Pregnant with a boy and upset

[Globenew]

I know IABU but I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way! I need some home truths and some advice if anyone else has felt this way.

I have a daughter already and have recently found out that pregnant with a baby boy. I feel awful about feeling this way but I am really upset. I have only ever wanted girls and so decided to stop at 1 when I got pregnant with a girl frost time.

This pregnancy caught us by surprise. I know that logically I am very lucky. But I don’t feel this way. My sister in law (we are married to brothers) has 2 daughters and we saw them at in laws on Saturday and it brought all the feelings back up again. (I have been trying to think positively and get over myself but now can’t stop thinking about it again)

I feel short changed. And like she has had it fall perfectly for her. My nieces were talking about how they’re Elsa and Anna and I felt so jealous for my DD. I also feel embarrassed because I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys. So now I look a fool.

No one seems as excited about my pregnancy and I feel like if it was a girl they would be.

I am not sure if I’m making much sense but it has helped to write it out.

How can I stop feeling this way.

Oh the joy of a boy. Boys get such a bad rap. I have 3 sons and they are the most wonderful human beings. They tell me they love me all the time and cuddle me daily. You will absolutely love having a son and a daughter.

I don't think you are awful at all. I knew I'd experience gender disappointment myself, so I didn't find out.
My SIL had a gender reveal party and she wasn't happy with the gender and it was unfortunately obvious.
Sorry I know that's unhelpful for you but it's one of the reasons I'm a believer in "team yellow".

You will love your little man once he's here. I've heard one of each is the best.
I have a little brother and as children we were very close and the best of friends. I can't imagine having a sister. Having different genders of children doesn't mean they won't get on or share common interests ,quite the opposite. You will find a way and get used to things and I bet in 2 years you won't remember what life was like without him.

I hope you are ok and can come to terms with how you feel.

tabbymctwat boys absolutely do not get a raw deal on MN. I have read countless comments about boys being more cuddly, affectionate, love their mums, simple teenage years etc . And conversely how difficult girls are as teenagers, stroppier more independent toddlers etc. Posters happy to share how they don't get along with their sisters. I've never seen such negative stereotypes about parenting a boy posted , if you can find any please share. I suspect there maybe more boy pregnancy regret posts , but then a lot of comments of how difficult girls are and how wonderful boys are. I haven't seen girl regret posts responded to with how much better girls are than boys, and boys supposed negative traits listed , it just wouldn't be tolerated.

I saw an adult son waking arm in arm with his mum recently. Looks like he had treated her to a trip to the theatre. I thought it would be so wonderful to have a son one day. Yes, daughters are wonderful too but we always hear about the mum and daughter stuff.

I have two girls and a boy. In my experience my boy has been the most affectionate, he's about to turn 11 and adores me. He's so polite, laid back and easy natured and has never given me hassle or back chat where the girls were very head strong and determined and wanting to argue as soon as they could talk. Be thankful you are having a healthy baby.

I just had my first baby (boy). I was surprised at how disappointed I was at the 16 week gender scan- I had all these silly pre conceived expectations of what a girl would be and what a boy wouldn’t be. He’s 2 months old now and I am genuinely scared at how deeply I love him. You will love him just as much when he is born I am sure.

Also I will say that when I was pregnant I was a bit concerned about the idea of having a girl because of me.

I was worried that, particularly as a woman who is probably a bit on the spectrum and has generally found it easier to operate more bluntly than a lot of women find acceptable, I might a) struggle to parent a girly girl (in hindsight this was just 'any sensitive child' really), b) I may have a lot more subconscious baggage about I'd have to be doubly careful not to inflict on a daughter. I'd also be far more anxious about they way the world might treat a daughter, probably just because I know too much about how the world treats women in general.

Nowadays I think I'd be fine with either but it can be a complicated prospect, so no judgement from me about jitters.

I always worried about that too OP. Always wanted girls. Struggled to imagine how I’d even relate to a boy. Didn’t know which we were having.

Im happy to say that it has been wonderful. I’m so surprised. I love him so much and he’s so much fun.

Hopefully it will be the same for you.

All I ever wanted was a boy. I was 42 when I first got pregnant and the joy when I found out he was a boy was almost overwhelming.

He is now 3 and is the most wonderful little boy imaginable. I'd recommend it to anyone!

See Soubriquet and Stickystickystick posted at the same time as me. We have the old trope of boys cuddle more and tell me they love me every day and the confidence to say " I never felt that rush of love for my daughter " It just never happens the other way around.

Seriously? You've never seen any negative stereotypes of parenting boys? All the posters complaining about boisterous boys, how they are raised to exhibit "toxic masculinity", how teen boys are thugs, nasty to teen girls, aggressive.... really? You've seen none of this? Have you been looking at a different site?

My little boy is the most loving and affectionate bean I've ever met. I've never felt so loved and adored in my life, despite having a very wonderful husband. It is a pure and unconditional love like no other.

Unfortunately we weren't unable to have more, three miscarriages was all i could bear to go through. I thank my lucky stars every day i was given the gift of one child who is happy and healthy and who I adore. I hate to say it but you should look at what you do have and not what you think you don't have. Especially as you already have a girl.

I was one of 5, my best friend was my younger brother growing up! (Although I get on well with all my siblings, very lucky).

I have boy girl twins aged 15. They got on brilliantly as little ones, and have always done so especially on family holidays and trips. The do bicker a bit these days like all siblings - but if one goes away they really miss each other.

It'll be fine. As PPs have said the minute your little boy arrives you will love him regardless, and as time goes by you'll appreciate the boy things. They are often less complicated (especially as teenagers) and hopefully you'll have two lovely kids who complement each other.

It's OK to acknowledge that you think you would have liked another girl - but be prepared to laugh yourself silly at that in a year's time. And never let him know how you felt, albeit briefly......

I have 2 boys and one girl. I love them all the same, I parented them all the same... the only difference I've come cross is periods and the hormonal emotions that go with them! My boys absolutely were more straightforward in that respect 😂

@allgood3 you seem to have a bee in your bonnet about this. The gender disappointment threads are mostly about being disappointed about boys. Do you not then think it's understandable that you see more posts explaining the joy of boys as reassurance to expectant parents who are struggling with gender disappointment regarding having a boy? Everything in my post is true regarding my experience of boys. It's strange that you have decided to highlight my positive post as a negative.

My DC were born in the 90s. It was rare then to find out the sex but possible. DC1 was a surprise, a boy. Somehow I expected a girl but by the time I got pregnant with DC2 I knew overwhelmingly that I wanted another boy.
So I decided to find out the sex so that if it was a girl I would have time to overcome any feelings of disappointment before the birth. It was a boy.

You have time now to come to terms with it. You will love your boy and he will bring you great joy. The difficult bits will probably be different and at different ages but the pleasure will be forever.

@Globenew this was me. Ds is now 1 and I often laugh to myself at ever wishing he had been a girl. Can’t imagine it not being ds.

There have been a few posts like this being anti-boy lately. I just don't get it. I have 5 healthy sons and wouldn't change a thing.

I wanted girls and have all daughters and no sons. They are wonderful, but a couple of points to consider.

1. There is sibling rivalry, sometimes I think more than there would be with one of each . I can't have a shopping day with "my special girl" like I could if I just had one daughter.

1. I work with reception age children. Four/five year old boys are just adorable!

Congratulations and enjoy your lovely growing family 💐

My second is a boy and he's just so lovely and affectionate and my daughter loves him to bits. She said she wanted a sister when I was pregnant but is now so happy to have a brother, she loves him so much. My brother died last year but he was my best pal and we were really close. noone protects you like a brother.

Fantastic stereotyping there!

What if he isn't sporty and doesn't "bond well" with her husband?

Why not suggest this little human will be a joyful addition to their family however he turns out - and her daughter might well love him to absolute pieces the way I love and adore MY younger brother?

I think part of the issue is that people have such weird and entrenched ideas of what boys and girls are like. I'm aware that some women will never have had men who are close friends, didn't hang out with boys when they were at school, may not have had brothers and may have only really had exposure to the "boys will be boys, take them out and exercise them a lot" stereotypes.

I kind of want to find the photo of my eldest boy dressed as Elsa aged 4 for you, OP.

I've got two boys who are primary/early secondary. They are incredibly different people, love each other fiercely, and their combined interests currently include:

• musical theatre (performing, watching, belting out show tunes in the street)
• football
• inventing imaginary worlds
• reading
• drawing
• learning to sew to make Granny a Christmas present
• drums, guitar and violin
• chess and board games
• dance
• Lego
• More reading (eldest boy surprised me in the last few years by developing an Agatha Christie love, but is currently getting me to re-read E Nesbit
• arguing - they're getting really good at it
• nipping down to the shops to buy me a coffee when I was poorly
• making me a 'fancy' lunch when still poorly (starter was sourdough with olive oil and balsamic bless them, I was full of cold and couldn't taste a thing.)
• baking
• basketball
• roller skating
• hiking.
• stuffed animals and still once in a while playing with the dolls' house which I am NOT allowed to sell.

My boys have taught me that, in the wise words of Pete from the Muppets Take Manhattan, peoples is peoples. You'll learn them, they'll learn you, and you'll go places you never dreamed of with your boys just as you have with your girl.

A girl and a boy and your complaining.. I know gender disappointment is a thing but seriously .I have no nice words for you !

If it helps, my two boys also talk about how they are Elsa and Anna...

OP - I am not going to give you a hard time, but you are worrying about something that really REALLY will not matter once you meet your DS

You are also fixating on a very specific moment in time 'Elsa and Anna' - the cutsie, matching ribbon years are very short. I have a DD and a DS. They are 18 months apart and actual best friends. DD (19) is at Uni and they facetime every single day just because they crack each other up so much. They know each other better than anyone and have each others back like no one else. I don't know if that would work with the dynamics of two girls - I mean it might - but their differences are the making of their closeness.

It makes our home feel really balanced as well.

And fwiw - DD is a bloody handful. Gorgeous but high drama and high maintenance. DS is my gentle ray of sunshine and like so many boys - so thoughtful and attuned to my feelings and his DDads. We feel very blessed to have one of each and you will too.

Worry if you must - but you'll look back on this and wondered why you were so upset, you really will.