Page 2 | To be really upset about this pic

reallyfedup123 · 2023-12-09T09:47:27+00:00

I’ve put on tons of weight due to emotional stress. I feel and look absolutely awful. there was a PTA event yesterday in my kids school and I volunteered. The organiser (a very pretty, skinny and glamorous mum) took pictures of everyone and I told her I don’t want a picture and she promised she wouldn’t share, I explained how awful I feel and don’t want to see pictures of myself let alone other people which she seemed to understand. Well today on the group chat which includes lots of mums from different year groups she posts the most unflattering picture of me! I have my mouth wide open, a silly headband on and I’m not exaggerating I look crazy. I have such a weird half smile on my face and my tummy is sticking out. Even DH agrees she could have picked a better one. PLEASE help me rationale this and feel better. I can’t face anyone on Monday. Shall I do a message in group joking about my picture?

mynameiscalypso · 09/12/2023 10:00

Nobody will notice or care because they will be to focused on picking apart the photos of themselves.

WandaWonder · 09/12/2023 10:02

reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:52

I’m upset it’s gone into peoples camera roll and they laugh when they randomly find it. I really dislike myself right now I’m so ugly and disgusting

So you think that of others with their photos?

EnglishMenHaveTails · 09/12/2023 10:02

I would just reply to it with a light hearted comment along the lines of 'and this is why I asked you not to take photos of me! 😂' It would kind of call her out for doing something you'd specifically asked her not to but not in a 'take this down immediately!' way that to be honest I would think was a bit of an extreme reaction if it happens in a school group chat (urgh, group chats are the worst though so I sympathise)

Honestly, I'm sure the photo isn't too awful though - everyone has bad photos taken and in situations like this I always try to remind myself that no one spends as much time thinking about me as I worry they might.

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 09/12/2023 10:03

WandaWonder · 09/12/2023 09:52

How long do you spend thinking of other photos?

Why would they think longer about yours? They would have more happening in their lives I presume

Exactly

Are you thinking about anyone else's photos op?

They are probably all thinking they look a state in theirs and not paying yours any attention at all.

Also, remember they all see you in person anyway, so know what you look like. They won't be giving your picture a second thought.

rockymimosa · 09/12/2023 10:04

I know how you feel. I am the most unphotogenic person at the best of times but when you're not feeling your best it can become really upsetting. I get very cross with friends who want to photograph every single moment of our meet ups for Instagram. It takes the enjoyment away from the moment for me as I'm always worrying what I look like.

But....

I've come to realise the only person who tends to dwell on it or even notice is you. Everyone else will be scrolling on by wanting to see photos of themselves. It's not a big deal. But I know it feels like that to you and the other mum was out of order to post them when you'd clearly asked her not to. I wouldn't ask her to take it down, it just draws more attention to it and it's been seen now anyway. But next time be more assertive about not having your photo taken. Sorry you feel this way.

GrazingSheep · 09/12/2023 10:07

I’m upset it’s gone into peoples camera roll and they laugh when they randomly find it

Is that what you do when you randomly look at photos?

Original poster

reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 10:10

Thank you everyone! I don’t think she’s done it on purpose as she does seem like a nice person. I just feel upset within myself I’ve really let myself go. I actually don’t care how I look anymore so this picture is a wake up call if anything

OP posts:

Lemonyfuckit · 09/12/2023 10:11

Honestly OP we are all our own worst critics even at the best of times, but obviously even more so if we in a period where we're not very happy with how we look. I know it's easier said than done but please try to put this out of your mind though and just move on from it because I guarantee no one else will have given the photo a second thought.

Also, don't let this mean there are no photos at all of you because your children will love to have photos of their lovely mum - again this comes back to us being our own worst critics but all those who love us see is a picture of their loved one which you have no idea how previous those photos are in the future.

Smidge001 · 09/12/2023 10:11

I think you're being pretty self centered/vain to think anyone else gives a shit what you look like in photos! People will scan past them all, hover over their own and no doubt tell themselves they look crap (god how depressing, but probably true) and move on to the next message.

If you stopped caring about what you assume other people are thinking about you - when in fact they probably don't give you a second thought - you would honestly find it freeing and a great weight off your shoulders.

Lemonyfuckit · 09/12/2023 10:12

Edit - *precious those photos not 'previous'

pinklemonata · 09/12/2023 10:12

I'm sorry OP, my in laws have the worst habit of doing this! I swear they wait until I'm eating / talking to snap a terrible picture and plaster it all over Facebook I probably wouldn't message her but I would delete it from my WhatsApp so you can't see it and try to forget about it. I honestly think Photos are not an accurate representation of how we look! Be gentle with yourself, try to focus on what a fantastic thing you were doing for your children - volunteering for School is wonderful and I'm sure your Kiddies love you to pieces for doing it

Dogcatmousedog · 09/12/2023 10:13

People commenting ,saying to move on etc really do not understand how awful it is to hate photos of yourself.
I am very un photogenic and I have very few pics of myself with granddaughter because of this . It really is awful to be like this.
Ask for pictures to be deleted . I did the same with work pic that was put on our WhatsApp group !

HousedInMySoul · 09/12/2023 10:15

reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:52

I’m upset it’s gone into peoples camera roll and they laugh when they randomly find it. I really dislike myself right now I’m so ugly and disgusting

Please don't talk about yourself like this, op. Treat yourself gently, like a good friend would. No one ever lost weight or resolved issues around food and overeating by berating themselves - I should know!
You can't control what other people think, you can only control your own reactions. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter x

RudsyFarmer · 09/12/2023 10:15

i imagine she’s one of those people who doesn’t ‘get it’. I would never have put your photo up as I would have totally understood and respected your wishes.

I have no idea whether you should say something or not. On the one hand I get that you want it to disappear. On the other hand is this event going to pop up on ‘memories’ somewhere and force you to feel like crap again in 12 months.

RedHelenB · 09/12/2023 10:15

reallyfedup123 · 09/12/2023 09:52

I’m upset it’s gone into peoples camera roll and they laugh when they randomly find it. I really dislike myself right now I’m so ugly and disgusting

You're very focused on you. Other people won't be honestly.

ApricotLime · 09/12/2023 10:15

Smidge001 · 09/12/2023 10:11

I think you're being pretty self centered/vain to think anyone else gives a shit what you look like in photos! People will scan past them all, hover over their own and no doubt tell themselves they look crap (god how depressing, but probably true) and move on to the next message.

If you stopped caring about what you assume other people are thinking about you - when in fact they probably don't give you a second thought - you would honestly find it freeing and a great weight off your shoulders.

OP is the opposite to vain, since vain means having an excessively high opinion of one's appearance

MargaretThursday · 09/12/2023 10:15

You know, probably 95% of the people in all the photos she put up are saying "why did she pick that photo? I look terrible. Every one else looks fine"

No one will think anything of it. Don't worry.

Edited to say: The only time I have laughed at a photo is when it's someone I like, and they've showed me it because they think it's funny. I've never looked at a random photo of a group and studied it to think how dreadful individuals look.And I'd never go back on camera roll to think that either.

Laiste · 09/12/2023 10:17

OP
I know exactly how you feel. I DETEST having my picture taken because i always always look like a bloody alien in them!

My family freely admit i am ridiculously un-photogenic. They laugh when they look at pics of me and say HOW do you manage to always look so shit in photos!?

You know what's helped me? One of my daughters, now 20 something, suddenly also looks crap in pictures! Does she care? Nope. Not one jot. She laughs about it and posts loads of natural photos of her on nights out having fun.

Her rational: it's just a photo. Simply that. It means absolutely nothing. To those who know/like/love her - it's a photo of her. And therefore it's nice. To those who don't know her - they won't give a shit about the photo or how she looks.

Let it go OP. You have the power to get over this x

Ginandjuice57884 · 09/12/2023 10:17

I wouldn't draw attention to it by making a joke. Being self deprecating is sad and unnecessary.

Privately tell the person responsible that you aren't very happy it was shared.

Nobody is going to be going through their camera roll and laughing at a picture of you. I know anxiety is incredibly self centered but flip it around, imagine it was someone else - what would you do? Either it wouldn't even register or you might think "that's not a great picture" and move on with your day.

If anyone is doing that they're a weirdo!

WandaWonder · 09/12/2023 10:18

ApricotLime · 09/12/2023 10:15

OP is the opposite to vain, since vain means having an excessively high opinion of one's appearance

Show quote history

Self centred was also mentioned and I think that fits

plumtreebroke · 09/12/2023 10:19

I remember getting a passport picture taken, handed it over with the form and the guy said, I've seen some bad ones but that's terrible! It was, but I had to do it there and then so nothing I could do about it and had to live with it for 10 years. I can laugh about it now... sometimes.

CluelessVegetarian · 09/12/2023 10:19

She shouldn't have posted it when you explicitly asked her not to but i doubt anyone will spend any time thinking about it, laughing about it or remembering it.

If there are photos of lots of people from the chat then most people will quickly skim through them and only linger on the one of themselves. At the most they'll think "oh wow that's a really funny one of op. She looks so much better in person." Which I'm sure you do. Most people do because it's very difficult to get the angle and everything right in a photo to make someone look decent. When I was a teenager and used to feel bad about my face I'd make a lot of faces at myself in the mirror and then my actual normal expression looked pretty decent.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 09/12/2023 10:20

Ask her to take it down
"Hi, as we discussed I didn't want my photo shared so would appreciate you removing it."
Yanbu, people often don't want their picture shared. Twice this has happened to me. Once at work and once at a hobby I did. Some people just don't get it.

Justfinking · 09/12/2023 10:20

ElleLeopine · 09/12/2023 09:49

If she promised not to share, can you ask her to take it down?

This. Just be a grown up and tell her if you feel this strongly about it

CluelessVegetarian · 09/12/2023 10:21

Laiste · 09/12/2023 10:17

OP
I know exactly how you feel. I DETEST having my picture taken because i always always look like a bloody alien in them!

My family freely admit i am ridiculously un-photogenic. They laugh when they look at pics of me and say HOW do you manage to always look so shit in photos!?

You know what's helped me? One of my daughters, now 20 something, suddenly also looks crap in pictures! Does she care? Nope. Not one jot. She laughs about it and posts loads of natural photos of her on nights out having fun.

Her rational: it's just a photo. Simply that. It means absolutely nothing. To those who know/like/love her - it's a photo of her. And therefore it's nice. To those who don't know her - they won't give a shit about the photo or how she looks.

Let it go OP. You have the power to get over this x

I love this. Your daughter is very wise!!