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Original poster

To be irritated DS is 'posh' like DH?

402 replies

highlandsabroad · 05/12/2023 07:44

Ok slightly clickbaity title but please don't flame - supposed to be (sort of) lighthearted!

I am early 40s, DH early-mid 50s. We have 1 DS, who is 13. (who we both totally adore).

I am Scottish and from a very loving, but very ordinary background. My parents were a primary school teacher and a countryside ranger / handyman / tour guide.

DH is from a v. posh part of London and from a family where his mother was basically an heiress + his father a lawyer. They can trace their family back for generations and it's all a bit ridiculous. I don't quite know how we've ended up together but we do love each other. (even though he has voted Tory in the past)

I was stunned that as soon as our DS started talking, he's just sounded exactly like DH. Despite my best efforts to teach him how to use the short 'a' in words (e.g. 'bath') out it comes as if he's been living in Surrey all his life, and as if he didn't have a Scottish bone in his body.

We live in a European country where he attends an international School, which is private but has kids from all over the world, so it's not as if he's even surrounded by little Hooray Henrys.

The other day it emerged DS knows all the distinctions in importance for various noble titles and ranks of the armed forces etc because DH has essentially taught him all this stuff 'because he just ought to know it 🤔'

*I have taken DS back to my home several times, which he agrees under duress is beautiful, but he already seems more at home in DH's world.

There are some differences in parenting as well - DH assumed we would get a nanny, despite only living in a flat and having quite flexible jobs, and he wants to send DS to some posh boys' camp in the summer (in the UK) that he used to go to with his brothers.

I love DH and DS but I am disturbed by seeing just how strong those English public school genes are from generation to generation ... and I can't quite understand how I, a proud Scottish highlands woman, have somehow contributed to this!

OP posts:

Getthethrowonthesofa · 05/12/2023 08:23

I never really get why inverted snobby is something to laugh about or boast about. If this was reversed and someone was saying my kid is so state school there would be an outcry,

Cornettoninja · 05/12/2023 08:24

Your ds isn’t here to be a carbon copy of you or his df, he’s just himself.

Keep exposing him to what you think is important for him to have knowledge of but just wait and see how he processes that what he identifies with.

possiblenow · 05/12/2023 08:24

Hmmm, OP. Ever considered international families with parents who have totally different first languages, nationalities, cultural upbringings and religions - ie. billions if people? How do you think they manage?

I don't mean to be rude, but you sound like you need to get over yourself.

Italianasoitis · 05/12/2023 08:24

We are Irish raising our children abroad. They go to an International school too, and one of my kids is so posh. He has a very soft Irish accent, but as if he has been to elocution lessons, enunciation every 'ing' and saying 'please may I..?'. His teachers are mostly all English and he has picked up a lot of these speech patterns and even intonation.

My daughter has no discernable accent. Soft Irish seems to be skeleton but with the intonation of the local accent and a slight American twang. She pronounces her 'ing' with a Northern English hardness on the 'g'.

Both kids actually have the mannerisms of the locals and are a real hybrid of Irish and their local environment, despite being 100% Irish.

I absolutely love how they have a different identity to what I had growing up and have a unique story. We do tap our kids into their heritage as much as we can. Videos, stories, lots of sightseeing when we go home. You can't force them to adopt a culture that they don't feel is there's, but it will always be there for them when they do want it.

SaltyGod · 05/12/2023 08:24

I feel your pain, my 6yr old corrected my ‘bath’ to ‘Baath’ recently along with a ‘say it properly mummy’ We also have a long standing loo vs toilet battle going.

On a serious note I love that our children are confident (much more than I was at this age due to dire schooling), accepting of different people and happy, they fit in with their world. Whilst they love going back to my home, their home is a different one. That’s ok for me.

MrsMerryMistletoe · 05/12/2023 08:24

Does he say "Aye right"?

PuttingDownRoots · 05/12/2023 08:25

Accents are wierd. Some peoples change through life, others steadfastly stick to their birth one. Children gey theirs from their surroundings and parents. Values are picked up from your whole environment.

We brought up our kids on a variety of Army camps. They've picked up some strange skills (to the extent that a coach at DD2s rugby club picked her up as an Army kid within minutes... despite not living in a military area now) It wasntvDH and ne deliberately teaching them that stuff, it just happened around them.

And general knowledge... kids ask questions, parents answer. Mine know about Dr Who becausecI like Doctor Who. They know little about football as we aren't keen.

As for scones... I say it the Scottish way (Scon) while DH is scooone... and I'm the posher one of the two of us. But the important question is... jam or cream first?

Charlize43 · 05/12/2023 08:25

Have him call you 'marm' and bow in your presence. Insist that all his friends do the same and let him know that future girlfriends will be expected to curtsey. That should knock this nonsense out of him.

Simultaneously you need to educate him on his Scottish heritage: Get him watching reruns of Rab C. Nesbitt (all 67 episodes) and make regular trips to Glasgow to eat deep fried Mars Bars.

You can only hope that something good comes out somewhere from the middle of those two extremes.

Calmdown14 · 05/12/2023 08:26

Accents are funny things

I seem the bringing up two kids with Doric that at times I can barely understand! I blame grandad 🤣

OCDmama · 05/12/2023 08:27

The usual shite that people from the south are posh and anywhere north of Essex aren't 😒. I get so fed up of this.

There are plenty of posh Scots. And it seems that you've become one. Your son is posh and has that accent because he goes to a posh private school, and comes from a posh family.

I've lived internationally. You can't carry much of an accent (I've got a south London one, with short 'a' s because of northern parents) because people just won't understand you. You have to iron it out.

CatherinedeBourgh · 05/12/2023 08:27

highlandsabroad · 05/12/2023 08:05

Yes, I'm hoping it will be like that. I have been trying to share my values: enjoying the simpler things, voting Labour , recognising his privilege. And he can see there is some BS in it all ( I hope). But the glitz and glamour of some of the places DH / DH's family have taken him is probably quite appealing...

Show quote history

Glitz and glamour wears thin very fast when you were born into it. And some of the most miserable people I have ever known have their own jets, which takes the shine away considerably.

I've chosen a fairly simple life, my dc do have a lot of privilege but they enjoy the simpler things better than the glitz and glamour. And they really value the solid, loving family life they have above all else.

applebee33 · 05/12/2023 08:28

I moved to dh home county to set up home, had our daughter and off she went to school . My accent is quite distinct to my dh ( v obvious I'm not local ) so dd would come home at 5 yrs old saying the kids at school would crowd around and ask where are you from ?? Very puzzled as she was basically a miniature me. The very same accent even though she was born and bred locally. Now she's a teen and she speaks the same as all the locals and I'm still left with my original lilt 😂

Gnomegnomegnome · 05/12/2023 08:29

I think this is funny. Could you wake him up with bagpipes daily?

pizzaHeart · 05/12/2023 08:29

I think you are a bit naive about how posh is your DC’s life, it is posh. It’s not like he is attending state comprehensive near Bradford. His life, places he visits, people he meets all gravitates him towards certain life style which is more your DH.
As someone mentioned, would you take him to live somewhere rural at Scotland it would be a different story.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/12/2023 08:29

An ex boyfriend of mine, his DM was from Hampshire and his DF from Lancashire, both weren’t posh but his DF was in the army and they lived abroad, forces life until boyfriend went to a private boarding school at 11. He told me that to fit in he changed his Hampshire accent to a posh upper class one as soon as he started that school and he’s known for the accent ever since but it comes naturally. His DF wasn’t that impressed when he heard it apparently, being a straight up and down Lancashire man.

So I think children and especially teenagers can change accent to suit surroundings.

Actually when I was 14 I was sent to a private school from an all girls non private school and because everyone talked posh i obviously copied them. But DM was/is middle class so I think I already had a non working class accent. Growing up in SE London though with kids from all backgrounds I often tailored my accent to my surroundings. I don’t bother or care now and haven’t for years!

LolaSmiles · 05/12/2023 08:31

I should add, she said that when he was out of the room and as a joke - she loves him too but finds it funny he is turning out so like DH. She has two lovely little very Scottish kids!

I'm sure she does love him, but it's still a mean outlook and probably shows a chip on her shoulder. In some ways it's a similar outlook that you've expressed that's based on having an issue with poshness.

He's a product of his parents. You and DH have clearly been able to provide him with a lot of opportunities which will do him well for life. Even if it's joking, it seems mean to laugh at a child's expense for not being salt of the earth enough.

Chalkdowns · 05/12/2023 08:31

It doesn’t always work that the posher culture gets passed on. It’s about the mileu your child is growing up in. I’ve known examples of the exact opposite of your situation.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/12/2023 08:31

pizzaHeart · 05/12/2023 08:29

I agree with this statement, OP’s son’s life definitely sounds posh and privileged to me. If he chooses to take after/copy his DF he’s only really doing what comes naturally to him.

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 05/12/2023 08:31

Get him started on the Iron Bru

butterpuffed · 05/12/2023 08:32

I'm from the South East and have always said 'scon' , so do my friends and family . My ex would say 'have a butchers at those scons' , guess where he came from !!

IdealisticCynic · 05/12/2023 08:33

I feel your pain. I married an aristocrat (title but no stately home or vast wealth, sadly!) and I come from a lower middle class immigrant family. DH earns a good wage (much higher than mine) and consequently our child is growing up far richer and posher than I did.

DH is talking about buying DD a pony in a few years. What I find particularly troubling is that she sees this as totally normal!

Newwindows · 05/12/2023 08:33

This isn't a sign of 'posh' I'm from a very working class area of West Yorkshire with a strong accent and pronounce scone properly, like it's spelled 😂

I am so glad you said this - also working class West Yorkshire background with very flat vowels BUT we all said scone. Scon was considered very posh and affected in my terraced street.

Cornettoninja · 05/12/2023 08:33

Now I have that skit from horrible histories about Mary Queen of Scots stuck in my head - softly spoken French accent to broad Scot

IncompleteSenten · 05/12/2023 08:33

He's at an international school with lots of different people and he doesn't live in Scotland.

I'm a UK northerner and my husband is Kenyan. Our kids were born while we lived in Hemel Hempstead. They don't sound like either of us 😁

Whalewatchers · 05/12/2023 08:34

bungletru · 05/12/2023 07:59

I stopped reading after you said he voted Tory… yikes 🤣🤣🤣

Sure, didn't a greater proportion of people vote Tory for them to be in power? 🤔

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