary chain restaurants demanding upward of 50 quid a head for ( very ordinary) several course Christmas dinner menus. I know they are in business, but counteracting that is the huge economies of scale chain restaurants can benefit from, and those menus are without nice wine or spirits. Absolutely nothing wrong with a takeout curry invitation ( actually in the mood to have you ask me over now for that 😊😇); but OP was trying to do a more formal, several course meal as a special Christmas thing and I just think if she had a dozen or so invitees, it could quite easily start hovering up round that level. So the message really ( or “takeaway” if you like 😀) is that next time MN posters are asked to a formal meal, we all need to appreciate it for what it is: a big outlay by a generous host.

to be fair your party does sound absolutely lovely!

Just the more effort you put in the more disappointing it is when people don't appreciate it. I've toned down most celebrations I organise now mainly because people are so flaky - I got so stressed and upset at my last birthday when people were cancelling last minute and I had to keep ringing the restaurant to amend the booking as to not lose the deposit, not to mention it's just a bit shit to have people dropping out, that I refuse to do it again and just organise something small with people who will definitely turn up.

Of course then you get people moaning about not being invited or 'we never all meet up any more,' apparently without any self-awareness that they are the reason why!

£600 😱
No wonder you’re fed up. It would have to be picture perfect to justify that.

No shade if you decide to give up on dinner parties though. I’m not a big fan of them myself

One hundred percent this

What dinner party costs £600? That in itself is unreasonable

They still chide to come to you despite them being hungover. You are being a bit silly, to say the least

£600? Thats fucking ludicrous. Get new friends and give that money to a local charity ffs

We've all been stunned by the £600. OP won't explain how it cost that much.

To me this is a significant point. I can't in a million years imagine how a dinner party could cost that much under any circumstances.

I can't in a million years imagine how a dinner party could cost that much under any circumstances.

Especially a dinner party that was apparently held at lunchtime - which is usually a less lavish meal.

Op can spend what she likes on the dinner party. She doesnt have to feed people gruel and lentils and give the rest to charity. As others have said, some pricey drinks and food and it's possible.

Where op was silly was in spending an amount she resented/expecting the amount spent to be appreciated.

I do lots for charity and give lots to charity (and would never personally spend that much on one dinner party) but I also don't think there is anything inherently wrong in spending money on luxuries.

I don't think it's wrong either. I guess I've never bought anything expensive so I can't envisage how it's possible.

Of course she can spend what she wants (and then later regrets), just as much as she can tapdance naked on the dinner/luncheon table after dessert is served sending spatterings of cream onto all her guests - it is just hard to imagine, given most people wanting to put on a lavish do would be aware that Sunday lunch was a relaxed casual/family affair usually,not something one would spend 600 pounds on for friends, and that many people go out on a Saturday night...

It is an odd combination of excessive spending and naivety. But of course most of us can relate to hosting something and feeling disappointed and unappreciated.

I know from (very limited) experience the effort that goes into cooking a basic meal with dessert for a few people. It should be appreciated but people do often take this for granted. So to spend so much and make so much effort was naive.
I don't know why you would do that.

I wonder how much of the time this flaky behaviour is the victim’s friend’s partner being an arse about going, or looking after the kids, or somebody else popping up and making demands, and the friend being too much of a wuss to stand firm. So often, people pleasing has the result of letting down people who deserve better because they make less fuss than spoilt demanding types.

Watching reels?! What do you mean?

I’m not really sure that people calling me naive are being fair. The attendees were aware of what the Sunday event was, it was our annual Christmas bash. They were not expecting a casual event and the ones who did come, arrived dressed up.

The meal wasn’t insane, but for a large group it’s easy to spend £600. A good organic cut of meat for 16 people was £120, and that’s before any champagne, wine, cocktail ingredients, cheese, starters, sides and desert. We also live in an expensive part of town, so if you’re shopping locally things are just more expensive. And I do try to support local, so we buy individual cheeses from the local store instead of getting a cheese selection from the supermarket, for example.

Also, inflation has affected everything, so perhaps this would have been £300 a few years ago! My monthly grocery shop is up by a huge % so it’s not out of this world to see this same impact on entertaining costs as well.

We all agreed on the date together and they had ample time to let me know that Sunday wouldn’t work for them and we could have rescheduled it entirely or I could have invited other friends if I’d had enough notice, rather than people pulling out on the day.

I remember checking my phone at 9.30 being like, oh fabulous everyone seems like they’re coming as surely this is the final cut off for cancelations. And then getting cancellation messages at 11am, 2 hours before it started, while deep in meal prep. It was just disappointing.

2 hours notice is just shit. And a hangover doesn’t count as unexpected sickness- anyone older than an undergraduate should be capable of taking it slightly easy on a night out without spoiling it, if they have plans for the next day.

You really don’t have to defend the amount of money that you spend on a meal. I have been curious how many you were hosting as I would have thought 8 or 10 with £600 (which included purchases outside of food.)

It is relatively easy to spend a few hundred pounds on hosting a tasty meal without it being “pretentious” food (whatever that is) or caviar!

I don’t think you were naive, just a shame that your expectations weren’t met. It sounds like they are the typical hard drinking crew. I’ve had similar over on a Sunday in December and the invitation was last minute and I made it clear that it was to eat the left over dinner party food from the night before. They were all happy, it was good fun.

Anyway, hope any future meals are a success.

Edit:spelling

Of course she can spend what she wants (and then later regrets), just as much as she can tapdance naked on the dinner/luncheon table after dessert is served sending spatterings of cream onto all her guests

You think that's comparable to buying higher end food?

It's a lot of money, but money doesn't go very far these days. I can easily see how a Christmas dinner party with wine etc would cost £600, especially if that also includes decorations and tableware. I'm surprised so many people can't - have you not bought food or, indeed, anything lately?

Obviously many people can't afford to hold a party like that but don't tell me you couldn't fill that budget if you had it.

And it's beside the point anyway. Someone goes to the trouble of hosting and you accept? Then you show up on time and in a decent state and use your social skills.

I honestly think we haven't recovered from lockdown. It's permanently changed things.

You think that's comparable to buying higher end food?

I meant, obviously, OP can do whatever she wants.

But it's apparently as inexplicable as naked dancing on the table while spraying cream at people.

No wonder some of you don't like parties!