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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Looking after parents dog when baby is due

120 replies

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:22

Baby number 1 is due 17 January.

My parents are having their house rewired and have been told they’ll have to move out for 2-3 weeks while it’s done.

They mentioned this vaguely a month or so ago and I said “you’ll have to stay with brother as it’ll likely be when baby is here or due”.

Today they’ve been given the date of 8th January for the rewiring to begin and have asked if we can have their dog stay here for 2-3 weeks because my brother has a cat so dog can’t stay with them.

We have two dogs ourselves which when I go into labour my parents are going to look after. I don’t mind them doing that at our house that’s fine. But im not sure about committing to have their dog stay here for the 2-3 weeks around my due date.

Their dog is very full on and very strong, we currently have the dog two days a week anyway when my dad works which is fine, but recently the amount we’re having her had crept up a lot. We’ve just had her Saturday - Wednesday plus daytime Thursday (today) and are having her Friday day time as Friday night as my dad wants to get back from work in time for a Christmas party. It just all suddenly feels very one sided the dog care arrangements. And walking three dogs when I’m 34 weeks pregnant has been hard!

Now they’ve asked if we can have her around my due date. I want to say no but not sure if I am being unreasonable?

They’ve said they’ll be over daily to walk her and look after her etc. but if baby is here I always imagined my husband and I having the first two weeks off with not many visitors while we find our feet?

It just feels like a massive ask and I’m not sure I want to commit to it.

I don’t know why they either rent a holiday cottage for the time (money is not as issue and it being January there are plenty around - I’ve checked) or postpone the rewiring to not fall around baby’s due date. They’ve known that baby is on the way since June when we told them.

OP posts:
BrimfulOfMash · 07/12/2023 23:20

we frequently also have her on a Saturday as my dad does ultra running and my mum is at the gym and coffee with her friends 9-4ish most Saturdays.
**
My mum doesn’t like looking after their dog alone much because once she knocked my mum over on a walk

What????? OP this is ridiculous.

No to you walking their dog from now on, while you are pregnant and when you have a newborn. No to you having the dog during the rewiring.

And unless they start a training regime and put a stop to the jumping up it won’t be safe to have their dog around your house after your baby is born. Imagine: a knocked over Moses basket. A knocked over toddler, by a big strong dog.

If I was your DH I would have said no way straight away to the dog sitting while you have your baby.

What on earth are your parents thinking?

Viviennemary · 07/12/2023 23:24

The waters are muddied as you already look after the dog quite a lot and they look after yours. . But if it isn't convenient then say no. They will need to make other arrangements. But you should have made this clear and not been so vague.

Dontbesuspicious · 07/12/2023 23:26

Your parents need to speak to another electrician/company... I had a full rewire on a large victorian (4 story 3500sq foot) house earlier this year and it was done in 6 days. 3 weeks is ridiculous unless they live in a mansion... in which case if they do dog needs yo go to kennels.
Don't take on your parents dog for 3 weeks when new baby is due.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 07/12/2023 23:26

No, you need to set your stall out now about what you're happy to do now, at your due date and after the birth.
You need things to change both now and in the future so decide what you're happy with and talk to them.

Redskyatwhatever · 07/12/2023 23:31

OP say no right now, you don’t need them to reciprocate and anyway you are getting the dog dumped on you way more than was ever agreed. I’ll make a wee prediction, if you don’t say no to this then your mum and dad will be thinking ooh Dottie is at home all the time now and she’s already got dogs so she could easily have ours as well 24/7, quite forgetting that you are actually on maternity leave looking after a new born having just birthed said new born.

Bentley123 · 07/12/2023 23:33

Please don’t say yes, I have a dog and found it a struggle adjusting with him when my first was born. He was a young pup though! And I had complications - my parents ended up looking after our dog for a couple of weeks!

Lavender14 · 07/12/2023 23:37

Absolutely not. This is the time to get as much rest when you can and get things ready and enjoy some time with your partner and furbabies. We have a medium to large dog and he's strong on lead, by the end of my pregnancy I couldn't walk him and it was difficult at times when dh was away and I needed to manage him on my own as it was physically very uncomfortable for me. You don't know how you'll feel at that stage so I wouldn't be taking on anything extra. I actually think it's a bit unfair that they've asked you knowing that they'll need to take your dogs. A home from home or kennels should be reclaimable on their home insurance depending on their cover.

Italiangreyhound · 07/12/2023 23:43

Just say no. You do not need to explain that it is inconvenient. That you could go into labour at any time and don't need another thing to think about.

Please think about yourself and your baby and just say no.

They will need to find an alternative work around.

Ginandjuice57884 · 10/12/2023 12:29

I have dogs and cats. I ended up "looking after" one of the dogs some years ago and she never left. She would kill my cats given the chance but it is not difficult to keep them separate. Dogs have the living room with direct access to the garden. Cats have the rest of the house. And never the twain meet. There has been one incident in many years due to a door catch breaking. Thankfully turned out okay but it's certainly not a daily occurrence!

Casperroonie · 10/12/2023 12:44

Unless it's one of the stronger, potentially aggressive dogs I think it may be nice to help them. Keep it away from baby of arrival is during that time. Or maybe just offer a few days rather than doggy going into kennels all that time.

Inertia · 10/12/2023 12:49

It’s really not ok that they are putting your safety at risk to accommodate a dog they can e bothered to look after themselves. Your mum won’t look after the dog because it knocked her over, but she’s happy for it to knock over their 8 month pregnant daughter?

You need to start saying no from now on.

TiaraBoo · 10/12/2023 12:54

Agree with everyone saying no.
And kennels isn’t the only option if your brother won’t have the dog at his house, they could use a dog boarder or rent a cottage like you said.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/12/2023 12:54

Why do they even have the dog? They barely spend time with it!
Angry on your behalf that they even asked you tbh.

OhYeahOhYeah · 10/12/2023 12:56

With both our babies, our dog at the time knew something was different and became a lot more needy. If you couple that with another (not your) dog, I think it sounds like a recipe for disaster as soooooo much extra anxiety and work for you, at a very stressful time.

Say no. They’re v unreasonable to have even burdened you with asking.

Good luck with baby xx

beanii · 10/12/2023 12:57

THEY are being the unreasonable ones here - not you.

It sounds like they need to rehome the dog, it's too strong for them and you look after it during the week anyway - why on earth have they still got it 🙄.

Tell them to jog on and stay home whilst the house is rewired, same as most do.

icallshade · 10/12/2023 13:03

I had my 3 dogs and my mums 3 dogs for the week leading up to the birth of my first and until my DD was 2 weeks old. This wouldn't bother me at all but you are more than allowed to set your own boundaries x

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 10/12/2023 13:04

They can
(a) change the dates of the rewiring;
(b) stay in the house while the rewiring is done;
(c) leave the dog in one room of the house while the rewiring is done, and pop by to feed/walk it (same as they're suggesting they do when it's at yours);
(d) take their dog to your DB's and keep it in the car, or in one room - away from the cat;
(e) rent a cottage and offer to reciprocate all the times you've taken care of their dog by hosting your two dogs there while you're at hospital, and for a week or so afterwards.

From now onwards, it sounds like they should employ a dog-walker to look after their dog on whatever days they're not prepared to do this themselves, and remove the burden entirely from you, their heavily-pregnant daughter. And it's pretty selfish of them not to have thought of this for themselves (especially if, as you say, they're not short of money).

tachycardigan · 10/12/2023 13:06

YANBU, please say no. It’s possible they see the dog as an excuse to intrude on you and baby whenever they like.

They are very selfish to inflict a dog on a heavily pregnant woman when that dog has form for knocking women over.

tachycardigan · 10/12/2023 13:06

icallshade · 10/12/2023 13:03

I had my 3 dogs and my mums 3 dogs for the week leading up to the birth of my first and until my DD was 2 weeks old. This wouldn't bother me at all but you are more than allowed to set your own boundaries x

Were you walking all 6 and being knocked over by them?

thesixleggedpsychopathonthetrain · 10/12/2023 13:09

Of course you shouldn't be expected to look after someone else's dog when you are due to give birth. Your parents should have more sense than to ask it.

2jacqi · 10/12/2023 13:12

@ActDottie confused! why do you have their dog when your dad works?? can your mum not cope with the dog on her own??? why are you having it extra days at the moment? doesnt make sense! could they not have arranged re-wiring at a more convenient date for everyone??

tachycardigan · 10/12/2023 13:24

2jacqi · 10/12/2023 13:12

@ActDottie confused! why do you have their dog when your dad works?? can your mum not cope with the dog on her own??? why are you having it extra days at the moment? doesnt make sense! could they not have arranged re-wiring at a more convenient date for everyone??

OMG how can people still be confused after OP has calmly explained several times that her mum also works, so OP has their dogs.

diddl · 10/12/2023 13:27

See i think the dog can stay with my brother too. They’ll have to be more alert but their cat has met my dogs and been fine, they just kinda ignore each other. So I think if they have to they can make this work.

Perhaps your brother cba to "make it work" & doesn't trust your parents to?

ttcat37 · 10/12/2023 13:27

Just get them to put the dog into kennels. They clearly aren’t that interested in it, it sounds like it practically lives with you anyway.

sarah419 · 10/12/2023 13:30

You are not being unreasonable however only the bit about having two weeks of no visitors to “find your feet”. Having your parents around will actually help you find your feet a lot quicker (obviously if they aren’t busy with the dogs).