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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Looking after parents dog when baby is due

120 replies

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:22

Baby number 1 is due 17 January.

My parents are having their house rewired and have been told they’ll have to move out for 2-3 weeks while it’s done.

They mentioned this vaguely a month or so ago and I said “you’ll have to stay with brother as it’ll likely be when baby is here or due”.

Today they’ve been given the date of 8th January for the rewiring to begin and have asked if we can have their dog stay here for 2-3 weeks because my brother has a cat so dog can’t stay with them.

We have two dogs ourselves which when I go into labour my parents are going to look after. I don’t mind them doing that at our house that’s fine. But im not sure about committing to have their dog stay here for the 2-3 weeks around my due date.

Their dog is very full on and very strong, we currently have the dog two days a week anyway when my dad works which is fine, but recently the amount we’re having her had crept up a lot. We’ve just had her Saturday - Wednesday plus daytime Thursday (today) and are having her Friday day time as Friday night as my dad wants to get back from work in time for a Christmas party. It just all suddenly feels very one sided the dog care arrangements. And walking three dogs when I’m 34 weeks pregnant has been hard!

Now they’ve asked if we can have her around my due date. I want to say no but not sure if I am being unreasonable?

They’ve said they’ll be over daily to walk her and look after her etc. but if baby is here I always imagined my husband and I having the first two weeks off with not many visitors while we find our feet?

It just feels like a massive ask and I’m not sure I want to commit to it.

I don’t know why they either rent a holiday cottage for the time (money is not as issue and it being January there are plenty around - I’ve checked) or postpone the rewiring to not fall around baby’s due date. They’ve known that baby is on the way since June when we told them.

OP posts:
KatieB55 · 10/12/2023 18:49

They could find someone who does home boarding. This is too much for you and unfair of them to ask.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 10/12/2023 18:49

Hope this thread has helped toughen your resolve OP. You need to stand up to your parents. No more palming off their dog on you at all. You and your baby are the priority and they need to sort out their social lives immediately and look after their dog.

Hopefully you or your DH have been on the phone assertively changing arrangements. It's also worth remembering that you never know how dogs will react to a tiny baby and you need to be completely on top of that situation with your two and not distracted with an extra dog.

Good luck.

JANEY205 · 10/12/2023 18:56

I have the same due date as you OP! Congratulations!! I’m fully expecting my little dog to lose it a little with all the changes and have been warned she may have more accidents etc from friends who have dogs and new babies and so I really wouldn’t want 3 to deal with! Especially one who sounds very rambunctious. It would be easier to have the dog where your brothers cat is for goodness sake!

whynotwhatknot · 10/12/2023 18:57

erm what happens after baby is born you cant walk it then

neilyoungismyhero · 10/12/2023 18:59

The dog arrangements sounded brilliant and no doubt were before you became pregnant. I find it really hard to understand how your parents are being so entitled and inconsiderate. It beggars belief really. You have to dog sit at the weekend so your parents can enjoy their social life gym and coffee etc..wtf?
As hard as it may be you have to stand up for yourself and your family, sort out boundaries and stick to them. They're treating you like a doormat OP.

Phoenixfire1988 · 10/12/2023 18:59

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:59

So the agreement is I have them Thursday and Friday as I wfh and my parents are working. Then they have our two on Tuesday when I go into the office - but I’ve been so sick in pregnancy I’ve been allowed to wfh all the time so they haven’t actually looked after our dogs that day.

Then the recent long spell was because they went on holiday.

I know I need to start pushing back more though because we frequently also have her on a Saturday as my dad does ultra running and my mum is at the gym and coffee with her friends 9-4ish most Saturdays.

My mum doesn’t like looking after their dog alone much because once she knocked my mum over on a walk… which now seems even more silly that they expect their pregnant daughter to walk her with two other dogs as well!!

Show quote history

The dog would be absolutely fine home alone with some food and water down they could also get someone to go in and walk the dog mid day there's absolutely no need to be carting the dog to yours constantly and if they didn't have the time to look after a dog why have one in the first place

LaurieStrode · 10/12/2023 19:00

They're bonkers.

Why on earth did they schedule the wiring work for the month you are due to give birth?

Don't they have other friends who could take in the dog?

Arosebyanyname · 10/12/2023 19:03

I'm a dog behaviourist, and all I can say is they are taking the piss. It's a hard no.

Grimbelina · 10/12/2023 19:08

No way would I be having someone else's large, boisterous dog along with my own two dogs around my baby and me post-partum.

You need to put your baby first, if you can't put yourself first. This is the first in a long line of boundaries you will need to set to protect your child. This is the nature of being a parent... so you may as well start setting them now!

JANEY205 · 10/12/2023 19:12

OP I just want to add, if this big dog who knocked your mother down previously, bumps into you whilst you are postpartum or holding your newborn it could be catastrophic!! The potential for real harm to you both is huge. It’s not fair on your dogs either! You’re having too many changes and this is a firm NO.

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 10/12/2023 19:19

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 23:04

See i think the dog can stay with my brother too. They’ll have to be more alert but their cat has met my dogs and been fine, they just kinda ignore each other. So I think if they have to they can make this work.

Show quote history

We have 4 cats and regularly dogsit for people. 2 of our cats hate dogs but they just crack on and get over it - it is definitely doable (and far more doable than you having them!). We restrict access in the house so the cats and dogs sleep separately and it's fine. Or they'll need to do what everyone else does and suck up the cost of a kennel for a couple of weeks!

And what is their big plan for if/when you go into labour - just leave their dogs roaming around your house? You could need to stay in hospital for an extended amount of time, or baby could be and you'd be back and forth, and if it all went swimmingly, you'd still be navigating looking after a newborn and could do without the stress of looking after an extra dog too who could react in any way.

I'm 40 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I absolutely wouldn't have the patience or energy for an extra dog at this point! You do have to be quite blunt with your pushbacks - I'm repeatedly being asked about Christmas visits and "play it by ear" has not been going down well, but ultimately nobody is going to hold any of this against you long term if they want to be involved in baby's life!

Floppyelf · 10/12/2023 19:31

Your parents are absolute chancers. Unless they reciprocate with free baby sitting…. Has that been floated yet?

MorningHood · 10/12/2023 19:46

Yanbu.

They need to find a dog sitter solution and stop dumping their boisterous dog on you two to three times a week! That’s CF behaviour imho. The fact they’ve not even considered your pregnancy and newborn is pretty selfish. Why are you the default dog sitter so they can go running and to the gym!? Do they even want a dog?

Kittylala · 10/12/2023 19:46

Hi mum, we've decided to put the dogs into kennels for 3 weeks so we can adjust. Would you like me to book yours in too? She'll say no and hopefully make other arrangements and you can just announce the kennels couldn't take yours in after all. (If they ever question)

M5ybelle · 10/12/2023 20:03

Have they considered that babies can arrive early? Theyalways do in our family. Would the midwife, then health visitor be happy visiting a house with an unknown dog around a new baby? Wishing you well x

DreamTheMoors · 10/12/2023 20:08

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:40

They’ll be staying at my brothers. They just can’t have the dog there because they have a cat.

Show quote history

So the cat trumps your brand new baby?

That’s absolutely, absurdly ridiculous.

Just say no.

ScartlettSole · 10/12/2023 20:12

I'm a massive softy with animals, especially dogs, I have two dogs of my own and also foster so I would be the dafty that said "fuck it, whats one more" 🤣

However, when we had our youngest 5 years ago she was very poorly and transferred to a specialist hospital 25miles away. We had our two old dogs, three rabbits, a hamster and a gecko to look after as well as doing 12 hours shifts in NICU and it was bloody hard going.

Hopefully all will be well and you and baby will be home safe and sound but you literally cannot predict what will happen so i'd say err on the side of caution and say no.

Channellingsophistication · 10/12/2023 20:15

I’m amazed they would ask you when you are about to have a baby, so no you are not being unreasonable.

Merryandbright1170 · 10/12/2023 20:24

I had a situation similar but a bit different. My parents had booked to go away just after my due date. They asked me to look after their elderly blind dog. I'd never looked after a dog before. I also had complications of stitches and very low iron so felt awful when I came out of my hospital stay. I felt bad saying no but did it anyway. I massively regretted not saying no. It was a hard slog. A new born and you have 3 dogs to look after. I would say no to them. You don't even need to justify it to them.

PeloMom · 10/12/2023 20:32

So they have more respect and consideration for your brother’s cat than you as a newly postpartum and a baby??

StaunchMomma · 10/12/2023 20:36

Just be honest, OP.

They know the dog is a handful (hence DM not wanting to walk it alone etc) and you just don't need that when you're fresh out of hospital with a new born. Nobody wants a powerful, jump-up dog around with a tiny baby.

If they have the money they need to book themselves in somewhere and look after their own dog.

They should be offering to help you at that time, not the other way round!

OftIwandered · 10/12/2023 20:43

I really think them rearranging the rewire would be a good option. Or renting somewhere else. Or taking their dog to your brother's. But you need to say NOW that you* *can't have the dog around your due date. In fact, if your mother ìs not comfortable to walk the dog on her own, you shouldn't be walking it either. I would expect you might want some help with dog-care yourselves when you have a new baby.

OftIwandered · 10/12/2023 20:55

Also, after your baby is born, don't go back to looking after their dog - they need to get a dog walker or use doggy daycare. Eventually, in a few months, you can suggest reciprocal days of dog-care again if you think it will benefit you but don't let it be assumed.

Bellamondus · 10/12/2023 20:56

They need to use kennels

bridgetreilly · 10/12/2023 21:29

Rover.com for a dogsitter.

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