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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Looking after parents dog when baby is due

120 replies

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:22

Baby number 1 is due 17 January.

My parents are having their house rewired and have been told they’ll have to move out for 2-3 weeks while it’s done.

They mentioned this vaguely a month or so ago and I said “you’ll have to stay with brother as it’ll likely be when baby is here or due”.

Today they’ve been given the date of 8th January for the rewiring to begin and have asked if we can have their dog stay here for 2-3 weeks because my brother has a cat so dog can’t stay with them.

We have two dogs ourselves which when I go into labour my parents are going to look after. I don’t mind them doing that at our house that’s fine. But im not sure about committing to have their dog stay here for the 2-3 weeks around my due date.

Their dog is very full on and very strong, we currently have the dog two days a week anyway when my dad works which is fine, but recently the amount we’re having her had crept up a lot. We’ve just had her Saturday - Wednesday plus daytime Thursday (today) and are having her Friday day time as Friday night as my dad wants to get back from work in time for a Christmas party. It just all suddenly feels very one sided the dog care arrangements. And walking three dogs when I’m 34 weeks pregnant has been hard!

Now they’ve asked if we can have her around my due date. I want to say no but not sure if I am being unreasonable?

They’ve said they’ll be over daily to walk her and look after her etc. but if baby is here I always imagined my husband and I having the first two weeks off with not many visitors while we find our feet?

It just feels like a massive ask and I’m not sure I want to commit to it.

I don’t know why they either rent a holiday cottage for the time (money is not as issue and it being January there are plenty around - I’ve checked) or postpone the rewiring to not fall around baby’s due date. They’ve known that baby is on the way since June when we told them.

OP posts:

BIossomtoes · 10/12/2023 13:33

Holiday cottage or kennels - your mum’s clearly forgotten the new born stage. You really don’t need another dog.

StillWantingADog · 10/12/2023 13:36

Yanbu at all but I think you’ve slightly allowed yourself to get in a situation where they rely on you to look after their dog. They need to get her used to kennels or other arrangements

I get it’s hard to say a 100% no to their dog permanently though when occasionally you might want them to look after yours

but when you have a new baby 100% no Yanbu

Daddydog · 10/12/2023 13:45

Please don't even consider it OP. I arranged a special holiday abroad for my FIL's big birthday but that ended up coinciding with the birth of our daughter. She was barely a week old and we had two geriatric lhasa apsos (nightmare breed) come to stay. One had recently become totally blind and was a PITA. None of the family offered to help, don't blame them 🤣

I tried desperately to find a kennel but everywhere was full. It was a week or absolute hell. The blind one would sleep during the day but at night it was roam around looking for my FIL get stuck, fall down the stairs or end up in a corner. Bark like mad waking the baby and our 3 year old up. A never ending chain of mayhem! It's such a stressful time and you don't need anything to add to it and anyone whoes been there like your folks would understand.

Nicole1111 · 10/12/2023 13:54

Trust me when I say (from experience) that having to manage a new born and 2 dogs is bad enough, even if the dogs are generally well behaved. I also had to have my parents look after my dogs when I went in to have the baby as I had a very long induction. The last thing you’ll need is to be adding another dog in to the mix.

Flossflower · 10/12/2023 14:09

Vinrouge4 · 07/12/2023 23:10

You are putting yourself out so they can have a social life without worrying about their dog. You need to put yourself and your unborn baby first. You don’t need a big dog around in your condition. Maybe think about stopping the Saturdays from now on and give them a week’s warning that you are too uncomfortable and unsteady to be looking after the dog any more.

Totally agree with this post.
We had our house completely rewired a couple of years ago and we did not have to move out. A few takeaways and meals out but it was fine

AnotherEmma · 10/12/2023 14:10

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:59

So the agreement is I have them Thursday and Friday as I wfh and my parents are working. Then they have our two on Tuesday when I go into the office - but I’ve been so sick in pregnancy I’ve been allowed to wfh all the time so they haven’t actually looked after our dogs that day.

Then the recent long spell was because they went on holiday.

I know I need to start pushing back more though because we frequently also have her on a Saturday as my dad does ultra running and my mum is at the gym and coffee with her friends 9-4ish most Saturdays.

My mum doesn’t like looking after their dog alone much because once she knocked my mum over on a walk… which now seems even more silly that they expect their pregnant daughter to walk her with two other dogs as well!!

Show quote history

They are taking the piss and you are letting them.

They need to pay a dog sitter / walker, ensure one of them WFH on a Thursday or Friday, and/or reduce their time out of the house on a Saturday.

If I were you I would tell them that you can have the dog 1 day a week until Christmas and it stops then.

AnotherEmma · 10/12/2023 14:13

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 23:04

See i think the dog can stay with my brother too. They’ll have to be more alert but their cat has met my dogs and been fine, they just kinda ignore each other. So I think if they have to they can make this work.

Show quote history

Well, that's your brother's decision, and frankly the dog is not his problem, it's your parents' problem.

I have 2 cats, my PILs would bring their dog when they visited and insist the cats were "fine", they were not.

AnotherEmma · 10/12/2023 14:17

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 10/12/2023 13:04

They can
(a) change the dates of the rewiring;
(b) stay in the house while the rewiring is done;
(c) leave the dog in one room of the house while the rewiring is done, and pop by to feed/walk it (same as they're suggesting they do when it's at yours);
(d) take their dog to your DB's and keep it in the car, or in one room - away from the cat;
(e) rent a cottage and offer to reciprocate all the times you've taken care of their dog by hosting your two dogs there while you're at hospital, and for a week or so afterwards.

From now onwards, it sounds like they should employ a dog-walker to look after their dog on whatever days they're not prepared to do this themselves, and remove the burden entirely from you, their heavily-pregnant daughter. And it's pretty selfish of them not to have thought of this for themselves (especially if, as you say, they're not short of money).

e would be lovely wouldn't it? Bet they won't do it though.

OrdinaryGirl · 10/12/2023 17:08

100% no. They need to make other arrangements.

Cherrysoup · 10/12/2023 17:24

OrdinaryGirl · 10/12/2023 17:08

100% no. They need to make other arrangements.

Completely this. Your mum doesn’t like walking it because it pulled her over yet you’re meant to have it, heavily pregnant? Nah, tell them no and tell them now that you want time alone when the baby’s here. Don’t let them tell you they’ll not even see you when they come to walk the bloody dog, just no!

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 10/12/2023 17:29

You are,absolutely not,being unreasonable. If anything, your parents should be doing ALL they can to lighten the load for you,,and help you to manage preparing for, and rhen managing, newborn. I can't,quite believe what they are doing. Are you,usually a "coper" so they have no idea how much this might impact?
I think you,need to let them.knoq that thye need to make plans to take their dog elsewhere and .. if relationship is good enough to help you with your two as you are struggling to manage. And that you really need their help.

Its crazy of them.to put on,you,at this time... have they lost their mind or are they usually so selfish?

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 10/12/2023 17:30

And don't get into trying to find solutions to their problem...,that's for them to manage and it won't help you,at all.

Duechristmas · 10/12/2023 17:34

I thought this post was you asking something of your parents but actually all you're doing is asking bit to have additional responsibilities, set your boundaries now, it sounds like you're going to need them!

wetotter · 10/12/2023 17:39

You own dogs are going to need considerable attention when your baby arrives (because it's likely they'll be very wary of this noisy little bundle that is taking up so much of their human's time) because you don't want them to resent the baby. Not that dogs have human emotions, but I hope you get my drift - it's a change to their family, which might cause insecurity and behavioural issues and you need to head that off at the very outset.

You'll be getting used to baby wrangling, and arranging your house and routines so the dogs are never unsupervised round the baby.

So there's no way I'd be having an extra dog in the house.

Now, if it was an emergency (say one of them had an emergency hospital admission) then yes I'd rally round. But they've had every opportunity to plan this, and they need to make different arrangements for their dog

Fruitandnuts · 10/12/2023 17:45

I’m adding in an absolute no aswell.

My own 14 year old dog whined and cried when my newborn cried. It was extremely stressful dealing with it all with hormones,
sleep deprivation and pain from an assisted birth.
You dont know what why things will go. I had thought I could manage but I basically had a crying breakdown with DP and we arranged for the dog to go to family for 3 weeks until I got into a routine with baby.
The relief i had was instant , my baby could cry and I couldn’t give her 100%

Mostlyoblivious · 10/12/2023 17:57

So many reasons that this is unfair on yourselves. I’d be worried about your dogs adjusting to having a little baby added to the brood so absolutely wouldn’t want to add a third dog who isn’t part of the pack into that mix.
Your parents are being thoughtless at best. I hope saying no went well OP. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Jcf1977 · 10/12/2023 18:01

If it’s too much now, it’s too much. This is baby number one. The time when they are new born they don’t do much and they sleep. But don’t be fooled into thinking this gives you time for anything but recovery! I’m sure a c section is not your plan but if you have an emergency one you won’t be able to move around easily and will absolutely not be taking any dogs for walks. Never mind the having a newborn with a big crazy dog around. They are being selfish and either need to book an air bnb or move the works. Book an air bnb for them if necessary. Outrageous intrusion at a really precious time.

forrestgreen · 10/12/2023 18:02

Ask your mum to pop round and walk all three dogs. Send your dog over there a lot when dad is at work.

She'll say no

Then say that's why I don't understand why you think I'll be able to do it after giving birth.

NoThanksymm · 10/12/2023 18:08

Like you said. Super nice to get your feet under you!

your parents are putting you in such an akward spot! I’m really sorry about that.

there are some people who don’t think things through. That just ask- cause if you don’t ask you don’t know. If your parents will take the ‘no’ ok then do that.

or maybe ‘ sorry I was figuring you’d get a dog friendly holiday home, or get the retiring done when it’s not my due date….’

or worst of all. You’ve mentored you want the two weeks to yourselves and they are doing this to sneak in more new baby time??

only you know them. And you are growing a grandchild! You can discuss this with them. Maybe the dog stays but they pay for doggie daycare for all three for a few weeks ( it’s the best everr for large dog/puppies) or dog walkers.

Craftysue · 10/12/2023 18:09

I think you're parents are being unfair to ask you. It's too much for you either late pregnancy/ early motherhood. I hate saying no but sometimes you just have to look after yourself
Good luck with the new baby x

momonpurpose · 10/12/2023 18:18

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/12/2023 22:31

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. No way would we have had a big, strong dog potentially anywhere near a newborn.
They can pay for kennels. If they can’t, they shouldn’t have a dog.

Agreed!

Bordesleyhills · 10/12/2023 18:20

No- they could push the re wire back - you have too much on your plate

PeppermintMandy · 10/12/2023 18:22

Honestly the whole situation is bonkers.

They sound like people who just shouldn’t have a dog. They don’t live the right lifestyle for it. If you’ve got a dog, tough titties one of you can’t go ultra running on a Saturday while the other goes to the gym then out for coffee with friends for hours. You want a dog but you both work out the house for 8+ hours a day? Then you need a dog walker. People getting pets and then burdening their families with them to this extent is madness.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 10/12/2023 18:45

When I had DS (no c-section, no complications), one of the midwives asked if I had a dog - she then told me under NO circumstances could I take the dog for a walk for a minimum of a fortnight because if the dog tugged on the lead, it could cause haemorraging without any warning. There you go, perfect excuse!

Agree with a lot of PPs though that your parents sound unsuited to having a dog. You can't just go off for your hobbies & palm off your dog on someone else!

greencheetah · 10/12/2023 18:49

You need to say no. Also, broach the fact that you won’t be able to look after their dog so much when you have a new baby. It all sounds way too much.

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