To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

[onesleepyma]

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

YANBU. As a dog owner whose dogs are my world, I would make sure they were contained safely if they posed a risk to children. It would be crazy not to.

If I were your SIL, I'd either be staying elsewhere with my cat to make sure the cat wasn't stressed and the visiting kids were safe, or would have a plan to contain the cat for the safety of both cat and kids. Yes, your kids will need to learn how to behave around other people's pets, but at Christmas when their excitement will be high they just won't be able to focus on that as well as seeing their family, opening presents, coping with new surroundings etc. It's common sense, there are some bloody-minded idiots on this thread who seem to have scant regard for the safety and wellbeing of both cat and kids.

Just don't put your kids at risk if the cat is aggresive when unsettled, as it obviously will be in a new house with a load of people that it isn't usually around. It sounds like the cat is visiting your PILs house as much as you and your kids are, and your SIL needs to take that into account.

Surely it will be upsetting for the cat to be away from its home with a bunch of strangers, I don’t think she’s being a responsible cat owner at all. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want your young children to be safe from harm especially as they don’t really understand yet.

Put a temporary stair gate at the bottom of the stairs. The cat then has a safely bolt hole and will more than likely take itself off with two noisy toddlers around. If all else fails, buy the elder child a tin whistle (or bath time one) from Santa and you won’t see the cat for dust.

Who takes a cat to visit someone else? Cats are territorial and like their own familiar spaces. I've had two cats for years and have never once contemplated taking them to visit anyone else, it's ridiculous.

So your SIL is bringing her cat with her to her parents house?

Well no wonder he's grumpy. How far away is your SIL's house? Surely it's a lot less traumatic for the poor cat to be left at home for a few hours / even the whole day?

Personally I am happy to lock my cats in when I have to (when I have workmen in for example) and I'd keep them closed in if guests really couldn't tolerate them but mine are dopey, lazy sods who are happy to be shut in a room with food, water and a litter tray,

Similar situation here but with my SILs 2/3 year old German shepherd who is still mouthing and wouldn’t leave my DSs alone last Christmas. I’ve caused WW3 by asking to meet up for lunch rather than at their home and SIL has taken it very personally.

Im sorry it’s turned sour, but no way was I going to experience what happened last Christmas and just be constantly hounded by an under exercised massive dog who mouths hands and arms still.

And we have two cats - I would totally keep them in a separate room / rooms for a while if a visitor asked. Totally cruel to move a cat to a new house for the day. Will stress the cat out massively.

This. The cat will see your children coming and vote with its feet.

No cat likes toddlers. My cats avoid vistors at any costs and now all my nephews are teenagers, the cats are still are anti social! I just normally tell the boys to stay out of bedrooms as thats where the cats hide, but no you cannot tell her to lock the cat away

I’d be more worried about the havoc the cat will wreak upon the Christmas tree than the kids! Cats are good at staying out of the way of noisy or busy places, especially when out of their own environment. Christmas trees on the other hand are the enemy and must be destroyed at all costs... 😁🎄🐈

Yes OP. Just tell your baby not to go near the cat - I'm sure they'll understand 😂.

I don't think the cat is as much of a hazard as you think it is, but I completely disagree with people who think you can never relax with young children. There are degrees of relaxation. I would never let my DC at those ages out of my sight, but there's supervising from the sofa (which you can do in a fairly child-safe house) and intervening when you see danger, and then there's what I call "swimming-pool" levels of supervision - hovering within arm's length of the child the whole time ready to scoop them up, get in between them and danger or bat their hand away in an instant.

I would always supervise my children in someone else's house, but I'm afraid my limit for "swimming-pool" supervision is a couple of hours as it's too exhausting. My in-laws used to live in a house with multiple levels with steep steps in between, hard flagstone floors, stone stairs with slippy carpets and lots of "stuff". When DC were tiny, I used to retreat to our carpeted room with some toys and barricade the door after a while, or take them out somewhere, as that house was just an accident waiting to happen and I'd have to strap the DC into the pushchair to go to the loo.

The cat will most likely try and avoid your kids by the sound of it! Particularly if she is a new home which she isn't used to.
Don't overthink!
Also an important lesson to know for your older child to leave pets alone and I assume you won't let younger child out of your eyesight....thinking ag3 and Christmas tree etc.
It will be fine!

The cat won't necessarily just avoid you all. My friend has a rescue cat with issues and trauma who behaves similarly; she will hiss/growl/swipe if she feels someone is getting too close to her or my friend. It's a mix of insecurity and protectiveness over my friend.
I don't think the SIL should bring the cat to her parents' house in the first place; it will likely be unsettling. People are very silly and ignorant about pets sometimes, though, and I suspect she wouldn't listen if someone tried to say that to her.
TBH I'd probably just not go. But I don't like Christmas gatherings with my family and tend not to do them, which I do realise is not necessarily a good or a usual thing.

Well, you can’t go, can you. It’s not reasonable to expect that the cat should be confined to one room for three days, it’s not realistic to expect that your small children won’t chase it, and you can’t leave them at home alone for three days. Therefore the cat and the children can’t be in the same house. Just explain that reasonably, and make it clear that you aren’t trying to manipulate anyone or suggest that anyone’s being unreasonable.

YABU. That cat will be getting as far away from your kids as possible! And at that age, you do need to make sure someone has an eye on the kids at all times. It doesn't mean you won't be able to sit down, but they shouldn't be out of sight for more than a minute.

Just re-read and seen that it’s not the cat’s home. Cats are not like dogs or children, you can’t cart them around visiting with you. Your SiL is mad and not a good cat owner.

This is really not as much of an issue as you think. Any time I have taken a cat to a new location it has spent the first few days hiding under a bed. You will probably not see grumpy cat at all.

Of goodness that poor cat!!
it’s a great opportunity to teach kids to be kind and respect animals

DSIL is being unreasonable, she should put the cat in a cattery or have a neighbour pop in and feed while she is gone. The cat will be far more stressed in someone else's house with unfamiliar sounds and smells. Seems to me she is doing this for herself and not the cat.

Kinder for the cat to stay home. Poor thing

How do you all manage to keep your kids away from danger if you can’t keep them away from a cat that won’t want to be anywhere near them anyway?

This.

Whilst the best place for the cat is to be left at home in it's safe space, I really don't see the big issue with it being in the house. It won't want to be anywhere near your little darlings. Presumably at least one adult will be watching them at all times anyway?

I am very big on animal safety around kids but I am sorry I suspect you are annoyed that your hubby's family give so much credit to this cat. One minute you are saying this cat is unfriendly "seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near" and the next minute you are implying the cat is going to be close to a noisy toddler and you need to be at arm's length. If a cat is unfriendly they are not going to be going near your children. If your children are going near the cat the cat can get away must faster than a toddler. According to you, your 11 month old leans on furniture to walk - not exactly going to catch up with a cat even with the best will in the world. If you are sitting down for lunch I am guessing your kids are sitting down too. A cat hissing at your kids while unpleasant won't harm them - its the risk of them being scratch and I really can't see how a cat you describe as being unfriendly is not going to hiss first before any child gets a chance to risk petting them and being scratched.

100% this @Pippik i foster cats & they feel more secure in a smaller room for the first few days while they adjust to a new house. Safer anyway in case a front or back door is left open & the cat escapes or someone opens a steamy kitchen window & the scared cat does a runner. A cat who hisses a lot feels threatened & shouldn't be free-roaming round a strange house during such a busy time anyway. Madness