To be really upset about this pic

[reallyfedup123]

I’ve put on tons of weight due to emotional stress. I feel and look absolutely awful. there was a PTA event yesterday in my kids school and I volunteered. The organiser (a very pretty, skinny and glamorous mum) took pictures of everyone and I told her I don’t want a picture and she promised she wouldn’t share, I explained how awful I feel and don’t want to see pictures of myself let alone other people which she seemed to understand. Well today on the group chat which includes lots of mums from different year groups she posts the most unflattering picture of me! I have my mouth wide open, a silly headband on and I’m not exaggerating I look crazy. I have such a weird half smile on my face and my tummy is sticking out. Even DH agrees she could have picked a better one.

PLEASE help me rationale this and feel better. I can’t face anyone on Monday. Shall I do a message in group joking about my picture?

I guarantee that the other person in the photo with you will be more concerned with how they look than you. Every other person in the group will quickly scroll past because they're not in it. We only tend to focus on ourselves in photos, no one is bothered about people they don't know that well.

I would be very angry that she has done this and would tell her that you want it deleted. Irrespective of how good or bad I feel about my appearance I have only ever used one photo of myself, on a private forum, and have never shared a photo of a family member online, and don't think anyone has the right to post photos of someone else without their permission.

This is bizarre. It's incredibly unlikely that anyone will say anything about this photo.

No-one cares. (Except OP). No-one will remember it. (Except OP)

If it did happen, the worst thing OP could do was slag off this woman (who probably just forgot or didn't notice the photo when uploading in bulk) and make a massive deal out of it. That would be remembered.

OP lots of good suggestions but I just want to say I totally relate. I hate photos of myself and I would also have asked her not to post one of me. The fact she did when she had said she wouldn’t is just not ok and I find it hard to believe that she was just busy or forgot - it takes a deliberate action to post a pic and you can see who’s in it. I would be upset in your shoes and I think it’s fine to ask her to delete it, whatever you do decide. If she really forgot, she’d be happy to make the change.

As others have said, a bad photo doesn’t sum you up and you can rise above it and move on. I hope you feel better soon

I totally understand how you feel, believe me I’ve been there. But I wasn’t sure how to vote because although I think the lady was insensitive to go against your wishes, no one will give it a second thought and will be scrolled past without all the negative thoughts that you are having about yourself. It’s not worth asking them to taking it down that will actually draw more attention to it which you don’t want.

If you saw a photo of someone else, another mum at the school, pulling a funny face whilst helping out what would you think?

I can tell you if I saw another mum helping out, getting involved and wearing a Christmas headband, I’d think good on ‘em, they look like fun, I bet the kids love her. I certainly wouldn’t be having negative, mean thoughts about how they look, please try not to think those things about yourself, I’m sure you’d never think such nasty things about another person, please try to be kind to yourself.

Exactly. Right now it's a molehill everyone else has already walked past. Any response turns it into a mountain that will just get the photo looked at far more.

The reason I said to ignore it is not just because you should breeze past it (you should, but I know how hard that is) but because anything you do will draw attention to it. Let it fall off the page, I hate my phone storage getting full up of Chat photos so I don't put them in camera roll and regularly delete them.

The op is allowed to have an opinion about an unflattering photo of herself being posted publicly and to express that opinion. If she says nothing it could happen every time she goes and she ends up not attending again, which would be a shame.
No one is saying she should cause a scene, but there are ways to mention it to get her message across. The op shouldn't be told off for making a fuss and told to keep quiet and put up with it like a doormat.

Just saw your update. Very positive.

She did that on purpose I'm sure. Knowing you was feeling insecure. Take time with yourself. Is it binge eating the problem? I had that for most of this year. Just now getting it sorted. The thing you need is patience and kindness for yourself. When you get upset and angry you make yourself feel terrible and eat more.

@Smiley85 how did you overcome your binge eating disorder? Yes I have BED, I’ve tried Overaters anonymous abs other things similar but hasn’t helped. I get upset and reach for food. I’ve tried going for a walk, relaxing bath etc instead but I still binge after doing something else

I'm only like a month perhaps less where I am not binge eating. I am still perhaps over eating when my emotions get the better of me but it's much better and much rarer. Generally I'm eating good . I don't know for certain how I did it because binge eating it was so hard for me. It was almost like something in my brain was wired to eat like none stop . But I just took a step back. And the thing is you have to be kind to yourself and supportive. I remember sometimes having a massive binge and almost crying because our weight and image does effect us. It is a society obsessed with looks. What I did was I regularly ate good meals or maybe a meal with a bit extra on but I followed a schedule. Breakfast at say 6 am big bowl of porridge. Lunch at 11 soup and two slices of bread. Snack on some bananas when energy is low. And dinner always try to have something good . Potato jacket etc . You start doing it day in day out . At first it's very difficult but the more you do it the easier it is. It's almost like you rewire your mind. You realize you can make yourself happier being healthy. It's not easy tho. For me I could eat 5 jam donuts in like 2 mins. It does make you very happy and then very sad. You have to break the cycle.No question. One of the hardest things I've done . I'm not out the woods yet . But my mind it's like just have 1 pack of crisp now instead of like 10 at times.

Read intuitive eating. For each principle of it take a week or 2 to really try and master it. Worked for me.