To think children should have their mothers surname

[Laurendelaney1987]

if the parents are not married. You did the hard work! Why the fuck should the child carry his name?

It's easier to drop one later.

Because I personally find the hyphen ugly/ tacky. Just a personal taste thing.

Umm. This is such a stupid point to make. My name has been my name from birth, my whole life. It’s what people have also called me. It’s my identity. Yes it’s also my father’s name, but I still consider it to be mine. Do you think that all women are just nameless people walking around with either their father or husband’s names? So misogynistic. 😡. Is my dad’s name even his name? Or is actually just the name of my granddad? And so on,

This is also true

It sounds like this is how it is in some other cultures and I’m guessing how things might pan out more here too? Then the next generation can just pick one of the two names from mums side and one from dads side whichever they like the sound of best 💁🏼‍♀️

I know. I honestly don't understand the thought process when anyone makes this argument. If anything it proves the opposite.

This is a reason why we hyphenated DC's name. We wanted to make it very clear that he has two last names and it isn't optional for other people to just drop one.

Of course, if he wants to drop one for whatever reason when he's an adult, that's fine.

For all those who hyphenate ,what's going to happen in the future when when Miss Smith- Jones, meets Mr Thomson- Robinson? Things could get very complicated😂

I disagree I dont think it should be automatic that the child gets 1 parents surname due to their sex.

What I would like to see made easier is a parent whose child doesn't have their surname can have it double barrlled without the other parents right to refuse.

So if a child has parents
A Smith
B Jones.
And the child is named C Smith then later on B Jones can get their Jones added without Smith can refuse this. Making the child C Jones-Smith.

Also what will you do for children born to same sex parents?

They can hyphenate one name from each parent's last name? Not that complicated 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or they could do what some couples do and choose an entirely new last name to share.

Not really. They just make a decision like anyone else would.

Keep their names
Use one name each
Go with some completely different.

No big deal.

How immensely perceptive of you to have identified this problem, which has never cropped up in a surname thread before!

I have no doubt that my Dc and their partners, and their children and their children will just keep combining names until they have 432 surnames.

I've often wondered this. I honestly can't think of any child who's parents are not married that have their mother's surname. Very odd.

If you had my surname you'd be singing a different tune.

Since reading this thread I've realized we missed a trick not going with Saxe-Coburg-Gotha for ours. 😭

I was glad to take my DH surname when we got married (much nicer than mine) So my kids do have my surname, which is the same as their dad's.
If you're not married, call them whatever surname you want. I doubt anybody else cares these days.

100% agree! My maiden name was the butt of jokes for years (pun intended!) I was glad to get rid of it and wouldn't have inflicted it on my kids 😅

My partner is a brilliant dad so I dont mind my little one having her dads name. Also I chose her first and middle names so he should have the surname.

I agree with you op…..
except in my own situation.
my father was mentally abusive, I haven’t seen him for half of my life except for his dads funeral. The sooner I ditch my surname and get married the better. No way would I curse any child of mine with my surname.

however, if I had had a wonderful childhood and grew up with a relationship with my dad, me and dp would have had quite a conversation!

My sons have my surname. At the time I didn’t think it mattered much either way, and was open to my Ex giving his surname. I put my hat in the ring and said I’d like them to have my surname also, but wouldn’t mind if Ex was really very adamant about it.

I think this is weirdly where most women don’t even put it forward, that their surname is as important. Perhaps because most women change their surname in marriage, which then follows automatically really that the kids will have the father’s surname also.

However now, I really see that names are a real symbol and quite powerful.

That my sons have my surname is something I am now very proud of. And I think my sons are also. Like most women, I have been absolutely the most involved person in their care and upbringing. I cared for them when they were sick, bailed them out with money when they needed it as a young adult. I am the main parent and the thought that they would instead carry the name of the parent who really did sweet FA for much of their lives…

So I’m really glad that I did at least not just be subservient and acquiesce to my Ex.

I gave my son my surname at birth as me and my (abusive) ex broke up when I was pregnant. He took me to court and caused more of a fuss over changing the last name than custody and the courts agreed with him. Despite only having our child 3 days a month and never taking him anywhere that involves using the name (school, drs etc) our child’s last name had to be changed. So he’s got a double barrelled last name. I tried to fight it and say that when our child is old enough to decide, he has the option but courts forced the name changed. It’s sad because if our child had his dad’s last name and I wanted to change it to my last name or even double barrelled - the courts would definitely refuse. So why is it ok the other way around?

That's strange, @glossypeach. Pretty sure that's not how the law works.....I wonder if you got bad advice?

When I was married my husband changed his name. No way was I giving up mine for a stupid out of date patriarchal tradition. When we divorced he changed his back, so there’s always choice. When I had a child of course he had my name. If he gets married he’s not averse to changing his. Or, we could all just keep our names, partners don’t HAVE to have the same.

Perhaps the Patriarchy devised the model of marriage it did to protect women and children.