To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

[onesleepyma]

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

Being hissed at by a cat hurts nobody, not even a toddler. The cat will avoid a toddler like the plague, unless it is cornered and can’t escape. You will need to make sure this doesn’t happen by supervising your children. The cat is highly unlikely to make an unprovoked attack (although I survived my childhood with a cat who sometimes did just that) just manage the situation sensibly.

Isn't it simpler to decline instead of using a cat as an excuse?

It's either that or its like some people need to do this attention seeking putting their stamp on a group, like a toddler tantrum where they are looking for attention?

I don't understand why you're worried about not being to eat. Your children will be high chairs, surely? What exactly are you worried about?

I wouldn't stop watching her but could let her cruise along sofas (with a carpet, no sharp edges) whilst I enjoyed a cuppa 2m away.
this is what it boils down to, you don't want to be watching DC, surely in a different home most of us wouldn't have eyes off them, too many new things to find.
You sound entitled and ridiculous.

Had anyone even been scratched by the cat? It just sounds a bit dramatic I'm sure it will all be fine.

The SIL taking her cat to Xmas lunch is strange (and I wouldn't think great for the cat, though I have known cats who didn't mind being taken to other people's homes, and maybe the cat has been to this house before).

But the OP's hysteria and potentially causing a family drama over the cat maybe hissing at her child is much, much stranger. Children throughout the years have been hissed at by cats and sometimes even scratched - I was once such a child - and that's how we learn.

The cat won’t go anywhere near your toddlers. I doubt you’ll see it the whole time.

I remember that thread. Nasty thread it was. There are definitely similarities in how the OP writes.

If the cat is anything like all other cats, it'll be scared being away from its home, so will likely go and hide somewhere. Especially if there's two screaming small people about.

My own cats wouldn't go near my DS. He was too loud for them. It's only now he's five that they'll go near him.

The cat won't be territorial of the sofa if it isn't his sofa in his home.

Also, it's a cat. DS has been hissed at and scratched the odd few times. So have I. No big deal.

If it was a dog I'd understand your point. But I think YABU.

SIL should probably leave the cat at home because I think the cat would prefer that but if she choses not to then it's really no big deal. You're being precious.

This - how very precious.
And cats rarely just attack for no reason. If you leave it alone, it will probably leave you alone, unless it is a savage who attacks on sight!

Look the cat in the eyes, then close your eyes slowly for a few seconds. This will show the cat that you aren’t threatening.

Tell your kids that they aren’t to go near the cat.

It’s weird to take a cat to someone else’s house. Bound to make the cat’s behaviour worse.

if visiting the owner in their (and cats) home, then you can’t insist it gets locked away anywhere. Cat can hiss, it’s not dangerous, it’s a warning to leave them alone and your kids would do well to learn that, they are old enough.

Take some dreamies and chuck a few in the cats general direction

I think it's daft to take a cat to somebody else's house, but if that's going to happen then agree with PPs, the cat will avoid you.

But a smattering of dreamies here and there, will keep it sweet and distracted

It’s weird to take a cat to someone else’s house. Bound to make the cat’s behaviour worse.

And massively upset the cat. This is not something you should ever do with a traumatised rescue.

Poor cat.

SIL isn’t willing to lock the cat away, and your in laws aren’t going to force her to. So it’s now on you whether you choose to take your child or not, given that you can’t enforce your preferences.

and yes, her cat is clearly important to her, just as your child is important to you. You may think your child should mean more to her, but it doesn’t, so…🤷🏻‍♀️

People saying 'it's just a cat'... some cats are bastards!

My mum had an indoor cat. Had him from a kitten, he had no trauma. He was never mistreated, he was loved and petted and treated well at all times.

He was a total mean little fucker! We used to call him the attack cat. He'd come to you all sweet looking for a fuss, lie down for you to rub his belly and love it for a few minutes. Then all of a sudden he'd wrap all of his legs around your arm, dig his claws in/scratch and bloody bite you! I've got scars!

He'd also sit on the sofa and swipe to scratch you as you walked past, and wait outside bedroom doors to pounce and bite your feet when you emerged.

Nothing helped - he was neutered, he had all the sprays and plug ins in case he was anxious, my mum tried everything to make him nicer. Nothing worked, he was just a little shit.

No one was bothered when it was the adults going to her house because we could look after ourselves. Once I had my babies though I insisted that my mum shut the cat upstairs when we visited. She didn't like it - it too, was her 'baby' and 'he'd never hurt little ones he knows better they can sense it'.

Told her that was fine, we wouldn't visit at her house then, and I meant it. She could come to us instead but I wasn't having my tiny kids around that feral beast.

She did shut him out in the end for grandchildren visits (were local so it was never overnights) and he lived to a ripe old age very happily.

OP your SIL is batshit. I don't think you're OTT, a 2.5 year old can be starting to learn 'leave the cat well alone' but a cruising 11 month old can't they're just a bloody baby! Yes of course you'll need to be watching your children regardless - I'm sure you do that at home too - but unless the cat is either not there or shut away you're going to spend your visit on pins.

Shame your DH is so wussy. So time for you not to be - just tell them (including your DH) no. Should you have to? Nope, DH should. But he won't, and these people are your family too, so you'll need to. Either the cat doesn't go (or is shut away sensibly) or you're not going. It's sad that your SIL doesn't have children if she wants them, but regardless, she and others don't get to put an animal over a tiny child's welfare. It's mental.

I love cats btw. I even loved my mums utterly psychotic one, I cried when he had to be put to sleep when he was 15. But I'd still choose keeping babies and toddlers out of harms way over any pet.

Also I hope your PILs realise if this cat is anxious/scared as it's likely to be in a strange house with babies/toddlers who make noise then it'll probably wee anywhere and everywhere even if it's usually trained. They do it when they're anxious and marking territory and it absolutely STINKS. Trying to get cat wee out of carpets etc is no easy task, it's foul.

Assuming that 11 month old babies are able to understand such instructions, and comply fully, of course.

Seriously?

Poor cat. Your sister in law is mad to take it away to a strange house full of strange people for several days. It will probably just want to hide, or worse, escape. So if she does this hopefully every one will be very careful about opening and shutting doors.

I gave a very useful tip for the OP. Once the cat realises she isn’t threatening, it might calm down a bit.

The 11 month old should be moved every time they go near the cat.

Since the OP and her family have reached an impasse on this, I thought useful information might be better than picking at other posters.

For context, I volunteer with rescue cats.

Cars generally hate being taken to another house, is this the first time your sil has done this? I suspect the cat will hide or try and run away

The 24/7 thing ground my gears too.

Cats famously sleep a lot.

Kids also have naps.

And eat.

Cots, playpens, high chairs, mealtimes and other humans all exist to help with the windows when both children and cat are awake in the same room, if at all.

Everything from mugs of coffee, the Christmas lights, and the gravy on the table etc are hazards to little kids so vigilance will be required for large chunks of the time.

If the cat wasn't there this exact same vigilance would still be required.

But not 24/7.

And not because of a flipping cat.

I definitely agree with this.

I am a bit surprised about SIL taking the cat (most cats don’t do well with drastic changes of scenery, but there are some exceptions) but it is for your in-laws to decide whether they want the cat or not.

The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). is your in-laws house child proof? Wouldn’t you need to watch your toddlers 24/7 (well, whenever they’re awake and mobile) an any way?

I'm shocked how many people are saying the sister in law shouldn't take her cat - I'm sure if it was going to stress the cat out then she wouldn't be planning to do it.
My cats travel fine, it doesn't stress them out as long as I am with them, and they certainly wouldn't start peeing outside the litter tray as some people have suggested. They have moved house with me many times, they've been to my parents when necessary and they've been chill the whole time. They don't hide away or act up at all, although they will leave the room if an excited dog or loud toddler gets near them, I don't usually let them get too close anyway - I'll move the cat or the dog/toddler away if I see one is getting too close to the other.
Not all cats are the same, I'm sure SIL knows her cat and has considered what will be best for her cat.