Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

A Friends request

66 replies

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 05:04

Every year my friend (W) who lives around the corner from me has asked me to feed her animals while she has been away - actually she has asked regularly as they go away alot. I don't mind as its just around the corner and pretty much on my way. Over Christmas they are going away for 6 weeks and initially asked myself and my other friend (B) if we didn't mind feeding the animals while they are away. Between the 2 of us we said that it was fine. This friend said that we should also feel free to make use of the pool and spa. Other friend asked if its just me and her doing this and W said yes. B said good cos she feels a bit awkward coming to use the pool and someone is already there. W said that she would just keep it to me and B. The last week I get a group message with 6 others asking us to fill in a spreadsheet of when we can help feed the animals. I PM her and ask what happened to just me and B helping out. W said " I have had other offers and want to spread the love and the eggs ( she has chickens). I just said ok what ever works for you is fine. I am annoyed because B and I were fine with doing it between the 2 of us and I feel like my offer has been rejected, also I can't be arsed filling in a group spreadsheet of the days I want to help when I offered for the whole 5 weeks and B the times when I can't do it. So I haven't filled in the spreadsheet. She since then messaged and said that she is going to the pub for dinner as a casual last hurrah before they leave and it would be nice if I could join for a drink or two.... I had already told her previously I was out Sat ( although don't expect her to remember) but I am thinking you are going out for dinner but just asking me to join for a drink ( lol) Any way I reminded her I was out and then she followed this up by telling me there are still 2 days available for me to help with the animals and the house!!!! AVAILABLE?? like she is doing me a favour! For me its like Me and B's offer wasn't suitable or she wanted back up who knows but am I being unreasonable thinking this is NOT the way to go about it and she has definately put my back up

OP posts:

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:09

No not reverse, she doesn’t reciprocate but I also don’t ask as my neighbour is more reliable when we go away

OP posts:

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:12

It’s ok, tbh in the past we have really only used the pool once or twice but cleaned it more often.

OP posts:

ohdamnitjanet · 06/12/2023 07:13

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:05

That was an option but she wanted someone in the house to look after her pets and pay her for the use of the house

What? I’m with you @Notastayathomemum , she sounds horribly entitled and I’d leave everyone else to it. What’s the point in having all those animals and being away all the time anyway - then expecting free help. Fuck that.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 06/12/2023 07:13

'Those dates might be available, but I'm not. Enjoy your holiday and shove your spreadsheet up your hoop'

Didimum · 06/12/2023 07:15

I think you’re overreacting. You sound possessive over the ‘job’. Her asking you to the pub for a drink is just how people phrase an invite when they know you might be busy. The phrase ‘available’ also just sounds like a throwaway descriptor. You said you would help and then didn’t fill out the sheet – I doubt you told her you wouldn’t fill it in or that you wouldn’t be helping anymore, and she’s not a mind reader. You sound like anything she does will annoy you at this point, and it’s unwarranted.

DoubleTime · 06/12/2023 07:15

I would be wary of getting involved due to the potential for the plans to go awry - people cancelling last minute, not showing up when they are meant to, and the concern that if any one misuses the property then OP could be blamed. Its a lot different from what was initially agreed - taking on the responsibility with one other person that OP knows.

I would also have been irritated by the message 'there are still 2 days available for me to help with the animals and the house' - makes it obvious what the drink invite was really about and if this was a clumsy attempt to address the fact that she realised OP hadn't participated in the spreadsheet because she was feeling put out, then she really should have spoken with OP about it. Its the least she could do after OP has helped her out so many times in the past.

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:17

Such strong feelings for 2 people you don’t know!

OP posts:

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:18

Thanks! Yep that’s my thinking

OP posts:

DimOGwbl · 06/12/2023 07:19

She wants people to PAY for the use of the house?
No thanks. CF.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 06/12/2023 07:22

I wouldn’t want to get involved when there are so many people helping out. Someone is going to lose a chicken or forget to turn up.

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:24

Massive overreaction?? lol I haven’t reacted massively or reacted at all, I’m slightly annoyed and asked a bunch of people unrelated if they would be too? I just haven’t filled in the bloody spreadsheet! It’s clunky and I have been bloody busy and it’s a low priority when I have already told her when I can help. I’m ok with her getting others in too. She should have filled in the spreadsheet herself and said these are the days you have all said you can help can you check I have fill got this correct? ( we all had told her the days we could help in the chat) instead of working it out herself she sent an empty spreadsheet.

OP posts:

ZekeZeke · 06/12/2023 07:26

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/12/2023 05:45

Going against the flow, but I'd be annoyed too. She was specifically asked if it was just the two of you because otherwise you'd feel uncomfortable using the pool and spa and she confirmed you were. 'Sharing the love and eggs..."yeah right. It's a recipe for disaster, stay well away. Someone is bound to message others "Oh I can't do today, could someone please take care of it for me?" On repeat!

"Oh don't worry about me. You seem to have plenty of others who are very keen so I'll leave it to them to partake in the love and eggs! Have a great time and I'll see you when you get back."

I would feel the same.
Also, every Tom, Dick and Harry using the facilities is a recipe for disaster, guaranteed. People won't clean up after themselves, will have different standards-stay well away!

stayathomer · 06/12/2023 07:29

She thinks the pool, spa and eggs trumps you feeding the animals and that she is doing you a favour. A bit mad really!!!

icelollycraving · 06/12/2023 07:35

She wants you to pay?!

GreatGateauxsby · 06/12/2023 07:38

BullAndDoring · 06/12/2023 05:12

She's going away for 6 weeks - that's a big time commitment to ask of 2 people - what if one person becomes poorly and cannot help out? That leaves the other person with much of the burdon. Much better to have a rota among a larger group over such a long period in my opinion.
Her priority is her pets welfare.

If her priority was her pets welfare she'd get a reliable sitter and pay them for it.

Given she has a spa and pool we can assume she's good for a few hundred...

I think she was purposely opaque and mislead the OP who does a very generous and helpful thing for her so she can bigger off gallivanting without a care.

OP, sod the drink(s)
I would go for a text along the lines of "oh no! don't worry about me, I look after them so often anyway so am not missing out at.all. I'll let someone else enjoy the love and eggs (you are lucky to have so many enthusiastic volunteers!). Enjoy the long trip - hope it's fabulous!"

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:41

Yes!! This ! Thanks for understanding.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:45

Originally she wanted a house sitter, asked my daughter who did it last year but my DD said she doesn’t want to / can’t and the pets are a pain (lol) so W decided to offload the dog to a kennel and leave the two cats and chickens to be looked after. Realised that no one wanted to pay rent for the time …

OP posts:

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 06/12/2023 07:47

I don't really understand your reaction tbh.

Either you think you're doing her a favour, in which case, you're now mostly off the hook, so that's good, isn't it? Because there is less for you to do?

Or you originally agreed to do it because of the perks involved in using the pool and spa, and you're now annoyed by the fact that you and B won't have exclusive use of those facilities.

Six weeks is a significant commitment so if this was just about doing her a favour, most people would be relieved to be able to share the burden. But your friend has people queuing up to help, so she has sussed the fact that people see it as an attractive proposition. I reckon her use of the term "available" is probably about right.

If you don't want to help on the basis of being one of many, just say that you're unable to cover the days in question.

LAMPS1 · 06/12/2023 08:15

If they were my pets that I were leaving for six weeks, I would much rather have two committed, responsible and familiar friends caring for them, friends who know the pets well by now, rather than eight, six of whom might just be in it for pool time and free eggs, and maybe don’t really know one end of a cat from another.
I think she must be feeling guilty about using you all the time and tried to spread the load but I think she has gone about the whole thing the wrong way and made it far too complicated. It could easily be detrimental to the pets. In my opinion, she hasn’t put the animals first.
Yes, I too, would also find the ‘available’ comment unthinking and inappropriate and a bit entitled.
Best to stay well clear of the spread sheet. Sharing the responsibility of the animals welfare with one other volunteer person you can trust is very different to sharing responsibility with six others you don’t know.
YANBU.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 06/12/2023 08:24

Just txt and say to her to fill the lovely animal caring availability to the Other lucky helpers.

Yes just say hey w just cover the other two days with someone else glad you have loads of extra helpers this time .
Enjoy your trip 😊

She sounds very entitled .

IthinkIamAnAlien · 06/12/2023 08:32

Unexpected things do happen with animals, a past cat limped home with a serious injury on day one of our holiday. Noble friend had to take him to the vet for treatment every day. If her set up goes wrong, who will be responsible, I'd stay politely well clear. It's quite careless about the animals too. They will notice and perhaps be disturbed by her absence.

Tbh, she reminds me of someone I know who is quite self centred and a bit of a user. I used to look after her dog when we were neighbours, over a number of years the number of animals increased. I still didn't mind until I was introduced at one of her parties as the dog sitter. I found out at the same party that she was keeping a book of exchanges with her newly acquired cleaner as a memento! Talk about Downton Abbey!

TalkSomeSense1 · 06/12/2023 08:48

Six weeks when you have animals is a ridiculously long time - and a huge ask - to expect people to look after everything. There are people who will happily house sit for nothing more than the use of the house. We do it. It's so much less stress than expecting friends and neighbours to step up.

rumred · 06/12/2023 08:55

A wealthy entitled cf by the sounds of it. No wonder you're miffed. I wouldn't want to help out all considered

LookItsMeAgain · 06/12/2023 09:43

If I were you, I'd have a chat with B and find out if they still want to look after the animals and have access to the pool and spa (if they still want to use both knowing that others could/would be there)

I'd have to reply with something like this:
"Hi CF Friend,
I have had a chat with B and we've both decided to turn down the generous offer of working and looking after your animals for you while you're away for 6 weeks. Neither of us objected to sharing the work equally between us but now that you have more people looking to help you, we can back out, knowing that you have plenty of people to work for you over the 6 weeks. Have a wonderful trip knowing that your animals are being well looked after by the countless volunteers you have managed to get lined up. Happy Christmas!"

(adjust the above if it is only you that is backing out but if you back out would B back out too do you think?).

Rainbow1901 · 06/12/2023 09:49

Can you imagine potentially 8 people having a key to your house? Doesn't bear thinking about.
I can see the reasoning behind it but also understand OPs position on it. But that many people on a rota might encourage one or two volunteers to not turn up on their day thinking the animals would be okay as someone is going in tomorrow!!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread