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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend ( a teacher) may be disciplined for telling parents one of her pupils took a pregnancy test?

506 replies

NiceTry · 13/03/2008 22:04

The girl had confided in her and the test was arranged, via school nurse but my colleague decided that the girl's parents should be informed and may now face disciplinary procedures because the girl had not consented to this (the test was negative by the way). Obviously the girl (and parents) are very upset. But did she do the right thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 17:26

I am annoyed because she may face disciplinary procedures for what she did I am not annoyed because of what she did. The most she will get for this is a warning, she will not lose her job.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/03/2008 17:29

well, i guess lessons learnt all round

she broke the rules, she will get a warning, the girl might never confide in anyone again, and everyone's a winner

it is the same in every job surely? you go against policy, knowingly and wiht total awareness, you take the flak that comes with it.

am still wondering why she felt the girl was at risks of harm when the CPO didn;t?

Ineedacleaner · 14/03/2008 17:42

You said nicetry that you don't know why the colleague thought she was at risk to the point she went against the CPO advice and told anyway do you think there is something she isn't telling you about the situation???

I mean if the 14 year old girl had said the man she had sex with was a drug dealing pimp who wanted to sell her to a brothel then yes I can see her point BUT if this is the whole story 14 year old girl having sex with her probably smilarly aged boyf. then she was totally in the wrong.

The school nurse, you have already said, will only disclose a positive result does that not tell you something also??? What on earth good does it do to tell the parents that she had a pg scare??? Apart from clearing her own concience, if she didn't feel she could offer a non judmental ear to the girl she should have asked her to talk to someone else.

Moorhen · 14/03/2008 17:43

Equating mothers standng up for a young girl's right to privacy to Nazis.

Classy, Nicetry.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/03/2008 17:44

parp

Unfitmother · 14/03/2008 17:50

NO!

She did not do the right thing, how many times do people need to say it!

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 17:54

Ineedacleaner - of course there is something she is not telling me, all this is on a strictly need to know basis (and as her union rep I do not need to know all the details) however she did know all the details, as did the sn and cp officer and she felt (alone) that the child was at risk of significant harm.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 14/03/2008 17:55

nicetry- clearly you are deaf to the crescendo of no and all the valid acompanying reasons.o think for you this us a head sand moment

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 17:57

In your opinion 'Unfitmother' good name by the way

OP posts:
Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 17:58

I have known our CP officer not to report incidents of domestic violence to SS, so not sure whether I trust her judgement that this was not a child protection issue.

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Unfitmother · 14/03/2008 17:59

Nice try - but pretty childish.

"The SN and Child Protection Officer did not feel it was a child protection issue but my colleague disagreed with this."

Because she has had a lot more training than them and knows all about everything?

Reallytired · 14/03/2008 18:01

NiceTry,

Your friend deserves to be sacked. Frankly she will be lucky if she is ever allowed to work in a school again. My guess is the most likely outcome is that your friend will be struck off the general teaching register for a period of a few months.

There are clear and well thought out rules. As a professional your friend should be aware of them. Me, in my lowly support staff role has been told what to do if a child tells you they are pregnant.

  1. Never agree to keep confidence of a child. If a child asks you to keep a secret make it clear that school policy means that you might not be allowed to keep the confidence of the child.

  2. The teacher should have informed the person in charge of child protection. The child protection officer would have arranged for the child to have a pregnancy test and would involve social workers if appriopate.

  3. If the girl is pregnant then the school nurse/ school councellor would try and persaude the child to tell her parents. However if the child refused then health professionals and the school would respect her wishes.

  4. Health and social workers would make sure the girl either had access to an abortion or proper antenatal care if that is her wish.

Looking after a child's health is more important than not upsetting the parents. Which is worst a teenager attempting to do a DIY abortion or a teenager having an NHS abortion without the parents knowing?

Teachers are not social workers. Sometimes teachers have to let other professionals make decisions in matters where they have little experience.

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 18:03

Not everything in life is about training and going by the rules. It is harder to be in a minority or a whistleblower but it does not mean it is wrong. Sometimes it is quite brave.

OP posts:
Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 18:05

Reallytired, there is no chance my colleague will lose her job, at worst she will get a warning. She felt this was a child protection issue not just a pregnancy issue.

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 14/03/2008 18:06

What is brave about what she did?

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 18:08

Also Reallytired, anyone who thinks a termination for a minor should be arranged without parents/carers knowledge (unless that child is not in the care of parents) is totally nuts! (IMHO Obviously)

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Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 18:10

Nab, she risked her job by going against her superiors when she certainly did not need to get involved (it is they who have complained not the child or family)

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scottishmummy · 14/03/2008 18:11

Brave to betray a confidence act against policies and selfishly pursue her own moral high minded agenda.i think not (and nor does anyone else)

this isn't some crusading professional morally debating an issue or exposing poor practice
this is an example of a morally just whistle blower

your friend is simply driven by her own agenda.no amount of post event reinterpretation by her or you will change that

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 18:15

Scottishmummy - but how do you know that this 'child' is not involved in a wholely unsuitable sexual relationship or being coerced in some way, or depressed or being promiscuous. How do you know she is not at risk of significant harm, you did not hear her story, and my colleague never promised confidentiality, the girl requested it but it was never promised. The girl has not blamed my colleague in any way and her mother is very grateful and relieved to have been told.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 14/03/2008 18:18

you are trying (desperately) to redefine the original statement to meet your needs.your reinterpretations are risible.No one agrees with you

TheHedgeWitch · 14/03/2008 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Reallytired · 14/03/2008 18:21

"Current Department of Health guidelines state that terminations can take place without parents' consent and doctors should respect girls' privacy. "

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/4412354.stm

Girls do have abortions without their parents being told. Health professionals will try to persaude the girl to tell her parents, but ulimately they will respect the girls decision.

Imagine if the girl was from a very strict muslim fundermentalist family. The girl might be at risk of being murdered.

NiceTry, what is the problem if your friend is just going to get a warning. It seems to me that she is getting off very lightly. The school I work in takes confidentally VERY seriously. Its sad that your school does not do the same.

beeper · 14/03/2008 18:23

Nice try......I will probably get lashed for this but.......

I think your friend did a good and noble thing, she probably knew that she would be in trouble but put herself last and the future of this 14 year old CHILD first.

This girl is not old enough to have sex, and who knows who she is having sex with, it could be a much older man.

If that a 14 year old commits a serious crime then its 'blame the parents' but if its this sort of thing its got to stay private.

I think we need more people like this.

TheFallenMadonna · 14/03/2008 18:24

"I think my colleague and this girl will mend their relationship and she will see that she only did what she felt was best for her"

"The girl has not blamed my colleague in any way"

I think that as you do not know what significant child protection issue your colleague and the appointed person and school nurse disagreed on, you, and we really, cannot know whether she was justified.

But if it were a child protection issue, and not just a moral "things children ideally should not be doing" issue, then social services should have been involved.

girlfrommars · 14/03/2008 18:24

Perhaps people are reacting to your attitude, which seems to be that underage sex is in itself something that your friend would be justified in reporting to a girl's parents.
If there are other circumstances that your friend has not discussed with you, then maybe she did have a reason to take action. Your use of 'promiscuous' suggests that you really don't care if she did have other reasons to tell the parents.