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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A Friends request

66 replies

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 05:04

Every year my friend (W) who lives around the corner from me has asked me to feed her animals while she has been away - actually she has asked regularly as they go away alot. I don't mind as its just around the corner and pretty much on my way. Over Christmas they are going away for 6 weeks and initially asked myself and my other friend (B) if we didn't mind feeding the animals while they are away. Between the 2 of us we said that it was fine. This friend said that we should also feel free to make use of the pool and spa. Other friend asked if its just me and her doing this and W said yes. B said good cos she feels a bit awkward coming to use the pool and someone is already there. W said that she would just keep it to me and B. The last week I get a group message with 6 others asking us to fill in a spreadsheet of when we can help feed the animals. I PM her and ask what happened to just me and B helping out. W said " I have had other offers and want to spread the love and the eggs ( she has chickens). I just said ok what ever works for you is fine. I am annoyed because B and I were fine with doing it between the 2 of us and I feel like my offer has been rejected, also I can't be arsed filling in a group spreadsheet of the days I want to help when I offered for the whole 5 weeks and B the times when I can't do it. So I haven't filled in the spreadsheet. She since then messaged and said that she is going to the pub for dinner as a casual last hurrah before they leave and it would be nice if I could join for a drink or two.... I had already told her previously I was out Sat ( although don't expect her to remember) but I am thinking you are going out for dinner but just asking me to join for a drink ( lol) Any way I reminded her I was out and then she followed this up by telling me there are still 2 days available for me to help with the animals and the house!!!! AVAILABLE?? like she is doing me a favour! For me its like Me and B's offer wasn't suitable or she wanted back up who knows but am I being unreasonable thinking this is NOT the way to go about it and she has definately put my back up

OP posts:

OrigamiOwl · 06/12/2023 09:53

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/12/2023 05:45

Going against the flow, but I'd be annoyed too. She was specifically asked if it was just the two of you because otherwise you'd feel uncomfortable using the pool and spa and she confirmed you were. 'Sharing the love and eggs..."yeah right. It's a recipe for disaster, stay well away. Someone is bound to message others "Oh I can't do today, could someone please take care of it for me?" On repeat!

"Oh don't worry about me. You seem to have plenty of others who are very keen so I'll leave it to them to partake in the love and eggs! Have a great time and I'll see you when you get back."

I agree with this. She's asked a massive favour, then chances the terms. I think she thinks she's doing your a favour with the offer of the pool and spa.

I'd said her a breezy message like the above.

ActDottie · 06/12/2023 10:03

She could’ve communicated the change better but tbh 6 weeks is a long time to look after animals and I’d be glad that others were helping too.

Nazzywish · 06/12/2023 10:18

I think she's actually tried to be more considerate towards you two. She's recognised 5 weeks favour is alot and has tried to share the load amongst those who are willing to in a practical and sensible way. What's wrong with a spreadsheet?! It avoids a hundred different texts and calls trying to coordinate all your calenders and makes total sense!

Marionberry · 06/12/2023 10:53

My friend works as a professional house sitter but this is in France, she is retired so just does this as and when and does stay in some lovely houses with pools but they pay her.

I would be worried if I didn’t know the other people that if something goes wrong, gets broken etc then who is responsible. So whilst spreading the love and eggs seems like a good idea the other people could be idiots. Leave the chicken coup unlocked, break a vase, leave the pool dirty.

DH family had a home with a few acres that had been in the family for a few generations. It was sadly sold a few years ago but was used by all branches as a holiday retreat. One year it was agreed that a friend of an Aunt could use it, well that was a disaster. As soon as the numbers rise the ratio of idiots to acceptable people will likely rise.

AllAroundMyCat · 06/12/2023 12:08

Sorry if I'm be misread but is your friend wanting rent from you all to use her facilities?

rookiemere · 06/12/2023 15:27

I can't believe she wanted to charge people to stay in her house !

I'd stay well out of it, that many people something is bound to go wrong and she seems exactly the type to kick up a big fuss.

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 06/12/2023 15:35

It sounds (from her point of view) that it’s more about “aren’t I being good offering the use of the facilities” rather than about feeding the pets. She’s lining you all up (spreadsheet) to show off her home. Course the animals need feeding but to use the word “available” or whatever smacks of “look at me, aren’t I good”

Wavyline · 06/12/2023 15:43

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Apart from the fact that it's better for the animals, particularly the cats, if they don't get a parade of different people going in... what if something gets broken or goes missing? If the pool maintenance isn't done properly? You've got a group of randoms you've never met playing blame games with you.

You and your mate offered to do cover the whole holiday and it was accepted. If she thought it would be helpful for more people to get involved she should have asked you two if it would be.

LaurieStrode · 06/12/2023 16:00

She needs to hire a pet sitter.
Sending round a spreadsheet takes a hell of a lot of nerve.

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 07/12/2023 01:12

Wavyline · 06/12/2023 15:43

to Clarify, she initially wanted someone in the full time and pay rent. Then realised that because of insurance and the pets etc it wouldn't work. She has people in there up until New Years so thats 2 weeks sorted. The Cover will just be for the whole of January, which was perfectly doable between me and B. Also seeing as though she only needed us every second day. Anyway its her problem - I offered as she seemed genuinely stuck at the time and It really wasn't an issue as I walk past her house everyday. My DH keeps asking why I offer as I don't particularly get thanked either ( which is not really about the thanks) but my circle is small and I like to help out where I can. I have offered back up if no one can do their day, in the end its up to her, her house, her animals her pool...

OP posts:

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 07/12/2023 01:15

Didimum · 06/12/2023 07:15

I think you’re overreacting. You sound possessive over the ‘job’. Her asking you to the pub for a drink is just how people phrase an invite when they know you might be busy. The phrase ‘available’ also just sounds like a throwaway descriptor. You said you would help and then didn’t fill out the sheet – I doubt you told her you wouldn’t fill it in or that you wouldn’t be helping anymore, and she’s not a mind reader. You sound like anything she does will annoy you at this point, and it’s unwarranted.

I didn't tell her I wouldn't fill it in - thats petty, I actually didn't fill it in because I needed to download google sheets on the phone and it was an effort - it was put aside because my real work was a priority, it was the way she did it more than anything

OP posts:

ZekeZeke · 07/12/2023 07:16

Offering to be back up is the worst possible job.

Tallerandtall · 07/12/2023 07:22

@BullAndDoring

if her priority was her so called pets ( must be more than chickens) welfare she would not go away a lot and defo not for 6 weeks.

she sounds rather wealthy and self centred to be frank.

maybejustonemoretime · 07/12/2023 08:55

Out of interest what exactly does this spa facility entail ?
She is a huge CF expecting people to pay her for the privilege of feeding her pets and staying in her house, also I'd be wary of anyone putting their dog in kennels for 6 weeks (when they could afford other options) that's just sad so I'd be giving her a wide birth just based on those facts.

wwyd2021medicine · 07/12/2023 09:02

ChocolateCinderToffee · 06/12/2023 07:22

I wouldn’t want to get involved when there are so many people helping out. Someone is going to lose a chicken or forget to turn up.

This
I would be a no from me. Having 2 friends share responsibility is fine.
A whole load of different folks with access to an empty house for 6 weeks is a recipe for disaster. Not sure what their house insurance would make of it either.

Dunmuin · 07/12/2023 09:20

We have pets and a swimming pool (no spa or eggs, though!).

When we go away, we hire a petsitter - they don't stay in the house, but they do have use of the pool. We pay them and they tend to reduce their normal rate a bit (their suggestion) because of the use of the pool.

I've looked into getting a live-in housesitter/petsitter for holidays, and can confirm that you absolutely need to pay the sitter. They do not pay you! Your friend is sounding pretty cheeky.

I'm also surprised that your friend would leave pets for 6 weeks at a time. I wouldn't do that, personally.

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