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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out DS taken out insurance in my name, and defaulting on payment

231 replies

Snowyscapes · 06/12/2023 11:12

DS aged 21, doesn't live at home. He has debt issues through over spending. I paid off significant credit card debt for him earlier this year on the basis he was living back home, earning good wage, and would pay back lump sum each month. He instead moved out, has taken on a high rent flat, and paid nothing back. He has written off 2 cars this year and I presume on his latest car (which he took out on finance in oct) he has been unable to get insurance or it was very high. Anyway, over last week I have had letters from insurance company addressed to me saying I have defaulted on payment. Thought it was their error at first as didn't recognise number plate, but then dawned on me it is his car. I absolutely cannot believe he has done this. Which I presume is fraud. DS appears to be currently going no contact with me, I cannot get hold of him last few weeks. His phone contract is cut as I was paying his bill for 3 years and he wasn't paying me back (he was on good wage no living costs), so I can't phone him. I don't know his new address. Whatsapp messages are being delivered, but unread. Whatsapp calls, some declined or unanswered. I have really good credit rating which I need to maintain. Me knowing he is fraudulently using my name and doing nothing about it could have professional repercussions for me. I wanted to give it a week and tell him unless he cancels the policy immediately that I will phone them myself and tell them. But I can't tell him this if he is not reading messages and just had another default letter through.

If I contact the insurance co and say it is not me, firstly he could be done for fraud, and he could become uninsurable, which would mean no way getting to work and could lose his job. I worry about if this happens him taking his life, which he has never stated to me, or shown indications of, but its something I always worry about as sadly I see it far too regularly through my work.

So if I contact insurer and tell them I know nothing of policy and its not mine
AIBU?

OP posts:
enchantedsquirrelwood · 06/12/2023 15:46

Cyclebabble · 06/12/2023 14:19

Hi OP I am a Senior Manager in an insurance business. At 21 with 2 right-offs behind him few insurance companies would cover him. If he did get cover the premium would be extremely high. What he is engaged in is I am afraid fraud.

If he has a further accident now the insurer will pursue you and given it has sent letters to your home address may look to hold you as culpable for the fraud. This is serious.

Get him to cancel the policy now and settle with the insurer. If he does not contact them yourself. I cannot stress how serious this might become and please think about the people he might hurt when driving effectively uninsired.

The insurers cannot hold the OP culpable for fraud. It is a criminal matter to be dealt with my the courts.

However to avoid unpleasantness and hassle with debt collectors etc, the OP should tell the insurer that she does not have that car, and she has not insured it, and they should be investigating accordingly.

As her son does not live with her and is not in contact, she does not have to say it's him, that's for the insurers to work out.

I am actually a bit surprised that the insurer has done this, I'd have thought they'd simply cancel the policy if the premiums were not paid.

Cyclebabble · 06/12/2023 16:01

enchantedsquirrelwood · 06/12/2023 15:46

The insurers cannot hold the OP culpable for fraud. It is a criminal matter to be dealt with my the courts.

However to avoid unpleasantness and hassle with debt collectors etc, the OP should tell the insurer that she does not have that car, and she has not insured it, and they should be investigating accordingly.

As her son does not live with her and is not in contact, she does not have to say it's him, that's for the insurers to work out.

I am actually a bit surprised that the insurer has done this, I'd have thought they'd simply cancel the policy if the premiums were not paid.

Show quote history

Sorry but if you knowingly allow and your name to be used for an insurance policy where the details are not correctly stated then you have culpability and you need to respond.

Under FCA guidance we need to provide notice before we cancel a policy and we need to offer support to the customer with their premium. Particularly for statutory premiums. We cannot just cancel a policy.

Couldyounot · 06/12/2023 16:04

Pugdays · 06/12/2023 11:49

He's only 21 though,these comments seem very harsh to me
Is there no middle ground of him talking responsibility with out getting in to trouble.

At what age ought he to get in trouble for this sort of thing, though? Looks to me like the OP's son has done plenty of FA and not much FO. Some of the latter is well overdue

MrsMarzetti · 06/12/2023 16:12

Pugdays · 06/12/2023 11:49

He's only 21 though,these comments seem very harsh to me
Is there no middle ground of him talking responsibility with out getting in to trouble.

He is an adult that is choosing to break the law.

Chickenkeev · 06/12/2023 16:13

You really cannot fck about where insurance is concerned. Report him. He needs a good sharp shake at any rate.

TodayInahurry · 06/12/2023 16:16

From the police programs I have seen, the car will come up on their APNR cameras and they can stop him and take the car off him as he is driving uninsured. He could lose his licence and pay a big fine. Don’t bail him out any more!

RudsyFarmer · 06/12/2023 16:19

What’s the alternative?

pontipinemum · 06/12/2023 16:21

user1497207191 · 06/12/2023 15:14

I think you quoted the wrong user name, assuming you were replying to me, no, sadly very little contact with the grandchildren. Their respective mothers are, rightly, totally pissed off by my nephew's behaviour, so sister is regarded as guilt by association, especially since she keeps bailing him out to facilitate his shitty behaviour. She does try and there is a small amount of contact via very strained relationships with the mothers, but only really birthdays and Xmas. Shame really as she's respectable, with a full time job, and would be happy to help with childcare, etc., Her other child, our niece, is the complete opposite to our nephew, she was "mature" for her age when she left school, got proper qualifications and a profession, got a steady boyfriend, just bought their first house together, etc. Sister's kids really couldn't be any more different. Nephew is nothing but a vile, arrogant, thug.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes sorry I did mean to quote you. At least she has a little bit of contact. My dad left my mam when I was very small for another woman 🙄she already had a child he was happy to play dad to her child for a few years and have a few more before fecking off again. So I found out many many years later

His parents swore blind to my mam that they were going to keep in contact. Not a single card ever.

That's good your niece is a sensible! It's mad how people from the same household can grow up to be such different people

wronginalltherightways · 06/12/2023 16:26

You need to report it to the insurance company and follow their advice. You can't let him destroy your own insurance history/credit history going forward as it can have dramatic consequences, as you know.

He can't have it both ways: blank you AND put things fraudulently in your name so he can continue driving unlawfully. And it is unlawful (and invalid) as the insurance was obtained fraudulently.

comingintomyown · 06/12/2023 16:26

I’m sorry you are in this situation, I would be very conflicted as well and deeply reluctant to report it but actually I don’t think you have a choice here.

When we have children we don’t imagine at 21 there would still be so many ups and downs do we 💐

FairFuming · 06/12/2023 16:37

What an awful position to be in. I hope you can get it sorted out

ConsistentlyElectrifiedElves · 06/12/2023 16:37

Cyclebabble · 06/12/2023 16:01

Sorry but if you knowingly allow and your name to be used for an insurance policy where the details are not correctly stated then you have culpability and you need to respond.

Under FCA guidance we need to provide notice before we cancel a policy and we need to offer support to the customer with their premium. Particularly for statutory premiums. We cannot just cancel a policy.

Show quote history

I agree with you Cyclebabble. The point at which OP becomes open to culpability came when the mail arrived to let her know about the non-payments.

Before then, she was totally unaware of it. They may have claimed OP was culpable for fraud but if the insurance company is unable to prove that they had ever corresponded directly with OP until that point,

That is the problem with these online policies nowadays. I have one too and nothing comes in the post. OP's son has either used his own email address for this, or has set up a dummy email account in his mum's name.

OP, it's worth doing a free credit score check on yourself to make sure there's nothing else that he's taken out in your own name.

Ultimately, now OP is aware, she has to inform the insurance company for all the reasons she listed in her OP - while she can love her son, she also has to protect herself, her own credit and her own professional reputation.

@Snowyscapes - I know you feel bad for having to report your son, but don't forget - it's him that started this ball rolling, not you. He may lash out and blame you, but ultimately he's got himself in to this mess.

All you can do is say you'll be there to support him (not financially!), but he needs some serious financial help and possibly mental health support also, if the spending is a compulsion.

Good luck!

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 06/12/2023 16:39

I thought technically these days it wasn’t allowed to do that with insurance.
Like the main driver has to be the one with the insurance.
In which case either he gets done for fraud or you get done - and now you know and haven’t done anything.

If you really can’t contact them - I think you have no choice at all but to report to insurance as not yours and not your policy.

GrumpyandSleepy · 06/12/2023 16:41

Time for tough love. Contact the insurers.

Mynewnameis · 06/12/2023 17:05

Get a premium experian account it will show all the insurance searches and you can apply a credit lock. So no further credit can be taken out in your name whilst locked

XmasTreeBiscuit429 · 06/12/2023 17:09

"Only 21"

I thought that 18 was considered to be an adult ?

Kissmystarfish · 06/12/2023 17:10

@Pugdays you can get done in a criminal court at the age of 10….

I think he’s had a few chances by the time he’s 21!

Redebs · 06/12/2023 17:11

@Snowyscapes hope you're ok 👍

BlueGrey1 · 06/12/2023 17:17

This is a difficult situation, you need to get his father heavily involved in this aswell, he HAS to support you on this, he is his son aswell.
If he tries to blame you for cancelling his insurance, his father needs to step in and say he fully supported you in that decision

ChanelNo19EDT · 06/12/2023 17:22

You have all of my sympathies. I'm not typing this from my ivory tower here, I had to call the gardai when my son was threatening me. I am learning that the 'nicer' i was the less he respected me. IN your shoes I would contact the insurance company. You're the adult, you're the one who's worked your adult life to build up savings, insurance records, credit ratings et cetera. I 'm not saying I wouldn't feel CONFLICTED because I would, I know I would but ............ make the decision to put your own interests first. You're not the one creating these messes that hurt him. You're merely not absorbing his messes anymore. Won't go in to it but I had to make that very tough decision myself. Overall I feel relief.

ChanelNo19EDT · 06/12/2023 17:28

Lazydomestic · 06/12/2023 13:47

Have you checked the letter isn’t a scam ?? Have had emails like this which have ignored as clearly are.
DO NOT call the telephone number on the letter - make sure you get the insurers number from their website.

the registration is her son's

Original poster
Snowyscapes · 06/12/2023 17:35

ChanelNo19EDT · 06/12/2023 17:22

You have all of my sympathies. I'm not typing this from my ivory tower here, I had to call the gardai when my son was threatening me. I am learning that the 'nicer' i was the less he respected me. IN your shoes I would contact the insurance company. You're the adult, you're the one who's worked your adult life to build up savings, insurance records, credit ratings et cetera. I 'm not saying I wouldn't feel CONFLICTED because I would, I know I would but ............ make the decision to put your own interests first. You're not the one creating these messes that hurt him. You're merely not absorbing his messes anymore. Won't go in to it but I had to make that very tough decision myself. Overall I feel relief.

Thanks for sharing. It makes me feel less alone. I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone IRL.

Update: I couldn't get through via phone and after 30mins was cut off so am currently 40mins into the chat and they are completing a fraud form :( Apparently fraud team will contact me tomorrow

OP posts:
Neriah · 06/12/2023 17:38

Pugdays · 06/12/2023 11:49

He's only 21 though,these comments seem very harsh to me
Is there no middle ground of him talking responsibility with out getting in to trouble.

My husband was killed by a 22 year old uninsured drunk driver with previous convictions. Which "middle ground" would you like to suggest? If he is old enough to drive then he is old enough to take responsibility for his actions. Better that he has to face the consequences of what he has done so far than let him continue until someone else pays the consequences.

Chickenkeev · 06/12/2023 17:42

Neriah · 06/12/2023 17:38

My husband was killed by a 22 year old uninsured drunk driver with previous convictions. Which "middle ground" would you like to suggest? If he is old enough to drive then he is old enough to take responsibility for his actions. Better that he has to face the consequences of what he has done so far than let him continue until someone else pays the consequences.

Show quote history

This. There really is no middle ground here. This stuff literally destroys lives. 'Only 21' my arse ffs.

RedToothBrush · 06/12/2023 17:47

Say you don't tell the insurers. What happens?

He gets into alsorts of trouble, does it again. It all comes back on you. It then comes out that you covered for him.

Both your lives go to shit. You both end up in a right mess.

Or you tell the truth. He get punished and he ends up a mess. But you are protected and potentially can help him in future - if he wants help. If he doesn't want help thats down to him, you can't make him.

You don't have much of a choice here as far as I can see. He's taken a criminal action and you either enable, facilitate and break the law yourself or you report his actions. You aren't lying. He made a choice and he chose to screw you over.