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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

438 replies

onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:16

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

OP posts:
NotTerfNorCis · 04/12/2023 00:14

Not read full thread, sorry.

But, isn't bringing the cat into a strange environment with people it doesn't know also cruel? Our cat would hate it. He'd rather be left alone on his own turf. Cats are highly territorial.

ilovesooty · 04/12/2023 00:22

Zwellers · 03/12/2023 23:42

Just leave the back door open.

Another one. Some people really have despicable attitudes to animal welfare. It's not the cat's fault it's being taken to an unfamiliar environment.

Tiiredofthiss · 04/12/2023 00:26

YABU - it's your responsibility to teach your children how to behave around animals. Put them in highchairs for Christmas dinner.
The cat couldn't be left home for that length of time, catteries and pet sitters are booked up for Christmas ages in advance, and the cat would get stressed (which can lead to medical emergencies in cats) and/or cause damage if locked away in one room.

LdnAnna · 04/12/2023 00:33

Ugh. People who compare their pets to children are the worst.

If they can’t put it out of the way for a bit surely they can agree to help keep an eye on it, so it’s not all on you? It’s not an unreasonable request seeing as it’s a potentially vicious cat.

in reality I imagine the cat will stay well away from noisy children!

Gingerbee · 04/12/2023 01:11

https://kingdomvets.co.uk/cat-scratch-disease/
The above is not my vet but a good source .

Saying a scratch or bite isn't serious is silly.
Years ago my local vet had to give up practice due to a really bad reaction the the bacterium in Cat Scratch Disease.

Feel sorry for the cat being dragged to PIL house. It puts a great deal of stress on an already traumatised cat.

I hope PIL and DH will be on alert too.
If you are dealing with one child you can't be in total control of the other.

I would be tempted to book a hotel so you could escape so all can relax . Spend most the day there but go back to the room and get some rest.
Under the circumstances I believe that you and DH should not drink alcohol so you are both alert.

Hope you can all work it out and have a good Christmas

Cat scratch disease – Kingdom Veterinary Clinic

https://kingdomvets.co.uk/cat-scratch-disease

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 01:16

YABVU. Supervise your kids and you won't have a problem. Ffs.

crumblingschools · 04/12/2023 01:23

Has the cat travelled before?

SkySecret · 04/12/2023 01:24

You’re not more important than your SIL, especially to her own parents. Good learning opportunity here one way or another for you or your kids. Or both.

EtiennePalmiere · 04/12/2023 01:46

How cruel of your SIL to uproot the cat, they hate travelling. However, if the room is big enough and they have their box etc I don't see why they wouldn't be fine there for a bit. There's been another thread like this recently I think with the SIL, maybe with a restaurant meal ?

Urgenthelplease · 04/12/2023 01:57

Sorry but being hissed at isn't exactly dangerous. If they don't want to get scratched they also can't pet a cat and I think it's fair to teach them that ie. remove them if they get close. Cats do not attack at random, only when provoked.

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 02:11

SkySecret · 04/12/2023 01:24

You’re not more important than your SIL, especially to her own parents. Good learning opportunity here one way or another for you or your kids. Or both.

Good point.

lovinglaughingliving · 04/12/2023 02:15

Well for a start your SIL does not care very much about the welfare of her cat if she's uprooting it. It will be exceptionally stressed, everyone knows cats like familiarity and routine.
Secondly, don't worry OP we have a very grumpy cat and as soon as he hisses, my kids scarper but he tends to stay upstairs out of the way of them these days because they're loud (6&4) in one of the nice warm bedrooms. He comes down and protests loudly for his food twice a day, then comes back to my bed and goes in and out my bedroom window. He swipes at the puppy the most because she tries and tells him whose boss, but has been known to cuddle up with older dog 😂 oh and he's currently led on my back as good as gold!
Cats are weirdos! 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

lovinglaughingliving · 04/12/2023 02:18

Urgenthelplease · 04/12/2023 01:57

Sorry but being hissed at isn't exactly dangerous. If they don't want to get scratched they also can't pet a cat and I think it's fair to teach them that ie. remove them if they get close. Cats do not attack at random, only when provoked.

Unless they're poorly, our cat has feline hyperthesia syndrome.. makes him a very grumpy cat at time who just goes wild!

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 04/12/2023 03:00

Your sister in law is bonkers. The whole point about cats is that they don't have to be taken everybloodywhere.

everythingthelighttouches · 04/12/2023 03:17

If my toddler was walking/ baby was cruising near a very grumpy cat that wouldn’t move, I’d just shoo it down/away myself. Just gently push it off the sofa (use a cushion if you are worried about being scratched).

But honestly, a nervous rescue cat in a strange house at Christmas is going to scarper the minute it hears the sound of young children.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/12/2023 03:24

@onesleepyma Has this cat visited PIL home before?

If this is the first time then the chances of anyone seeing the cat are next to nil, the cat will be hiding somewhere. You can't really judge the behaviour of the cat in a new context, on its behaviour in a familiar location - though it is unlikely to become more relaxed/confident!

Bloody stupid to stress the cat out by taking it, but its not your house, not your daughter, not your cat etc etc.

All you can do is manage your children, or, not take them. Those are the things you are in control of, you decide which option is most acceptable to you - but other peoples houses will be full of things small children should not touch and will want to touch. Navigating that is part of parenting.

Its likely this won't happen again as theres a very high chance cat will not only hide, but will piss all over their house and won't be invited back!

Jowak1 · 04/12/2023 03:36

I have a rescue cat and wouldn't dream of taking her away from home and her surroundings. We always use a cat sitter who is brilliant. She comes in plays with her, feeds her and changes her litter box. Well worth it to see the photos she sends me of Beatrix happy in her own home while I enjoy family time away. Cats don't know it's Christmas!! Bad idea to take the cat but that's just my opinion.

Codlingmoths · 04/12/2023 03:48

Will your dh take one hour on one hour off and you eat your Christmas meal first? Otherwise he can refuse to discuss all he likes but maybe you don’t go. If he will be fair then you go, but you also say if you aren’t doing minimum half of the constant monitoring children within arms length then I’m packing them up and heading home after one night. Bugger staying 3 if you’re having a horrible time while he enjoys Christmas. But maybe also the cat wont be as territorial in someone else’s house? If the cat is actually threatening your dc you say firmly I wouldn’t let another grandchild attack my child and the same goes for pets, they can’t be in the same room. Does that mean we need to leave?

Paddington98 · 04/12/2023 04:47

So the cat has no history of hurting anyone, just hissing sometimes? You are being so dramatic and quite ridiculous.
That said, she should get a cat sitter rather than uprooting the cat as it will hate it. But seriously try to calm down.

Indeedindeed24 · 04/12/2023 04:55

I have an unsociable cat, I then had a child - my child learnt to leave our cat alone. Why are you making such a big deal out of it? Just remove your child when it gets near the cat, distract the child with other things - it's a house cat not a tiger. Also the cat will most likely remove itself because it will be terrified of these small creatures who move differently from other humans it has encountered.

greencheetah · 04/12/2023 05:04

Honestly OP you sound ridiculous

ChaniceKobolowski · 04/12/2023 05:56

DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH.

Yes, it’s called being a parent and it’s not 24/7 unless no one including the cat sleeps during the stay.

Sausage1989 · 04/12/2023 06:08

You or your husband have to watch kids that young all the time anyway so just make sure you're responsible parents and start teaching your kids to be respectful of animals. It's not a big deal. It's only a cat. I would understand if it was an XL Bully but c'mon.

Muchof · 04/12/2023 06:46

You don’t understand cats clearly. An unfriendly cat will stay out of your way. Problem solved.

Stickytreacle · 04/12/2023 08:33

betterangels · 03/12/2023 21:27

You're visiting. Make sure your kids don't go near the cat. That's your responsibility.

This.