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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a strange way to do Secret Santa?

343 replies

Fancylike · 05/12/2023 10:44

My office has announced a Secret Santa but has set a minimum price of £40. There’s no maximum but you have to spend over £40 on a single gift. I’m new to the company but every SS I’ve done previously had a maximum spend, not a minimum and it’s always been £5-10.

This just seems like a lot of money to spend on coworkers you may not know well (I work in a different department to the name I pulled so have to research them) and also having a minimum doesn’t sit well with me given the disparity in salaries across the office. I’m new so I don’t want to rock the boat by asking if the organiser got mixed up but it’s also been made clear we all need to participate.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Fancylike · 05/12/2023 11:24

I have already said I would prefer not to when the hat was brought around and was made clear that opting out isn’t an option. This was after the Teams message was pinned stating the £40 minimum. I haven’t misunderstood as it’s very clear about that being the minimum and with no maximum.
I’m still in my probate period so am leery about being seen as hard work before getting my permanent contract.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fancylike · 05/12/2023 11:25

Scruffington · 05/12/2023 10:47

That seems a massive sum of money for Secret Santa? Secret Santa is such a fanny ache anyway. Buying a gift for someone you don’t know particularly well. Who can be arsed!

We do a foodbank collection instead, and people can spend as much or as little as they want. It’s not monitored.

I’d much prefer to have £40 spent on a charity initiative in my name instead of whatever Body Shop gift set.

OP posts:
AbacusAvocado · 05/12/2023 11:27

Definitely view it as “this would have been £40 new and at full price”. So go to the charity shops - lots of unopened brand new gifts available in the ones near me. Remember you can buy a few things and put them together to get to the £40.

skgnome · 05/12/2023 11:27

£40 is ridiculous
and I bet you, if you spend £40 you’ll end up receiving a £5 gift… since it’s the way those things tend to work….
I'll go sale shopping a buy something with a RRP of £40 that has been heavily discounted - TK Max to the rescue

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 05/12/2023 11:27

Secret Santa is a weird concept anyway, for adults - nobody should feel obligated to spend money on tat for a co worker, let alone £40! "No" is a complete sentence, as is often quoted, and entirely spplicable in this case...

Wheelz46 · 05/12/2023 11:32

@Fancylike How can it not be optional, how can they force you to go out and spend £40 on a present for someone you don't know. What if one of the team members couldn't afford it?

You can't not pass probation because you didn't fancy being part of some secret santa. It's not you being difficult, it's them being unrealistic.

Personally, nobody would be telling me I had to be part of something I didn't want to be included in. This comes from someone who adores Christmas but there is no way I would put added stress on myself to appease some company boss.

LakeTiticaca · 05/12/2023 11:40

Nobody can be forced to participate and 40 quid is ridiculous. It's a weeks shopping or fuel for some people.
Even the Royal Family don't spend 40 quid apiece on their Secret Santa's!!

Devilsmommy · 05/12/2023 11:42

skgnome · 05/12/2023 11:27

£40 is ridiculous
and I bet you, if you spend £40 you’ll end up receiving a £5 gift… since it’s the way those things tend to work….
I'll go sale shopping a buy something with a RRP of £40 that has been heavily discounted - TK Max to the rescue

Very good idea 😁

housethatbuiltme · 05/12/2023 11:48

Do you and your co-workers make over 100k mumsnet style?

£40 would be utterly ridiculous here but most people I know make between £14k-£35k combined household incomes so £40 would be a LOT.

I don't think anyone should get to specify the minimum amount of a gift ever.

I would just buy something of 'unprovable' cost. Ooops its non googlable, you also paid in cash and the receipt got wet and ruined at the artisan pop up market you bought it from.

similarminimer · 05/12/2023 11:51

You mentioned you'd rather yours was spent on charity - you can spend £48 on christmas lunch and a warm clothing pack with the single homeless project and put that in a card - if you do it now through the big give your donation will be doubled.

Assssssssssss · 05/12/2023 11:52

Are they having you on? do you think because your new and maybe they are playing a joke on you!!

ginasevern · 05/12/2023 11:53

£40 minimum! That is beyond crazy. I've never heard anything like it. I detest secret santas anyway but this is blackmail and should be illegal. I would actually be prepared to lose my job over this. Does the management assume you are all wealthy? Are you all hedge fund managers or something similar?

Illgotothefootofourstairs · 05/12/2023 11:54

@similarminimer I came to suggest the same. Perfect answer to your problem . £40 for a gift that won’t be wanted for a person who wants for nothing ? ……bonkers .

caringcarer · 05/12/2023 12:07

similarminimer · 05/12/2023 11:51

You mentioned you'd rather yours was spent on charity - you can spend £48 on christmas lunch and a warm clothing pack with the single homeless project and put that in a card - if you do it now through the big give your donation will be doubled.

Toby Carvery are working with some charity and you can add £5 to your meal cost at any of their carveries to provide a Xmas meal for a homeless person.

Headband · 05/12/2023 12:22

What sort of company forces people to do this? It's verging on bullying really. £40 is a ridiculous amount to spend.

Trevorton · 05/12/2023 12:24

That wouldn’t sit right with me at all. Purely because the likelihood of someone buying something useful that will be appreciated by the recipient is about a 10% chance (if that). I mean, I like candles but if someone bought me £40 of yankee candles they would go straight in the bin (or charity shop). Also, considering so many will get so little this year due to COL crisis it is a criminal waste of money on shite that no one probably wants or needs. I would email the organiser(s) and opt out saying I would prefer to give my £40 to the food bank or other charitable donation (buy a family Xmas dinner is a good one on Fb).

NotTheBeesNotTheBees · 05/12/2023 12:29

You're new, so I'm going to say that, whilst it's ridiculous, you should keep quiet and join in. Make a stand next year.

JL690 · 05/12/2023 12:36

Who is saying it is not optional? Sounds like workplace bullying! Totally unreasonable.

penjil · 05/12/2023 12:46

Trevorton · 05/12/2023 12:24

That wouldn’t sit right with me at all. Purely because the likelihood of someone buying something useful that will be appreciated by the recipient is about a 10% chance (if that). I mean, I like candles but if someone bought me £40 of yankee candles they would go straight in the bin (or charity shop). Also, considering so many will get so little this year due to COL crisis it is a criminal waste of money on shite that no one probably wants or needs. I would email the organiser(s) and opt out saying I would prefer to give my £40 to the food bank or other charitable donation (buy a family Xmas dinner is a good one on Fb).

Sorry to derail the thread for a second....

If you like candles, why don't you like Yankee Candles?

I thought they were "the thing" with all their hundreds of different ones?

AllTheChaos · 05/12/2023 12:53

similarminimer · 05/12/2023 11:51

You mentioned you'd rather yours was spent on charity - you can spend £48 on christmas lunch and a warm clothing pack with the single homeless project and put that in a card - if you do it now through the big give your donation will be doubled.

This is a really good idea. I was going to suggest a small box of fancy chocolates (eg Prestat) and then the rest on Oxfam Unwrapped gifts (eg a donkey for a farmer in the developing world) You get a gift card with those that could then go with the chocolates.

RampantIvy · 05/12/2023 12:54

We do Secret Santa at work, but the max is £10 and it is entirely optional. If you really can't opt out I would find something that would be £40 full price and see if you can find any reductions on said item. TK Maxx and Boundary Mills are good places to look.

Bullying staff to spend £40 on Secret Santa is awful.

LordEmsworth · 05/12/2023 12:55

Go to HR and ask if this is officially sanctioned, given that they are requiring employees to give £40 to a colleague; what if a colleague can't afford it, have they considered providing a hardship fund. If HR say oh it's just a bit of fun - start job hunting...

Verbena17 · 05/12/2023 12:56

Your options are…

  • stick to your guns and opt out - they can’t sack you for not doing it.
  • buy something for up to a tenner, like a candle or a scarf etc & don’t give a shit what they say
  • buy something worth around £40 but in sale
  • spend £40 on a charity and give them the little card saying you’ve bought a family a goat etc
If I was you, I would spend much much less but still get a gift. I’m they tell you who you’re buying for?
easylikeasundaymorn · 05/12/2023 12:58

This sounds horrendous. I can understand not wanting to rock the boat so would resentfully play along this year but opt out next year if you've passed your probation, they cant make you do it!....hopefully by then you will know people better and get a feel for others who aren't happy with it....I can't imagine everyone in the company loves this stupid idea! If a few of you refuse to participate it's strength in numbers!

Bluetrews25 · 05/12/2023 12:59

Yeah buy them a toilet in Africa or something via Oxfam.
Plus a Christmas joke loo roll to keep.