To be irritated DS is 'posh' like DH?

[highlandsabroad]

Ok slightly clickbaity title but please don't flame - supposed to be (sort of) lighthearted!

I am early 40s, DH early-mid 50s. We have 1 DS, who is 13. (who we both totally adore).

I am Scottish and from a very loving, but very ordinary background. My parents were a primary school teacher and a countryside ranger / handyman / tour guide.

DH is from a v. posh part of London and from a family where his mother was basically an heiress + his father a lawyer. They can trace their family back for generations and it's all a bit ridiculous. I don't quite know how we've ended up together but we do love each other. (even though he has voted Tory in the past)

I was stunned that as soon as our DS started talking, he's just sounded exactly like DH. Despite my best efforts to teach him how to use the short 'a' in words (e.g. 'bath') out it comes as if he's been living in Surrey all his life, and as if he didn't have a Scottish bone in his body.

We live in a European country where he attends an international School, which is private but has kids from all over the world, so it's not as if he's even surrounded by little Hooray Henrys.

The other day it emerged DS knows all the distinctions in importance for various noble titles and ranks of the armed forces etc because DH has essentially taught him all this stuff 'because he just ought to know it 🤔'

• *I have taken DS back to my home several times, which he agrees under duress is beautiful, but he already seems more at home in DH's world.

There are some differences in parenting as well - DH assumed we would get a nanny, despite only living in a flat and having quite flexible jobs, and he wants to send DS to some posh boys' camp in the summer (in the UK) that he used to go to with his brothers.

I love DH and DS but I am disturbed by seeing just how strong those English public school genes are from generation to generation ... and I can't quite understand how I, a proud Scottish highlands woman, have somehow contributed to this!

My parents weren't rich but I was brought up in a nice area of London and speak with an RP accent. My DH is from Essex and speaks like he's from Essex. My children all spoke really nicely with RP accents until my DH was furloughed during the pandemic and spent way more time with all of them. My DDs kept the same accent but my son picked up the Essex accent and phrases. I really want him to go back to the way he was.

I feel sorry for the son that his mother is irritated by what he is and wants him to be something other than that.

It's damaging in the long term.

OP I am a posh southerner married to a northerner with a working class upbringing, although I would say we are both firmly middle class now. And he went to a better Uni than I did.

We live in the south so our kids use the long 'a' rather than the short one DH uses - my observation is that their pronunciation is most influenced by their peers at school. They aren't great at pronouncing 't's at the end of words which irritates both me and DH. 'Wha' not 'What'.

I expect the English spoken at your DS's school will mainly be non- regionally accented and that is where your DS is getting it from.

Take him for a holiday in Glasgow for a week, and get him on a pub crawl.

Lols.

My DS had a range of toys that didn't include guns. My DH has a firearms licence and was totally against DS having toy guns. His argument is they are not toys, they need to be respected. But somehow a toy gun made an appearance and that became his favourite toy and he would always gravitate to toy guns/soldiers/anything war related. They are who they are, despite parental and societies best efforts....

Get them to watch Two Doors Down. Your ds might be really useful at quizes with army ranks etc.
For Irish readers...my ds was born in Belfast and grew up in Cork. He worked in Dublin for a few years and became Ross OCarroll Kelly. He is now back in Cork.

I am exactly the same (well NE) - my kids tell me I speak different as I come from "far away". I am forever telling them there is no r in words!!!

I am sorry to tell you but two of my best mates from Glasgow Uni days went to Harrow and Marlborough., these poshos get EVERYWHERE

I think it’s normal to feel as you do, people experience it when they end up living permanently in another country and realise they have German (or whatever) kids.

I hate to lay the blame at your door 😁but you have Eliza Doolittled your way up in the world so inevitably you were going to end up with a posh kid.

It’s all relative though, you might think you are salt of the earth but your mum was a teacher which probably made you quiet posh in some people’s eyes.

There’s time for him join momentum and get cut out of the grandparents wills yet. Your Dh was right about schools though, the French system is zero fun.

Your ds will have more opportunities in life being raised this way, that's why you're not living in a dreary town in Scotland

Dreary town in Scotland? ODFO

Honestly you sound like an inverted snob.

How do your DH and DS feel about your revulsion towards their heritage?

And make sure he's comfortable with persistent disappointment too!

Well you liked your husband enough to marry him so why would it matter?

She has two lovely little very Scottish kids!

Do they eat deep-fried Mars bars and tell people to 'get tae fu%k' ?!

That was light-hearted as per OP post before anyone accuses me of stereotyping!

I think there is still time to save your son but you may have to adopt extreme measures like no longer using his name (Sebastian, or whatever) but saying 'Oy Posho! and calling him 'Tory Boy' to continuously remind him of his out of touch privilege... You can only hope that he marries a girl from Essex or Saarf London.

My friends mother was adopted by a lovely ordinary couple both non professional but steady and great parents. Friends mother was adopted as a baby and grew up to become like an aristocrat with a 'posh' accent and general demeanor but also a lovely person. Long story short my friend is also like this. They found out their genetic maternal side was indeed very aristocratic. The father was from a wealthy background but new money. The adoption took place for reasons I dont know. I believe it's genetic.

International schools are posh. Your ds' friends are Hooray Henry's, Heinrichs, Henris and Hongs. Your ds' accent will be most strongly influenced by his peers, not his parents. Take him shooting and skiing. Seems like the bit of the Venn diagram where 'posh' and 'Highlands' intersect.

😂😂

When I met DH he spoke like me, I was born in Scotland, into a Scottish family. He moved from Herts as a child, parents were English. To stop getting beaten up at school he soon learnt to speak with the local accent.

We’ve lived in the North of England for most of our lives now, DC born and grew up here, they sound Northernish, but not specific to the area. We lived in an area with lots of non locals, so they avoided the broad local dialect. I still sound Scottish, but DH’s accent has reverted to its more Southern roots. And we all say scone to rhyme with gone. 😉

The OED did a survey on this & the GENERAL findings were 'scon' for oop north & middle/upper class elsewhere. Scone for ordinary working class folk.

DH (SE boarding school) says scon & it drives me nuts lol. I say scone (Midlands council estate).

OP - it's weird about the army stuff cos DH knows all that crap too & I don't understand where in my schooling I'd have learned that or why. For a while my DS2 (now 14) went through a phase of over-pronunciation & it made my teeth itch (cos it sounds so unnatural), thankfully he's stopped.

@SaltyGod when they were little my kids used to say “are we going in the bath with you mom or is dad going to barth us?” Obviously a bath and a barth were two different things.

Also note “mom”. That is the only place where I have drawn a Very Firm Line. I’m mom not mum.

I'm weirdly fascinated by your life op.
As for your son, its just genetics.

My ds sounds very posh and was also an army wife. Her now grown up children grew up in Scotland, and have Scottish accents. She couldn’t give a shiny shit.

A Man U fan? No wonder he's an ex!

Sounds terrible. As you are well aware OP, your husband is equipping your son with knowledge he needs for your mutual social strata. You can offer to take him off to live in a croft and live on oatmeal and whisky in order to make him a more 'authentic' offspring of yours but I suspect he'd decline.

Oh dear OP I relate hard to your post but have been chuckling at some of the angry MNrs. I was betting with myself how many pages will it be before someone says you're racist...and we have a winner on page 4 😂

Obviously the OP is saying it in a light-hearted way. It's weird for anyone who wants to pass on values and culture to their kids to feel they are growing up with something different. Many Scots have a particular hard-wired allergy to perceived elitism and exclusion in posh Southern English culture which just flies in the face of everything about the way we grew up. People can be lovely people and still make choices which perpetuate and celebrate this elitism and exclusion, because it's part of their culture.

Me and my sister are Scottish and both with posh southerners. I live in Scotland, she lives near London. Our kids are utterly different in their outlook in ways relevant to where they are growing up. We both adore our partners and our kids. It's just weird. I'm sure it's weird for my partner when my kids absorb the worst bits of Scottish culture and mentality, of which there are many.

Sorry, I should have said the correct way to say it, not the posh way!