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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a strange way to do Secret Santa?

343 replies

Fancylike · 05/12/2023 10:44

My office has announced a Secret Santa but has set a minimum price of £40. There’s no maximum but you have to spend over £40 on a single gift. I’m new to the company but every SS I’ve done previously had a maximum spend, not a minimum and it’s always been £5-10.

This just seems like a lot of money to spend on coworkers you may not know well (I work in a different department to the name I pulled so have to research them) and also having a minimum doesn’t sit well with me given the disparity in salaries across the office. I’m new so I don’t want to rock the boat by asking if the organiser got mixed up but it’s also been made clear we all need to participate.

OP posts:
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DreamTheMoors · 06/12/2023 01:24

Every time someone mentions Secret Santa I think back to the time our combined families picked names (about 20 of us) for Christmas.

My auntie got wasted and then when we did gifts there was no gift for my cousin and my auntie got so offended & furious she walked home in the freezing rain.

It was my uncle who picked my cousin’s name hahaha.

Keepitweird · 06/12/2023 01:30

£40???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For work??????

WTAF?

WhatNoUsername · 06/12/2023 03:02

Fancylike · 05/12/2023 11:24

I have already said I would prefer not to when the hat was brought around and was made clear that opting out isn’t an option. This was after the Teams message was pinned stating the £40 minimum. I haven’t misunderstood as it’s very clear about that being the minimum and with no maximum.
I’m still in my probate period so am leery about being seen as hard work before getting my permanent contract.

What do you mean it isn't an option?!? Unless they are paying they can't force you to spend £40 of your own money. Just say you can't afford it.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 06/12/2023 03:08

That's a massive amount.for a SS
Especially as it will cover people you don't know
Who can afford to spend £40 these days?

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 06/12/2023 03:20

It is an option. Spend what you want to, not what is dictated to you.

ToriTheStoryteller · 06/12/2023 04:40

If you feel like you can't back out now that you have a name, just spend £10 or less if you want. No-one will know it came from you anyway so there's no comeback.

Ramalangadingdong · 06/12/2023 06:07

Scruffington · 05/12/2023 10:47

That seems a massive sum of money for Secret Santa? Secret Santa is such a fanny ache anyway. Buying a gift for someone you don’t know particularly well. Who can be arsed!

We do a foodbank collection instead, and people can spend as much or as little as they want. It’s not monitored.

The food bank collection is a lovely idea and in keeping with the spirit of Christmas. I love it.

£40 is completely ridiculous. Someone could put that towards their heating. If I was forced to participate I wouldn’t buy a present. I would just give them the money.

Lifetooshort23 · 06/12/2023 06:19

Crikey… red flag! I’m not sure I’d be staying with the company if this is the first absolutely bonkers thing you’re experiencing and haven’t been there long!

Lulu1919 · 06/12/2023 06:39

Suggest using elfster
People can make a list of things they'd like and you can choose from the list

SoSad44 · 06/12/2023 06:46

RampantIvy · 05/12/2023 21:12

Maybe a couple of movie ticket vouchers?

How much is the cinema where you live?
Vue is £4.99 and our local cinema is £6.50

I was going to say this. Last time I went to the cinema it was £5!

not a good present, a lot of adults don’t go to the cinema often.

Chickenpoxhelp · 06/12/2023 06:54

Please come back and tell us what gift you received. Every time I’ve done SS I’ve carefully planned my £5/£10 to get something useful/nice/appropriate. In return I’ve had utter shit. Bnm £3 lipgloss set, £5 Aldi wine (when it was £10). I’d be fuming if that happened and I’d spent £40!

WillowTit · 06/12/2023 07:07

a meal voucher,
or just dont do it

Notquitegrownup2 · 06/12/2023 07:10

Cinema vouchers is a good idea OP (perhaps stuck to a bag of popcorn so that it is fun to unwrap.)

Every sympathy - can't believe this the first year they've done this. So insensitive with CoL cricis. Every other office has been through this for years and most of us have totally given up wasting money in this way.

RainbowNinja77 · 06/12/2023 07:11

That’s awful - we opt in an have a max skend of £10

MummyJ36 · 06/12/2023 07:12

the thing is…I bet you could spend £20 and nobody would be any the wiser if it had cost £20 or £40. ASOS always have a sale on at the moment so I’d buy some stuff from there that would have cost £40 but comes out cheaper with the discount.

I agree the minimum spend is ridiculous and doesn’t take into account peoples circumstances at Christmas. If you end up staying until next year I’d get in early and say you really disagree with the minimum spend.

Merryhobnobs · 06/12/2023 07:18

I've never heard it being done this way. I have group of 5 friends who I know very well and we secret Santa with a cap of £15! A minimum of £40 is a huge amount of money. It's difficult with you being so new but I would definitely be raising this with HR - both the policy of it being compulsory but expecting you to spend your own money (who knows what people have going on behind closed doors, it is impossible to know ) and the minimum pricing makes it unfair. The point of setting a maximum price is to give a clear guideline and cap.

If you absolutely have to do it then I would go for a voucher. No point buying stuff for that amount of money that may just go to waste.

The whole thing is out of touch and wasteful.

Matronic6 · 06/12/2023 07:27

Scruffington · 05/12/2023 10:47

That seems a massive sum of money for Secret Santa? Secret Santa is such a fanny ache anyway. Buying a gift for someone you don’t know particularly well. Who can be arsed!

We do a foodbank collection instead, and people can spend as much or as little as they want. It’s not monitored.

The food bank collection is such a nice idea!

StopLickingTheDog · 06/12/2023 07:27

I'm sure I'd you stuck your head above the parapet and said about the min amount being too high, others will agree but don't want to be the one to say it

deets · 06/12/2023 07:31

Ten maximum. We did £5 plus a £1 fun gift. A sugar mouse or something.

AndromacheAstyanax · 06/12/2023 07:36

It often takes a newcomer’s fresh perspective to challenge the things that others may have been doing for years but have come to accept, albeit grudgingly. I’d imagine that most people will be very grateful if you decide to ‘rock the boat’ and challenge this very high minimum spend.

spidermonkeys · 06/12/2023 07:39

I spend less than that on my mum and dad combined this year ! I would not be participating

JoanOfAllTrades · 06/12/2023 07:41

Fancylike · 05/12/2023 18:26

Like I said there wasn’t an option to opt out. When the hat was brought around to me, they had already been around the office. It would have become a big deal for me to say I didn’t want to.
I don’t celebrate Christmas but others of the same faith or other/no religions are participating. It’s billed as an end of year gift giving and apparently is the first year doing it!!

If you are a religion that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, you should absolutely be allowed to say “no thank you, I don’t celebrate Christmas and I am not participating”, without being penalised.

If this is end of year gift giving, then that’s not Secret Santa, it’s an end of year gift and you take it in after your Christmas break (if you’re workplace closes between Christmas and New Year.

Also, gifts should flow down, not up, so technically you should be buying for someone who is on the rung below you.

Go on to Amazon and find something on there, as there are items over 50% off. Otherwise, a book that’s supposed to sell for a lot more but is discontinued.

I can’t believe that they are making non-Christians give Christmas gifts! That is so wrong and religion is a protected characteristic under The Equality Act 2010, so they can’t retaliate against you and I’m sure that they would need a good reason to let you go, if you’ve had good feedback about your work.

doriszinkeisen · 06/12/2023 07:47

Ours is capped at €15 and it is voluntary, and it's still a faff getting a gift for a random man at an expensive time of year. £40 is ridiculous. I can do a week's groceries on that! It looks like you'll have to suck it up this year (glassware section in TK Maxx?) but next year tell them firmly you don't celebrate Christmas for personal reasons.

Zanatdy · 06/12/2023 07:48

Not a chance I’d want to participate in that, that’s more than I spent on friends I have known for 40yrs. I guess it’s a company where people earn mega bucks, in my government dept people would fall off their chair if we suggested more than £10 (rightly so)

BertieBotts · 06/12/2023 07:52

Fancylike · 05/12/2023 19:49

I was thinking about asking around my team if they also think the minimum could be lowered. It’s the HR person organising it but I feel like they are confused about how it should go. Ie having a spend limit. We are not in a well paid industry at all but maybe HR is better salary wise!

I can afford this still as I live quite thrifty but it’s more the principle of it. Like others said I’m not spending that much on family members and would spend a bit of time thinking over spending 40 quid on myself for new jeans or similar.

Definitely definitely do this. Hopefully someone more bolshy or with a more secure contract will speak up. Or if there are enough of you feeling uncomfortable, an group letter signed by the whole team?

£40 could be an absolutely devastating amount to feel forced to spend at work if you're struggling to afford presents for your own kids etc.

I remember one year I felt guilted into spending £20 and it absolutely gutted me. £40 is awful.