AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

[Tengreenbottles2]

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

What about if every child (including SIL's child) gets to open a present in the morning, then all the other presents are opened when everyone's together?

That way they get the immediate enjoyment of something to open in the morning, before the day's activities, then a family celebration later on?

The children can have fun doing things other than just opening presents (eg craft activities, going for a walk or to a playpark, watching Christmas shows) and in doing so they're potentially learning that Christmas is about things other than getting presents, and the value of doing nice things for people you care about?

Right, gotcha. Yeah, I think that’s a good idea, I’ll be suggesting that as a potential solution.

It isn’t going to be a 4pm present opening is it as she arrives then - I don’t see how they will just sit down and open before getting in, using the loo, usual faffing about when you arrive.

I think stocking, one (or two..) presents from under the tree which Father Christmas has left for your little one to open whilst they wait for their cousins. Yes it sounds like a properly difficult day!

Do you have any children in your family? What are they told about Father Christmas in years where you celebrate on the 28th? Do they think Christmas Day is that day, or are they told he got delayed? Also are you French..?

Also I’m confused as to why you think I’m a drama queen when your preferred solution is the one I also said I preferred.. (Deferring the whole thing until the 26th instead of letting the children wake up on the 25th knowing it’s Christmas Day, but not able to open a single present)

This! Please DO NOT do your own kids a disservice by pleasing people. You will regret it.

YANBU. Not read the full thread, but...

They're your children, it's nothing to do with your in-laws as to when they open their presents. Also, you'll all still have presents to open from each other presumably, so there'll still be the gift-opening ambience when SIL arrives.

Can you stay somewhere else, have a leisurely morning, then arrive for lunchtime?

Don't agree with the plan to tell the kids Christmas is the following day... The six-year-olds at least will definitely know when it is!!

The thing is, most six-year-olds at least will be keeping a track of the days so will know exactly when Christmas Day is... I don't think you'd be able to trick them.

jumping in to answer the "what did you tell your kids" when we delayed "christmas" by a day or two:

firstly i never ever let my children believe that the presents were from Father Chrismtas, just that he delivered them (helps that we live far away from most family) and that we and friends/family bought them because we thought the DCs would love them.

And then we said how much we all like opening the things together, and how much daddy loved seeing their faces when they opened the things he'd picked out for them, and how nice it is for them to receive one from us, then give him one from them etc etc

It was never the huge deal some of the pp here are making out it would be (and displaying zero empathy for the SIL who is travelling, and zero imagination about how christmas can be in other situations)

At the end of the day, OP's kids will get more presents in the afternoon when SIL arrives, so they can do that lot then all together!

It's not a dull, lethargic day if you actually like the people you're with. Even as adults.

You asked whether your in-laws' plan sounds like a rubbish Xmas Day. To me it doesn't sound like anything people can't cope with. But it certainly sounds better than going against that plan and insisting your kids have to have the exact Xmas timeline you want, which will only result in a frosty atmosphere (at best) or people kicking off (at worst). Now THAT sounds like a rubbish Xmas Day.

In years to come when your dc are adults you will wonder why the hell you let mil dictate how your dc celebrate Christmas...

It is much easier when you don't do the FC provides everything thing.

We've always had presents under the tree as soon as they are wrapped and ready to go. There are some from GPs there right now. We've always had some that aren't opened on the day if there are other family coming on Boxing Day as we wait till then.

No drama, no magic ruined, no devastated children. We also change how the day runs depending on who we are with. When we are with my parents at their house they are a bit more formal and would never appear unless fully dressed so nothing happens till after breakfast. PIL are more relaxed and we will do some presents in pyjamas first thing, then brunch, then more after lunch.

It's pretty normal to adapt things to wherever you are and makes it much easier than having a rigid routine that you are terrified of breaking in case of it ruining "The Magic".

OK but, again, you’re talking about getting a stocking from Santa in the morning and then delaying the family’s gifts. I have no problem with that, in fact that’s what I will be suggesting we do! They want to have NO GIFTS WHATSOEVER until 4pm, no stocking, no Santa presents, nothing.

I would never in a million years have dreamed that some adults might feel their Christmas had been “shot down in flames” just because a young child opened a few of their presents a few hours earlier than everyone else (possibly in their own room).

This.

yes, as above, some presents Christmas morning, family presents when everyone else does them.
Probably a good idea to spread out rather than open everything
.
I thought most European countries did the "father Christmas" stuff or national equivalent on 24th anyway?

For a friends family it works out well - Polish Christmas on 24th, & with their Mother on 25th, no one feels they're missing out. (except maybe children in the second family, who don't get a second Christmas on 25th, one is starting to get old enough to understand).

well, we had that several years with our DCs and i asked them - off the back of this batshit thread - and they just laughed and said nope.

There's no way the 6 year old wouldn't know the date surely, so I can see why that plan wouldn't work.
A reasonable compromise is to open a few presents in the morning (ones that can be played with during the day) and do the rest when everyone arrives.
Do a fun but easy meal on Christmas day.

well, as I've repeatedly said in this thread, i don't think your in laws are being UR here, but i also don't think it's UR for you to just say that your DC will get a stocking and it would be nice if the cousin who will be there could have one too.

If for no other reason than you give them a game/toy that will occupy them while you have a nice relaxed breakfast.

I did like the PP suggestion of coordinating it with travelling SIL so her child gets something to maybe open on the train. Even at our worst ILs christmas with my batshit horrible MIL (the only one with her, that's when i found out what an ol' cow she was) and we were supposed to wait for golden child to turn up on boxing day - we agreed stockings on 25th. And if she had said no, I'd have politely said "yes, that's what we're doing"

Oh, yes - they 6-yr old with no presents and an 8-hour journey: they're going to be fun on arrival on Xmas Day evening!!

My goodnes, the suggested planning here is immense and in a lot of cases extremely formulaic. I'm just happy my family treated the whole day very casually with the exception of excellent meal planning. They understood there may be discrepancies in arrival times if it was a gathering. As long as everyone arrived before the meal that was fine. Christmas morning was all about the excitement of children and hearing them scream with delight as they opened their presents from santa, often as early as 6am when we dragged ourselves out of bed to join them. I appreciate OP sil has a long train journey. If it was me I'd take great pleasure in watching my child opening santa presents before I left, then opening family presents with cousins at my destination. A lot of the suggested furtive behaviour is unbelievable for a day which to my mind should be spontaneous and fun.

Yes, 19 children (under the age of 18).

They know it's Christmas Day on 25th. We don't lie about it. They also know that Auntie/Uncle/Mum is a doctor and some people work on 25th December.

Santa cones, leaves a stocking and you can open that on 25th. But the presents wait until the family can gather. If everyone was able to make it by 4pm on 25th, we would just wait until 4pm and feel blessed that we were all there together.

I think you're being a drama queen making such a thing about the "magic" of a particular date. Also, it's dramatic in the extreme to think you can't wait until the afternoon to celebrate with family. There's so much else you can do during the day, it's really not such a big deal to wait a few hours.

I think the issue here is the insistence that everybody at PILs spends the whole of Christmas day twiddling their thumbs for most of Christmas day waiting for SIL's family to turn up. I understand the work situation is what it is, but I don't see why everybody can't just have a normal Christmas morning and then have SIL's family join you for whatever stage of Christmas day you are at when she arrives.

Or even better, why don't SIL's family have Christmas day at her house and travel to see you the day after? It simply doesn't work with her work commitments for her to spend Christmas day at her parents, and trying to pack the whole thing into a few hours in the evening is unfair on everyone.

To answer the “what do you tell your kids if you move Christmas to another day” question. I’m a nurse, so I work Christmas every other year (although not always specifically Christmas Day). My children are still young (oldest 5.5, but I had last Christmas off and on maternity this year so my first working Christmas she’ll remember will be next year) so until now I could get away with just changing the days and they were wouldn’t know, but going forward we’ll just have Christmas on whatever day works best for us and they’ll be told it’s because of mummy’s work. I’ve seen people give their kids letters “from Santa” about how because their mummy/daddy is a doctor/nurse/firefighter/police officer/paramedic/etc he will do a special delivery on day x to deliver their presents instead. It seemed like a cute way to do it, so I might do that.

They want to have NO GIFTS WHATSOEVER until 4pm, no stocking, no Santa presents, nothing.

I would just laugh and say 'ah, no, sorry, Christmas morning is a 4 year old waking up excited to open presents and stocking from Santa, so that's what we'll do! Don't worry, we'll keep back friends and family presents for later, and can do Santa presents in the bedroom as usual! Happy Christmas, looking forward to it!'

Right, so once again, they are suggesting NO PRESENTS AT ALL until 4pm. No stocking, no little gift from Santa, no little something to tide them over, nothing. And I want to suggest letting them have one or two presents in the morning - not the whole lot - because, apart from the children’s frustration and impatience, I am struggling to think of how that plan can tie in with my child’s belief in Father Christmas… it’s either “he did come but you can’t touch anything he’s brought you”, or “he hasn’t come yet”…