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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset about this pic

113 replies

reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:47

I’ve put on tons of weight due to emotional stress. I feel and look absolutely awful. there was a PTA event yesterday in my kids school and I volunteered. The organiser (a very pretty, skinny and glamorous mum) took pictures of everyone and I told her I don’t want a picture and she promised she wouldn’t share, I explained how awful I feel and don’t want to see pictures of myself let alone other people which she seemed to understand. Well today on the group chat which includes lots of mums from different year groups she posts the most unflattering picture of me! I have my mouth wide open, a silly headband on and I’m not exaggerating I look crazy. I have such a weird half smile on my face and my tummy is sticking out. Even DH agrees she could have picked a better one.

PLEASE help me rationale this and feel better. I can’t face anyone on Monday. Shall I do a message in group joking about my picture?

OP posts:
ElleLeopine · 09/12/2023 09:49

If she promised not to share, can you ask her to take it down?

15PiecesOfFlair · 09/12/2023 09:49

Honestly, just ignore it. Even the most glam people can have their photo taken at an angle that makes them look deranged, dopey or depressed!

It is a bit shit she posted one when you asked her not to.

Original poster
reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:50

My DH thinks I should just leave it and not ask her to take down. We’re new to the school so he’s worried they might think I’m strange

OP posts:
pictoosh · 09/12/2023 09:50

Sharing photos without prior approval should be a total faux pas. It's so rude.

MilkChocolateCookie · 09/12/2023 09:51

Text her and ask her to delete it.

"Hi X, as you know I'm a bit self conscious about photos of me, please can you delete the one you posted on the group chat, thank you for understanding."

pictoosh · 09/12/2023 09:51

Honestly, I'd just leave it and hope it drops off the page soon (it will). But no, I understand your annoyance.

Original poster
reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:52

I don’t want to post the picture up of myself here but shall I try finding a similar look online Just to show what I mean by my smile? or is it okay from my description and you guys know what I mean?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 09/12/2023 09:52

How long do you spend thinking of other photos?

Why would they think longer about yours? They would have more happening in their lives I presume

Original poster
reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:52

I’m upset it’s gone into peoples camera roll and they laugh when they randomly find it. I really dislike myself right now I’m so ugly and disgusting

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 09/12/2023 09:54

It’s just a group chat- people move forward, and rarely look back.
You will never look as bad to other people as you do to yourself. Just leave it. Or make a small joke ( ie looking glam as ever or similar) and then leave it. No one cares, but if you make a big deal of it, people WILL notice your attitude

ApricotLime · 09/12/2023 09:54

She sounds like a bitch. You specifically asked her not to share it and she picked the worst one. I hope someone does the same to her.
Ignore anyone on this thread who criticises you for putting on weight. I remember stuffing food in my gob in a self destructive way after dh died. Emotional eating is a thing for some people

Elfandwellbeing · 09/12/2023 09:55

It’s rude and she’s a a cow but I would not say anything, it will just amuse her more. If it’s a bad photo people that know you will also know it’s a bad photo and that you look better irl. They may also wonder why she posted such an unflattering photo and that will reflect on her. Ignore. She’s not pleasant and now you know not to trust her.

Spinet · 09/12/2023 09:56

Don't forget a photo is a split second freeze of how you come across. It doesn't capture the way you move, your energy, or the twinkle in your eye. Have you ever paused a film when a beautiful actor is doing a weird face?

I wouldn't contact the other mum. She's likely to say something that makes it worse like it's a lovely photo of you or something. Not because she's a bitch (though she might actually be by the sound if it) bit because she doesn't think about you the way you do and her eyes don't hone in on your double chin/tummy/whatever you hate.

Your kids will love looking at photos of you when they were little when they grow up so I suggest you learn how to deal with having your photo taken and not accepting it as revealing some truth about you.

Dotcheck · 09/12/2023 09:56

reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:52

I don’t want to post the picture up of myself here but shall I try finding a similar look online Just to show what I mean by my smile? or is it okay from my description and you guys know what I mean?

Don’t post a picture.

Honestly, just leave it. You really need to let it go- you’re wildly over thinking

UpWithABang · 09/12/2023 09:56

PM her:

"Hi X,
Please could you delete the photo of me on the group chat?
It's a lovely bunch of photos and was a great event, I'm happy I could help out.
But for personal reasons I don't like having my photo shared and would be great if you could nip in and remove it for me please.
Thanks again for yesterday,
Best
X"

Whaleandsnail6 · 09/12/2023 09:56

Are you in the background of another picture? Or are you the main person on the pic? If its that you are the main person then its totally unreasonable of the woman to have posted this, knowing you didn't want your photo shared and I would ask her to delete.

If you are just the background and it's an accident you are in the picture,then I'd try and not focus on it...its most likely a much bigger deal to you than anyone else, they are probably all too busy scrutinizing their own photos (I know I would be!)

Cosywintertime · 09/12/2023 09:56

reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:52

I’m upset it’s gone into peoples camera roll and they laugh when they randomly find it. I really dislike myself right now I’m so ugly and disgusting

Please don’t be so hard on yourself, please also recognise she won’t see you like that, so it is highly unlikely she did this with malice, more she simply looked at the overall photo and noting untoward occurred to her as it is a group photo. She prob thought you looked sweet and lovely and wasn’t really looking at your tummy or whatever.

I don’t think anything can be achieved by taking it down, it’s been seen now and people will ask why it’s been taken down, but next time if someone gets the camera out, just move away rather than ask them to not inc you.

Karatema · 09/12/2023 09:57

reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:50

My DH thinks I should just leave it and not ask her to take down. We’re new to the school so he’s worried they might think I’m strange

You are not being unreasonable. My DiL is very careful regarding photos because her family were abusive and don't have a clue where she lives. They don't know what your situation is!

PBandJ111 · 09/12/2023 09:59

Message the bitch and ask her to remove it. She s nasty. Beauty is not just being skinny.

Finestreason · 09/12/2023 09:59

pictoosh · 09/12/2023 09:50

Sharing photos without prior approval should be a total faux pas. It's so rude.

I agree. People have reasons for not wanting their photos shared that have nothing to do with their appearance or how bad the photo is. It isn’t ok to share a photo of someone if they have explicitly asked you not to for any reason or for no reason!

I would just ask her to remove it, it isn’t weird. Next time don’t tell anyone that you aren’t happy with your appearance, just say that you’d prefer to not be in shared photos.

Having said that, it doesn’t matter what anyone says these days, our photos are taken without consent and shared without consent. 🤷‍♀️

theduchessofspork · 09/12/2023 09:59

Elfandwellbeing · 09/12/2023 09:55

It’s rude and she’s a a cow but I would not say anything, it will just amuse her more. If it’s a bad photo people that know you will also know it’s a bad photo and that you look better irl. They may also wonder why she posted such an unflattering photo and that will reflect on her. Ignore. She’s not pleasant and now you know not to trust her.

This exactly

Please don’t obsess over it - there are so many photos knocking around now, everyone has loads of unflattering ones

What could you do to start to feel better about yourself OP - that’s the real issue here I think

DappledThings · 09/12/2023 09:59

Asking her to delete it just draws more attention to it. Nobody is going to be laughing at you or looking at it again. It's a passing moment.

Original poster
reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 10:00

I’m the main person in the picture. It’s just another lady and myself on our stall

OP posts:
ApricotLime · 09/12/2023 10:00

Could you reply on the group chat "Thanks for posting such a flattering photo 😀" Then it reflects badly on her but looks like you're laughing about it

NoraLuka · 09/12/2023 10:00

If it’s one photo amongst loads of others people will probably spend about 3 seconds looking at it, if that. Also maybe the other mum forgot about not posting pictures of you, or she didn’t realise when she shared them so maybe if you remind her she’d apologise and take it down. If you want everyone to forget about it with the least attention brought to it, prob best not to say anything though.

I do understand hating your own pictures though, I always look awful in photos and it makes no difference what weight I am or how long I spent on hair and makeup!