Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend ( a teacher) may be disciplined for telling parents one of her pupils took a pregnancy test?

506 replies

NiceTry · 13/03/2008 22:04

The girl had confided in her and the test was arranged, via school nurse but my colleague decided that the girl's parents should be informed and may now face disciplinary procedures because the girl had not consented to this (the test was negative by the way). Obviously the girl (and parents) are very upset. But did she do the right thing?

OP posts:
chuggabopps · 14/03/2008 16:20

the girl wanted to get informed advice from an adult about an adult topic
you went behind her back to discuss her, when she was already doing the right thing by trying to confide in you about her private life.
Can you imagine how embarrassed you would be if your friends and colleges started discussing all your private life without regard for your feelings? never mind being union rep- you seem very well aware that parents are empowered enough to take legal action where they think its appropriate, by questioning your qualifications, religious context, employment status. the girl is not empowered by her lack of age and experience, and your actions punish her for this.
how many girls in a similar situation would now not seek advice because they see a peer punished in this way?

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 16:25

Chugga, I did not go behind her back, it was a colleague of mine. However, I do admire her guts, she knew disclosing this was putting her job on the line but felt honestly in this situation (and knowing all the family well) that it was in the best interest og the girl to notify her parents. If she couldn't care less she wouldn't have got involved in the first place.

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 14/03/2008 16:26

I don't think a parent has a right to know about something a young person has told another adult in confidence. Seriously, in this case it sounds like the teacher had some kind of weird moralistic reason for involving the parents.

nappyaddict · 14/03/2008 16:27

surely if anyone was going to tell her parents it should have been the school nurse?

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 16:28

Also FWIW, I don't know all the details (i.e the age of the girl's partner/boyfriend - etc) but my colleague does and felt this was a child protection issue. She now feels she should have contacted social services and let them decide, but that could have made an unfortunate situation even worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 16:30

The school nurse would only disclose a positive result and my colleague disagreed with this (in this instance).

OP posts:
chuggabopps · 14/03/2008 16:33

I agree Beeniesteeve-

it sounds far more like the college cared more about what the parents would think of her than how this would affect the girl, and the girls long term relationship with them.
They may have years of hurt from this incident- whereas the teacher will most likely be out of their lives in five years tops.

nappyaddict · 14/03/2008 16:33

it is irrelevant whether you're colleague disagreed. the school nurse would have been right with that decision. the girl had been referred to the school nurse so imo it was out of your colleague's hands and she should not have interfered. if she was unsure about whether it was a child protection issue she should have informed a member of senior management and they would have taken it from there.

minorityrules · 14/03/2008 16:40

Why did you ask if you abu, you clearly think you are not even though nearly all of us think you are

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 16:41

The SN and Child Protection Officer did not feel it was a child protection issue but my colleague disagreed with this. Their view was along the lines of 'this is totally normal, acceptable behaviour' which, judging by this thread it is. However, my friend disagreed with this and acting on conscience felt the girl was at risk of harm. (I do not know exactly why she felt this - but she did)

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 14/03/2008 16:42

Well she betrayed the trust of this girl and she was wrong imo

cory · 14/03/2008 16:42

Mumcentreplus on Thu 13-Mar-08 23:57:49

"the reason why children in Scandinavian countries are not pregnant is because their parents are open and also within their society when you do have children you do it within a family setting within a meaningful relationship...not behind a bike-shed..."

Yes, but do you really believe this is because Scandinavian youngsters are not having sex behind bike sheds? If so, I am afraid I have to disappoint you.

The point I tried to make was that Scandinavian teenagers for most of the time are able to have sex without getting pregnant. Precisely because they have access to reliable and confidential contraceptive advice. Which proves the point most of us are trying to make.

You can have sex without making a baby, if the right conditions prevail. Take away those conditions, make teenagers mistrust adults, and pregnancy rates will soar.

Lulumama · 14/03/2008 16:42

the child protection officer did not thikn it was a CP issue, but your friend felt it was....?

come on, surely she should have deferred to the CPO on this

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 16:43

Minority, I wanted to get the majority opinion on this issue, and I have! Doesn't make it the right opinion though, millions supported Hitler.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 14/03/2008 16:44

If she went against the guidance of the school's own CP appointed person then she can't really be surprised that she's facing disciplinary measures surely? She must have considered that when she made the decision she did.

chuggabopps · 14/03/2008 16:52

why did she ask their opinion if she disreguarded it? if she is being disciplined for breaking the chain of command then yes yabu.

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 17:00

If you felt a child was at risk of signifiant harm but your superior did not, would you go against your superior or would you put the safety of the child first?

OP posts:
BibiThree · 14/03/2008 17:05

I'm sorry, but being in the job she's in, your friend should have known she would have to live with herself and keep the child's confidence, whether she wanted to or not.

I'd probably want to tell the parents too, but that girl confided in her at a time when she needed someone to trust. I don't think she should have told.

TheFallenMadonna · 14/03/2008 17:10

I suppose I might make the decision to act anyway, if I thought there was a real immediate risk of serious harm which was being disregarded by the CP appointed person. But this has never happened, and when I was confided in regarding this kind of risk, telling the parents would have been utterly inappropriate. It was social services who needed to be informed.

I have however been faced with this kind of situation on several occasions. On one occasion I disagreed with the appointed person (about drugs rather than sex that time), and told them so, but I have always followed the procedures of the school.

2shoes · 14/03/2008 17:13

By minorityrules on Fri 14-Mar-08 16:40:04
Why did you ask if you abu, you clearly think you are not even though nearly all of us think you are

i think minority has a very good point...why?

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 17:14

She admits she should have contacted social services instead of the parents (not in the best interest of the girl but in her own best interest) however, she does not regret her decision.

OP posts:
Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 17:14

2shoes - already answered that!

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/03/2008 17:15

She might regret it when she gets fired doncha think?

Lulumama · 14/03/2008 17:21

why did she think she was at risk of serious harm, if CPO didn;t

she went over and above, and has to take the consequences, however galling

Lulumama · 14/03/2008 17:21

if she does not regret her decision, why are you annoyed for her ? surely you should just be supporting her in whatever happens....