Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

438 replies

onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:16

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

OP posts:
Traceyislivid · 03/12/2023 23:25

Toddlers are rough little gits. Just let the kids at it. The himeji cat will never be seen again.

SharSharBinks · 03/12/2023 23:26

It's a cat not an XL bully. 😂

SpringViolet · 03/12/2023 23:26

Our cat was hilarious when we moved house. I kept her shut in the garage for a few days while we were moving stuff around and then brought her in for a bit each day, when she came in she’d slink around on the ground commando style, then frantically run behind the sofa at the slightest noise. She was totally disoriented and she’s a tough night prowler outside cat.

Really unfair to to put a cat through that for the sake of a few days and at Christmas when there will be more noise, smells and people than at any other time. A couple of litter trays and an automatic pet feeder would be kinder if there was no one to come in to feed it for a few nights.

Coyoacan · 03/12/2023 23:29

In my experience, cats are gentle with small children, but as others have said, a scratch is not the end of the world

QueenOfMOHO · 03/12/2023 23:34

If she really loved her cat, she wouldn't subject it to a load of unfamiliar people in an unfamiliar environment. Especially given it's history, the poor thing.

QueenOfMOHO · 03/12/2023 23:35

High chance it will escape as well, someone will leave a door or window open.

Bluestripeddress · 03/12/2023 23:37

Cats hiss because they’re scared, not because they’re nasty! Grow up.

ActDottie · 03/12/2023 23:40

Floralnomad · 03/12/2023 21:26

Stop being a drama llama , it’s a cat not a tiger .

Haha best comment!

So much drama over a car

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/12/2023 23:41

19lottie82 · 03/12/2023 21:22

My cat would go bonkers if you locked it in a room. Its cruel.

teach your kids not to annoy the cat.

You can't teach an 11m year old
Anything!

ScandiNoirNuit · 03/12/2023 23:41

You are being overly dramatic OP! Highly likely the cat will take refuge somewhere quiet away from loads of other people and unfamiliar surroundings. Last time it hissed at you, you were on its home turf, this time I doubt it will be so brazen. And being hissed at by a cat is hardly the end of the world!

However, your SIL is BU for bringing the cat away with her, it is likely to be far happier in its own home with a pet feeder, plus less hassle for everyone else.

Zwellers · 03/12/2023 23:42

Just leave the back door open.

Delphinium20 · 03/12/2023 23:43

I love cats, but they can and do scratch small children - a cat is a much bigger animal to toddlers than to us adults. Your SIL sounds really weird and your PILs should put seeing their grandkids over accommodating their grown daughter's bizarre need to bring the cat to Christmas. Thank goodness it's not a large dog (and it may stay out of sight), but it sounds like Christmas will be miserable for you following the kids at such close quarters - if your PIL and DH don't apologize to you after seeing that - well, then you have a DH problem.

TheNestedIf · 03/12/2023 23:44

My grandparents had a very grumpy cat. She was an absolute legend who lived to the age of 21. I don't remember any of us 6 grandchildren ever getting hissed at or scratched. She mostly stayed out of our way, and whilst we were allowed to stroke friendly cats we were taught that we were to leave her alone. She would occasionally let us stroke her when we got older, if we asked politely and she was in a good mood. My aunt and uncle's large dog learned not to bother her the hard way. The dog only had to be told once.

I think it's a terrible idea to take the cat, but you're not in control of that. Threatening to stay home is a massive overreaction. As others have said, the cat will probably just hide, but also it's a good idea to keep reinforcing to the toddler they should respect other creatures' feelings and that this particular cat doesn't want to play. If it hisses, that's a positive as you have a clear indication the cat is upset and not to go any closer.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/12/2023 23:44

It's your DH you is insisting you
Go, so he needs to be responsible for being
'On' the baby at all times the baby needs to be within arms reach so he can protect it
From the cat. This is what I've insisted my ex
Does when he takes our similar age baby to
His parents house as they have a
Very nasty cat
(Pretends to be nice and acts like it wants a stroke then scratches hard) as I'm
Scared of baby being scratched

BalloonSalesperson · 03/12/2023 23:48

There is a big chance the cat will remove itself from the room

Especially a room with 2 children in it!

Floooooof · 03/12/2023 23:49

Poor cat is probably going to be horribly stressed out by the whole thing. Its cruel really. Your sil sounds nuts.

Lizzieregina · 03/12/2023 23:49

The poor cat will probably be horrified to be taken away from its comfort zone. Your SIL would be wise to leave her cat at home and get a cat sitter to pop in a few times.

If she is selfish enough to bring her cat, I think it’ll be hiding away from everyone and your kids will be fine.

Copperoliverbear · 03/12/2023 23:54

Maybe all lock yourself in the sitting room and let the cat roam the rest of the house. X

Whatafliberty · 03/12/2023 23:58

Take s large pet crate with you with appropriate toys. Then put your children I it.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/12/2023 00:02

Your DH doesn't care because it doesn't affect him because he'll not be the one bothering to supervise his own children. He also cares more about his SIL than his own children's safety.

Cats can give a child nasty scratches, they can also bite. People have died after this due to a bacteria they can carry.

I would not risk it, your DH can go play happy families if he wants, but if I were you, I'd either stay home with the children or go to your family (if that's an option).

This will be a nightmare for you as you won't be able to take your eyes off the children to even go pee. Your husband doesn't make all of the decisions, or at least he shouldn't, so you make the decision here what you want to do as you appear to be the only one in this family with your children's best interests at the forefront.

All the best @onesleepyma

Ifellasleep · 04/12/2023 00:05

You need to talk to her and help her with research on how much cats hate travelling. It’s obviously an anxious cat and absolutely won’t cope. It would be much much much kinder for kitty to be home with a visitor to feed. I have a bundle of the buggers and they love company but I would not take them away for Christmas - they have a twice daily visitor instead. And mine are best friends with everyone.

Also it sounds like you could have been in between the cat and the door so it had no escape. Or it’s a crazy spoiled cat.

GodspeedJune · 04/12/2023 00:05

Yabu. The cat won’t want anything to do with your young children, it will probably scarper in their wake.

I don’t know why you take issue with her saying her cat is what your children are to you. It likely is a precious part of her life if she hasn’t got a family.

WhatNoUsername · 04/12/2023 00:06

The cat will be off its home turf and will v likely be freaked and will keep out of everyone's way. V odd decision to take the cat. Cats don't like to be moved about.

caringcarer · 04/12/2023 00:07

I'd stay at a b and B close by. The cat will be more stressed than you or your DC will be. Keep the DC away from the cat. You will have to put yourself in-between the cat and DC.

wobblyweasel · 04/12/2023 00:12

My grandmother had a cat when we were very young. A most malevolent ball of hissy fur, if you looked at it, it would explode with indignant rage. My siblings and I were aged 2,4, 8 & 9. The cat had the run of the house, and we very quickly learnt to avoid it. I think your DC would be the same,