To think children should have their mothers surname

[Laurendelaney1987]

if the parents are not married. You did the hard work! Why the fuck should the child carry his name?

Dh wanted us to have a different surname when we got married, he was quite young at the time and his dad completely lost his shit…so we didn’t

@Achildbelongstoitsmother - argh yes of course men devising something to protect women and girls. But what and who are we being protected from? argh yes that's right - men!

Our child has both our surnames.

Seemed fair to me. We’re both his parents equally.

Was it men, or did women gather together and say "No sex without lifetime commitment to providing, for and protecting the family." Or did the societies without something marriage just die off because the kids just died so marriage evolved?

I'm really not convinced marriage is for men's benefit at all, I think men would like to be able to shag at will and have the option to walk off whenever they felt like it.

By @GreenIsMyFavoriteColour we are not talking about marriage we are talking about surnames. Look at the instances where men don't like it if a woman suggests a discussion about names and the man and sometime in laws get annoyed. There is a current thread where the father broke into the mother's blue and threaten to take the baby. Even where there is no marriage it's expected the child will have the father's name.

Often it's about control.

Single mother yes the same name, if the father is living with their child then it should be their name. Really it's better for everyone to be married before you have children for many reasons.

@DragonFly98

Single mother yes the same name, if the father is living with their child then it should be their name.

And if the father moves out?

Irrationally annoys me when the men want their kids to have their name as “it’s tradition innit” well if you were that traditional mate you’d have got married. Smacks of cherry picking the best bits of everything for yourself if you want your children to have your name get married and properly commit to the family.

It really does. And so often comes up on here when some poster has been strung along. A bloke who's happy with sex outside marriage, wants to enjoy the benefits of two incomes and DC, but all of a sudden becomes a staunch traditionalist when the concept of a legal contract is raised.

But why do married couples have to have the man's name? The mother, father and baby could have the woman's name.

And a man can still 'properly commit' and get married without insisting that everyone has his surname. After all , woman manage it!

As an unmarried mother (living with their DF at the time) I gave both DCs my own surname. I wanted my DC to have my name and exDP left the decision to me. It was never an issue.

I’m not sure that’s right.

Google suggests that the (unpleasant) origins of wives taking husbands’ surnames - because the wives had no legal standing outside the marriage - goes back to the ninth century in the common law.

That’s not an argument for continuing the practice. But it is ancient.

Which tends to mean that the mother’s name will be a father’s name passed down anyway. 🤷‍♀️

Single mother yes the same name, if the father is living with their child then it should be their name.

Why?

If the mother is living with their child too, why not their name?

They don't "have" to have the man's name. A large percentage of women want to.

You can not like that as much as you want; it doesn't change the fact that it's true.

My maiden name was unsayable and unspellable. I was so glad to get shot of it and trade it for DHs nice, boring name.

I also would never have saddled my kids with my difficult surname. It was such a PITA for the first 27 years of my life.

Mine have both.

"My maiden name was unsayable and unspellable. I was so glad to get shot of it and trade it for DHs nice, boring name."
🤣Ah yes, those pesky "women's last names"

@DragonFly98 "if the father is living with their child then it should be their name."

Why?

There's nothing like the subject of surnames to make women on mumsnet get bitchy about each other

There's nothing like the subject of surnames to make women on mumsnet get bitchy about each other

This is a really good point here.

Some women love awarding themselves the status of 'superior feminist' by casually announcing that 'it never occurred to me to change my name'

You can feel the smug satisfaction oozing out of the post; it really isn't the killing blow they think it is.

Being a feminist does not mean agreeing with all other women's choices.

Or it genuinely didn't occur to them. What's wrong with that?

I'm not sure what you're getting at? I did find it pretty pesky! If my last name had been Smith I probably wouldn't have changed it, or would at least have gone double barreled. My surname was even a weird one in it's original language - when the native speakers struggle with it, the Brits don't stand a chance...

@BANANABANANABANANABANANA Apparently I'm not allowed to find my own surname annoying. Bad feminist over here 😂