To be irritated DS is 'posh' like DH?

[highlandsabroad]

Ok slightly clickbaity title but please don't flame - supposed to be (sort of) lighthearted!

I am early 40s, DH early-mid 50s. We have 1 DS, who is 13. (who we both totally adore).

I am Scottish and from a very loving, but very ordinary background. My parents were a primary school teacher and a countryside ranger / handyman / tour guide.

DH is from a v. posh part of London and from a family where his mother was basically an heiress + his father a lawyer. They can trace their family back for generations and it's all a bit ridiculous. I don't quite know how we've ended up together but we do love each other. (even though he has voted Tory in the past)

I was stunned that as soon as our DS started talking, he's just sounded exactly like DH. Despite my best efforts to teach him how to use the short 'a' in words (e.g. 'bath') out it comes as if he's been living in Surrey all his life, and as if he didn't have a Scottish bone in his body.

We live in a European country where he attends an international School, which is private but has kids from all over the world, so it's not as if he's even surrounded by little Hooray Henrys.

The other day it emerged DS knows all the distinctions in importance for various noble titles and ranks of the armed forces etc because DH has essentially taught him all this stuff 'because he just ought to know it 🤔'

• *I have taken DS back to my home several times, which he agrees under duress is beautiful, but he already seems more at home in DH's world.

There are some differences in parenting as well - DH assumed we would get a nanny, despite only living in a flat and having quite flexible jobs, and he wants to send DS to some posh boys' camp in the summer (in the UK) that he used to go to with his brothers.

I love DH and DS but I am disturbed by seeing just how strong those English public school genes are from generation to generation ... and I can't quite understand how I, a proud Scottish highlands woman, have somehow contributed to this!

Ah that's completely understandable to be firm about what you want to be called!

My MIL who is generally really chilled about everything, told us really solemnly before dc1 was born that she wanted to be Granny and none of the alternatives. She was particularly firm she wouldn't be "Nan-nan" which is a northern nickname for grandmother I'd never even heard of...!

My own mum is called by her native language's word for maternal grandmother which no one else in the extended family, except me and dd, can pronounce properly 😄but it's really sweet of my in laws to make the effort when they mention her to dd.

I guess the moral is, when you marry someone of another culture you've got to embrace all the potential little awkwardness that comes with that

Here is the scone pronunciation map (blue = scohn, red = sconn, yellow = a mixture)

This.
And your post is quite judgemental. It’s important to look at the person for who they are, not just the culture.
I live in Scotland and some of our Scottish clients are extremely well-heeled with heritage traced back generations, all fully Scottish. They are also very nice people.
Scottish does not always equal poor, and poor does not always equal nice and down to earth.

Of course when they are big and move south and talk about you people will think you’re a yank

DH doing what he thinks is best to prepare DS to get on in life: isn't that what we all do in our own way? No need to look down on someone's background just because it's different to yours.
Your son is in fact lucky to have such a diverse upbringing.

My ds doesn’t sound particularly Scottish and we still live here! I’m born and bred here but went to a Scottish uni dominated by English students and then lived in London and now work in an international environment. All my Scottish phrases have been dropped after being laughed at or queried / not understood. Dh is similar. Ds sounds pretty standard bbc english. Sigh.

I certainly get that often on here @theduchessofspork ! They’ve always lived down south though. They’ve always been brainwashed said mom. They have had to battle with teachers etc when making Mother’s Day cards etc. IT’S MOM!

Forget scon v schone, the real tests here are:

1. signet ring?
2. red trousers?
3. what's the name of the meal you have in the evening?

OP, he probably has more of your side that you realise. Ask DH if there's anything he's noticed. As your DS gets older, if he wants to know more about your side of the family, he'll ask - there's still time.

On the subject of scone, I've always pronounced it 'scohn' - my parents were from Wolverhampton and Coventry. We live in South West now and everyone else pronounces it 'sconn'. It's just what I'm used to and I like the way I say it as 'sconn' sounds posh to me and we're just normal working class people around here.

But there are ultra-posh Scots, who are every bit as exclusive and tribal as the English UC, possibly more so from what I’ve observed. The OP isn’t from that cadre, obviously, but some posters are assuming that its national differences that are at issue, not ones of social class.

God, it sounds like you hate and resent them both.

I know it’s “lighthearted” and things are”said as a joke when he’s out of the room”, but your poor kid will pick up on how you feel about him and his father.

YANBU.

DH is Scottish and I’m from the Midlands but DS seems to have developed a posh southern English accent and we live in Ireland! People often commented on how well he spoke when he was 5yrs old. 😱😂.

In order to help him speak properly as a teen, I’ve been making him watch all the episodes of Still Game and numerous 80’s and 90’s classic British comedies.

Not sure if it’s working but it’s improving his cultural knowledge. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I've got one of those too. Very neutral clothes and toys until he was old enough to ask for them himself, determined he would like all types of play and not think pink was just for girls... but somehow he's absolutely obsessed with cars and trains and monsters and building and crashing stuff. How?! In the toy shop he runs straight past all the dolls and crafting toys and wants the cars, transformers, and horrible monsters that fart.

OP, I think you need to do a bit more indoctrination, and quick 😂He'll likely be more a product of where you live than you or your DH, but if you get him learning about his Scottish ancestry that might spark an interest.

I'm
A product of a Scottish mum and boarding school English dad... we went to Scotland regularly and I have always felt Scottish even though no one from my mums area of Scotland believes me that I'm from there!

As a southerner, I think the perception of the Scottish Highlands is pretty posh. It may be a stereotype but it all seems shooting parties, country sports, beautiful lochs, fancy whiskey, big country piles with stags on the wall and tartan carpet.

Whilst you think your background is ordinary, I would say it was very solid, respectable and middle-class. What with his Dad’s background too, your DS was never going to be swinging iron-bru on his BMX down on the estate. He sounds like a lovely, fortunate lad, and let’s be honest, speaking well, a solid background, wealthy parents living France with an education from an International School is going to help more than it hinders his life.

Classic mumsnet here, lots of people jumping on you for hating your family etc etc. I totally get where you’re coming from and I’m sure you are lighthearted. But never fear, I’m from a long line of crofters in the highlands, mum was a teacher. My DH is privately educated and an Oxbridge graduate (and he once voted Tory too). We have grown up children brought up in Yorkshire, son now lives on the south but is very much a socialist, even though rather a champagne one as he is a high earner. He is very against private education and class privilege for the sake of it. He is also very proud of his Scottish heritage and getting married in his kilt soon. So I’m sure your son will get your values too in time.

In essence, “Why does my privately educated child sound posh?” 😂

This is easily solved if it is important.
Move back to Scotland, send DS to the local state school.

If you have too much money to fit in change jobs or give it to a charity.

Life will then be perfect.

I'd imagine an international school in France he'd have peers from the kind of background your dh is from and he'll gravitate toward identifying with his peers.
I know a lovely young lady from Scottish parents, dad was armed forces and she grew up in overseas schools. She has the most fascinating accent- Bristol/West Country/generic 'posh'/touch of midlands and not a trace of Scottish but does still very much identify as Scottish and is proud of her heritage.

My own dc have me and my family, all geordie (albeit my accent is a bit diluted now), dh is sort of generic well spoken but not 'posh' with a bit of scouse when he's excited 😆 we live in neither of our hometowns. 8yo has a sort of generic non accent and my family think she sounds quite posh and 4yo has the local accent heading towards northern.

I think the best we can achieve is our dc turn out to be good people, whatever they choose to do.

I live in Scotland and some of our Scottish clients are extremely well-heeled with heritage traced back generations, all fully Scottish. They are also very nice people.
Scottish does not always equal poor, and poor does not always equal nice and down to earth

No no no, this is MN. It knows that no one earns over £30k, all houses cost 50p, all the food is deep fried, there's never anything but pissing rain, and everyone is just a bit thick really. Also FREEEEEDOM. I've been reading it on here for 10+ years, so it must all be true 🤷🏻‍♀️

It was a choice to send him to that school he could have gone to the normal school where you live

Yes, I was one of the two grandchildren/nephews/nieces that had been taken 'down south' and so sounded hilariously posh and out of place to my whole extended family. As an adult I know it was ill-intentioned teasing, but as a child I was acutely aware that I didn't fit and it used to really upset me - and was probably one contributor to why I haven't really kept in touch with extended family as an adult. It might be 'light-hearted' but young people know and are sensitive to not belonging.

My heritage is French and yes, I do find myself humming La Marseillaise when surrounded by Posh people... Is there a Scottish equivalent?

Have you tried painting half his face blue like that Mel Gibson film?

I’m intrigued to know which are the real Home Counties and if I live in one? 😁

I am working class and come from North Yorkshire and pronounce scone as scon. Everybody does round here. If I try to say scone it becomes scoone

My DH’s heritage is part Scottish, part Irish and part English. On the Scottish side one of his 2nd great uncles was Sir George Anderson, It amazed me how a boy from Fraserburgh, a fishing village near Aberdeen became a Sir.