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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Looking after parents dog when baby is due

120 replies

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:22

Baby number 1 is due 17 January.

My parents are having their house rewired and have been told they’ll have to move out for 2-3 weeks while it’s done.

They mentioned this vaguely a month or so ago and I said “you’ll have to stay with brother as it’ll likely be when baby is here or due”.

Today they’ve been given the date of 8th January for the rewiring to begin and have asked if we can have their dog stay here for 2-3 weeks because my brother has a cat so dog can’t stay with them.

We have two dogs ourselves which when I go into labour my parents are going to look after. I don’t mind them doing that at our house that’s fine. But im not sure about committing to have their dog stay here for the 2-3 weeks around my due date.

Their dog is very full on and very strong, we currently have the dog two days a week anyway when my dad works which is fine, but recently the amount we’re having her had crept up a lot. We’ve just had her Saturday - Wednesday plus daytime Thursday (today) and are having her Friday day time as Friday night as my dad wants to get back from work in time for a Christmas party. It just all suddenly feels very one sided the dog care arrangements. And walking three dogs when I’m 34 weeks pregnant has been hard!

Now they’ve asked if we can have her around my due date. I want to say no but not sure if I am being unreasonable?

They’ve said they’ll be over daily to walk her and look after her etc. but if baby is here I always imagined my husband and I having the first two weeks off with not many visitors while we find our feet?

It just feels like a massive ask and I’m not sure I want to commit to it.

I don’t know why they either rent a holiday cottage for the time (money is not as issue and it being January there are plenty around - I’ve checked) or postpone the rewiring to not fall around baby’s due date. They’ve known that baby is on the way since June when we told them.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 07/12/2023 22:26

I agree you’re not being unreasonable. I had my own little dog who is the most loving dog but when my dd was born, my dog was sort of thrown off and became a little nervous. You’ll already have enough to deal with, with your own dogs and baby. You’ll be exhausted and seems very unfair to have to take care of another pet.

I would politely say no, explain that at 34 weeks just now you’re finding it hard to walk them all and care for them all so you’ll need to stop. That’s not an h reasonable request from you. At 34 weeks I was only doing very short walks with my dog as I was really uncomfortable.
Your parents need to rent somewhere or postpone the works. Where will your parents be staying whilst the works are happening?

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2023 22:29

I say this a lot: everyone who has a dog should introduce their dog to going into kennels- because you never know when you might need to put them in.

A lot of people rely on family and friends, which is fine - until they can't do it and you're stuck, unable to on holiday or whatever.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/12/2023 22:31

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. No way would we have had a big, strong dog potentially anywhere near a newborn.
They can pay for kennels. If they can’t, they shouldn’t have a dog.

TizerorFizz · 07/12/2023 22:31

Do not have someone else’s full on dog in the house with a new baby. Asking for trouble and far too much work. Your parents are mad to ask.

misstiger78 · 07/12/2023 22:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:39

Thanks all this has been good to read. I just feel so guilty for saying no because I’ve never said no to looking after her before but I just m think it’ll be too much. Im going to push back and say no.

Although I feel upset that they’ve even asked :(

OP posts:
Original poster
ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:40

Hiddenvoice · 07/12/2023 22:26

I agree you’re not being unreasonable. I had my own little dog who is the most loving dog but when my dd was born, my dog was sort of thrown off and became a little nervous. You’ll already have enough to deal with, with your own dogs and baby. You’ll be exhausted and seems very unfair to have to take care of another pet.

I would politely say no, explain that at 34 weeks just now you’re finding it hard to walk them all and care for them all so you’ll need to stop. That’s not an h reasonable request from you. At 34 weeks I was only doing very short walks with my dog as I was really uncomfortable.
Your parents need to rent somewhere or postpone the works. Where will your parents be staying whilst the works are happening?

They’ll be staying at my brothers. They just can’t have the dog there because they have a cat.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 07/12/2023 22:46

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:39

Thanks all this has been good to read. I just feel so guilty for saying no because I’ve never said no to looking after her before but I just m think it’ll be too much. Im going to push back and say no.

Although I feel upset that they’ve even asked :(

Please don’t feel guilty. It’s too much of an ask just now and not what you need when you’re trying to adjust to newborn life. You won’t have the same amount of energy or time to look after their dog. You also might not want your parents over everyday to walk the dog and just want to have quiet days just the three of you.

My in laws recently had to stay with my sil. They have a dog and sil has cats but they just had to make it work as there was no other options.

WaltzingWaters · 07/12/2023 22:48

No way. You don’t know what will happen with the birth. I had an emergency section, in hospital for a week in total (labour and post natal) and we had friends look after our small dog as I was nervous she’d jump up and catch my scar. Plus I could barely walk the first couple weeks.
I can’t believe they’re even asking to be honest!

LadyBird1973 · 07/12/2023 22:49

Yanbu at all. You don't know how you are going to feel post birth and you are perfectly reasonable to want quiet time either no additional stresses and not have people over every day

Original poster
ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:51

WaltzingWaters · 07/12/2023 22:48

No way. You don’t know what will happen with the birth. I had an emergency section, in hospital for a week in total (labour and post natal) and we had friends look after our small dog as I was nervous she’d jump up and catch my scar. Plus I could barely walk the first couple weeks.
I can’t believe they’re even asking to be honest!

This is my fear as well because she does jump up and she doesn’t know her own strength so if I did have a c section then I’d be terrified to have her round me.

Our two dogs are much more gentle so I’d be less concerned about them but I’d still need to be on alert for them just in case so having another dog to think about just seems like too much.

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 07/12/2023 22:51

I cannot believe they asked. It would be very unsafe for you and the baby, even your own two will be unsettled and not in the same room as the baby really.

Vinrouge4 · 07/12/2023 22:52

Why do you have to look after the dog so much? Can’t your mum look after it when your dad is working?

TedWilson · 07/12/2023 22:57

I'd say the midwife has instructed bed rest. You can't possibly have him.

Original poster
ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:59

Vinrouge4 · 07/12/2023 22:52

Why do you have to look after the dog so much? Can’t your mum look after it when your dad is working?

So the agreement is I have them Thursday and Friday as I wfh and my parents are working. Then they have our two on Tuesday when I go into the office - but I’ve been so sick in pregnancy I’ve been allowed to wfh all the time so they haven’t actually looked after our dogs that day.

Then the recent long spell was because they went on holiday.

I know I need to start pushing back more though because we frequently also have her on a Saturday as my dad does ultra running and my mum is at the gym and coffee with her friends 9-4ish most Saturdays.

My mum doesn’t like looking after their dog alone much because once she knocked my mum over on a walk… which now seems even more silly that they expect their pregnant daughter to walk her with two other dogs as well!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ActDottie · 07/12/2023 23:04

Hiddenvoice · 07/12/2023 22:46

Please don’t feel guilty. It’s too much of an ask just now and not what you need when you’re trying to adjust to newborn life. You won’t have the same amount of energy or time to look after their dog. You also might not want your parents over everyday to walk the dog and just want to have quiet days just the three of you.

My in laws recently had to stay with my sil. They have a dog and sil has cats but they just had to make it work as there was no other options.

Show quote history

See i think the dog can stay with my brother too. They’ll have to be more alert but their cat has met my dogs and been fine, they just kinda ignore each other. So I think if they have to they can make this work.

OP posts:
Jk987 · 07/12/2023 23:04

They wouldn't expect you to continue looking after the dog once you've given birth surely? You might be in hospital for 1-2 nights minimum for a start! And the last thing you'll need is an extra dog with a newborn!

If you can easily hand it back when you're due then it's not so bad.

Original poster
ActDottie · 07/12/2023 23:08

Jk987 · 07/12/2023 23:04

They wouldn't expect you to continue looking after the dog once you've given birth surely? You might be in hospital for 1-2 nights minimum for a start! And the last thing you'll need is an extra dog with a newborn!

If you can easily hand it back when you're due then it's not so bad.

Yeah they’d expect us to have her after too. They’ve caveated it by saying my dad will look after her etc. but I don’t really want the commotion of him popping round every day when we have a new born. And it may feel quite intrusive at a time we want it to just be us.

OP posts:
Vinrouge4 · 07/12/2023 23:10

You are putting yourself out so they can have a social life without worrying about their dog. You need to put yourself and your unborn baby first. You don’t need a big dog around in your condition. Maybe think about stopping the Saturdays from now on and give them a week’s warning that you are too uncomfortable and unsteady to be looking after the dog any more.

StarDolphins · 07/12/2023 23:13

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2023 22:29

I say this a lot: everyone who has a dog should introduce their dog to going into kennels- because you never know when you might need to put them in.

A lot of people rely on family and friends, which is fine - until they can't do it and you're stuck, unable to on holiday or whatever.

This is me. My dog is12 & has never stayed anywhere bar our house. I had him before my DD 7 was born. My ex is having to come & stay for 4 nights next year while I take my DD to Spain.

I will NEVER do this again. If I get another dog when mine goes, I will definitely be getting them used to external home boarding.

stayathomer · 07/12/2023 23:14

I don’t think many could look after a dog in that situation (a anything could happen with the baby) but I do get why they asked since they’re looking after your dog

LadyBird1973 · 07/12/2023 23:15

I think it's time you pushed back generally - you seem to have their dog more than they do! They probably shouldn't own a dog tbh.

Davros · 07/12/2023 23:16

@ActDottie I can't believe what I'm reading They’ll be staying at my brothers. They just can’t have the dog there because they have a cat. But you will have a baby! As much as I love cats, arrangements can be made n

AdoraBell · 07/12/2023 23:17

YANBU just tell them - no, that won’t work with a new born baby.

Why do you have the dog when your father works?

Original poster
ActDottie · 07/12/2023 23:20

AdoraBell · 07/12/2023 23:17

YANBU just tell them - no, that won’t work with a new born baby.

Why do you have the dog when your father works?

Because my mum is also at work. They have ours when I go into the office once a week but that hasn’t really happened since I’ve been pregnant as I have been allowed to wfh full time.

OP posts:
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