To be really upset about this pic

[reallyfedup123]

I’ve put on tons of weight due to emotional stress. I feel and look absolutely awful. there was a PTA event yesterday in my kids school and I volunteered. The organiser (a very pretty, skinny and glamorous mum) took pictures of everyone and I told her I don’t want a picture and she promised she wouldn’t share, I explained how awful I feel and don’t want to see pictures of myself let alone other people which she seemed to understand. Well today on the group chat which includes lots of mums from different year groups she posts the most unflattering picture of me! I have my mouth wide open, a silly headband on and I’m not exaggerating I look crazy. I have such a weird half smile on my face and my tummy is sticking out. Even DH agrees she could have picked a better one.

PLEASE help me rationale this and feel better. I can’t face anyone on Monday. Shall I do a message in group joking about my picture?

@reallyfedup123 I hate having my pictures taken. To me I always look hideous so I completely understand your feelings here.

In the melee of the day she has probably forgotten and hopefully not meant to upset you.

Having the photo removed now won't change the fact that it has probably been saved in people's rolls.

That said, most people who actively help at these things aren't mean and hopefully wouldn't be unkind to you.

In your position I would maybe try and see the positives in this...maybe she genuinely thinks you look nice in the picture and wanted to naively show you that you didn't look like you think you do. I would bet you don't look as awful as you think you do, I know however awful I think I look when I look back it often isn't as bad as I thought at the time.

Hope you are ok x

@Dogcatmousedog how did the person react when you asked for it to be deleted?

I also agree with PP that no one will carr or notice, or if it was particularly unfalttering just think badly of her (I don't undertake when I see people putting up unflattering pictures). But if it does bother you so much, just tell her. It's particularly terrible given you had already talked about it! Some people are just totally clueless though

Just send a gentle reminder that she had promised not to post that photo at your request.

I know where you are coming from OP. I went through a stage of being overweight as a teenager. But as pp have said, pple will scroll through and give it all little thought.

If you look deranged, the worst reaction will be “oh my god, have you seen this hilarious picture of this big fat crazy woman”. But that’s done now. Any observation will have been made, and be over now. But honestly I really don’t think most grown women would speak like this. I’d judge someone really poorly if they judged/laughed about another woman like this. If this is a crowd of nasty women, then great, you can self select out of there!

To your own looks, my MIL is plump, no chin, not the best looking. Unlike my very glam, thin, self obsessed mum. I adore my MIL, she has such charisma, she’s kind, she aLeah’s remembers the small things. Basically, she’s lovely. You sound lovely too. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. If you’ve put on weight and don’t feel great about it, you know how it goes: focus each day on eating well if you can (ie limit the snacks/junk, eat stuff you know is healthy) and go for a walk each day, if you can fit it in.

I totally agree with this.

Dont give it anymore headspace @reallyfedup123 xx

Most of us are not much to look at even when young. Everyone who lives long enough will reach that state eventually. Why not accept it and focus on other things?

I like this! You sound fun and nice. She sounds like a cow. Everyone will know this. We just tend to look at ourselves more harshly than we do others. Be kind to yourself. Weight is only one thing about you and you sound very overly harsh about yourself.

It's probably not as bad as you think and I bet people either haven't even looked at it or just whizzed past it. I would just leave it, anything else will draw more attention to it.

This. I've done this in the past. People have been fine about it. It doesn't matter what you feel you look like, or how others perceive you, you asked her not to share, and she should respect this.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-2nd-behavioural/dp/1472119290/ref=asc_df_1472119290/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310831412334&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=631341539650080194&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045728&hvtargid=pla-417225003538&psc=1&mcid=1cc404c0f4943eaf8113d78a3eadad7c

As others have said, people will not laugh at you, they will not keep your photo to look back at it and lots of people just don't care (I mean that in a nice way). If it's on Whatsapp you can delete it on your end so at least you don't have to see it. I wouldn't say anything this time but I would remind her for the future - perhaps she thought you meant that you didn't want it sharing on social media/outside the school parents.

For the future, you could say that you don't want photos taken of you because of your job or volunteering that you do. I go to a hobby where someone can't have photos because of this reason (not even sure what the job is but I assume it's either working with vulnerable kids or in some kind of law enforcement) and everyone respects it

You say you are doing a silly face and have a silly headband on. Is the headband Christmassy etc? Are you sure the picture doesn't just show you as a fun loving mum helping out at school during Christmas time. I bet it's not as bad as you think, but if you really aren't happy, message and say "hi x, I would prefer as discussed for no photos of me to be shared please can you take that one down thank you"

I would politely ask her to remove it. She probably just forgot. I doubt that anyone will notice as they will all be worried about how they look. However, I totally get this and also hate photos of myself online. This is about how it makes you feel and you have the right not to have it online. It won't make you look weird.

Ugh, my parents used to do the ‘you’re so self centred, no one else cares’ thing if I was ever self conscious as a teenager. The whole point is it’s a photo of the OP. The fact that no one else is thinking about it isn’t the point, the point is that SHE is!

She’s probably just shared all the photos she took without thinking. No one is going to be focussed on your picture they will have scrolled through and moved on. No one is going to be thinking anything about how you look

Alternatively you could ask her to remove it because you don't have security clearance from M15 to post pictures online. 😉

So what if they think you are a bit strange? (I dont tuink they would btw) Who cares what they think. You asked her not to share the pic and she did. Would your husband say the same if she shared a pic of your child when you asked them not to? Message her OP. Sorry your feeling down about yourself.

I wouldn't say in the group I wanted it deleted, but I'd like to think I'd message the person who took it and remind them I'd asked them not to share and hope they took it down.

In reality though I'd probably just do a "cheers for sharing such a flattering photo 🙄" or some such response in the group #doormat

If you do ask her to delete, don't mention that you feel self conscious. She doesn't need to know. Just say 'as discussed the other day, please delete the photo as you agreed not to share it'.

Though personally I think the best thing to do is to laugh about it in the chat: 'blimey, you've chosen a really flattering photo of me to share there! 😂'. That way, if she did do it on purpose to be unkind then you're calling her bluff and showing a good sense of humor. Plus it shows her up for sharing it.

Most people are more self absorbed than you think. At most they will think ‘that’s an unlucky photo’ which is better than them thinking ‘gosh she looks worse in person’ after all.

Also, I imagine very few people still have the WhatsApp set up to save all photos to their camera roll, so it will be soon gone.

I actually think a ‘cheers for sharing such a flattering photo’ is miles worse than directly and politely requesting it to come down. People would probably be sympathetic to a ‘they are great photos Jane but I’m not feeling so good about myself just now, would you mind deleting it?’ But a snidely worded message wouldn’t go down well.

I would post publicly that I'd asked not to have my image posted and that I would like the picture taken down.

Oh a relative of mine used to take 'candid' shots of me being with my kids - I'd always be no make up, hair scraped back, c-section overhang over my jeans, eating etc. Then she'd post them in groups with the words 'gorgeous'. I think she genuinely thought they were nice photos but I really hated it. It also felt really intrusive, as I just wanted to 'be' with my kids without my own personal paparazzi.

In your case, I'd try to say something lightly, like 'oof that's not very flattering- oh dear! Do you mind removing it?'