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Original poster

Spending Xmas apart. Is this a thing?

119 replies

Xmasq · 03/12/2023 20:41

Talking about Xmas plans with colleagues the other day and a colleague said she'd never spent Xmas with her husband, they both just go and stay with respective families and have the day there.

They've been married 5 years, no children and are early 30s. Another colleague piped up to say her older sister does a similar thing as she doesn't ever want to miss her family Christmas and so her husband usually goes to his own family most years.

I'd never come across this before, is this a thing? I can understand with blended families or before people are married but I assumed once you were married or very serious you spent day together and maybe alternated between families? Maybe I'm missing something and it's not such a big deal these days?

OP posts:
Highlyflavouredgravy · 03/12/2023 20:42

It's bonkers!

Snowdogsmitten · 03/12/2023 20:43

I’d rather do that than spend a year at my in-laws.

Gymmum82 · 03/12/2023 20:43

Dh and I used to do this pre children. Our first xmas together was dds first xmas.
Neither of us wanted to spend xmas with the other ones family so it seemed like a sensible solution

Newnamesameoldlurker · 03/12/2023 20:43

A friend of mine does this, I've always thought it was a bit odd/maybe a sign that she and her DH are still a bit enmeshed in their respective families of origin rather than invested in the idea of themselves as their own little family unit. But- each to their own!

Original poster
Xmasq · 03/12/2023 20:44

Highlyflavouredgravy · 03/12/2023 20:42

It's bonkers!

Well I thought it seemed a bit odd but wondered if it's a new way of doing things like having curry instead of Xmas lunch?

Some people don't want to follow dll the conventions which is fine but just can't imagine spending it away from spouse

OP posts:
Lenax · 03/12/2023 20:44

My husband and I do this all the time

BatshitCrazyWoman · 03/12/2023 20:44

I first heard about people doing that on here. I think it's odd, but it's no skin off my nose if they do that.

PermanentTemporary · 03/12/2023 20:44

It's not what I'd choose necessarily but why not? At least it means zero arguments about whose Christmas traditions to follow.

XenoBitch · 03/12/2023 20:44

That sounds sensible to me. But then I could never understand or get on board with all the stress of having to travel all ways to visit everyone, or take it in turns each year with each family.

Original poster
Xmasq · 03/12/2023 20:45

Snowdogsmitten · 03/12/2023 20:43

I’d rather do that than spend a year at my in-laws.

I suppose if there's conflict or stress with in laws then apart is sensible option

OP posts:
Grammarpolicenenaw · 03/12/2023 20:45

If they are both happy with this arrangement then who cares.
I've heard of this many times and if it works fair play to them.

itsmylife7 · 03/12/2023 20:46

Sounds perfect to me. No arguments about who's parents to visit.

Just because you're married or live together, you don't need to be joined at the hip.

HDready · 03/12/2023 20:46

We did it pre-kids. We didn’t live near either side of family, and each wanted to spend a solid few days with our family (which is difficult to do with the rest of the year due to people taking different annual leave). As my ever practical DH said, we spent every other day of the year together!

Tandora · 03/12/2023 20:47

Lots of couples do this if they don’t have children. Might not be everyone’s choice but it’s fairly common and see no reason why it should be an issue 🤷🏼‍♀️. Also makes sense if you spend the rest of the time with your partner that you might want some broader family time at Christmas!

Snowdogsmitten · 03/12/2023 20:47

Xmasq · 03/12/2023 20:45

I suppose if there's conflict or stress with in laws then apart is sensible option

Show quote history

I’ll be honest, it’s more minor irritation and a strong yearning to stay at home for Christmas. I don’t like the idea of not waking up in my own house on Christmas morning. I’m sure some will say that makes me childish, but I want to be sure Father Christmas knows where I am. And my tree is better than everyone else’s.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 03/12/2023 20:50

This year will be my first ever Christmas away from home, and i'm 34!
Spending it at my partners, our first ever christmas together, while his family are away at his sisters, so it will be just the 2 of us, and his mums 3 dogs. I absolutely cannot wait, but i do feel guilty to be leaving my dad, even though he'll be with my sister.
Christmas stopped being a special thing to us when my mum died young at 48, it was very much her holiday, she wouldn't let anyone else help with decorations, she was perfectionist about it, and we first knew something was wrong (brain cancer) on Christmas day 2009 when she had stroke like symptoms during dinner. This will be my first real Christmas in 14 years.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 03/12/2023 20:51

Pre-kids I had one awful Christmas at my MILs house. Never ever again.

thedamnseason · 03/12/2023 20:53

I know two couples that do this. All have elderly parents and either have no kids or adult kids. They don't or can't combine families so it works well for them and they do a separate Christmas Day together.

Leafysuburb · 03/12/2023 20:55

We did this before kids. It was just easier as we both wanted to see our own parents and 'home'. Once we had kids we started doing rotations. I do miss going home and seeing my family on my own.

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 03/12/2023 20:55

I really wish I had done this laterally. We wasted so much time pandering to MILs needs that missed important time with my own parents.
DH & I talked about it just yesterday. Mil has gone now, as have my own parents, but I resent the wasted years and am angry at myself for letting it happen.

VeryQuaintIrene · 03/12/2023 20:56

I did it for years - I'm an only child and my mother was by herself, plus I'm British and MrsIrene is American with loads of family to visit herself. I have to say that it is lovely now not having to do that, but I don't think it's at all weird necessarily.

longtompot · 03/12/2023 20:58

My ds and his gf spend Christmas apart and they live together. I don't know what will happen if they get married or even have kids. It was easier for me and dh as he didn't get on with his parents so we would spend Christmas with mine, but we did do occasional years with them.

TryAgainWithFeeling · 03/12/2023 20:59

I have friends who do this - their respective families are very very different, one would hate spending it at the others family, the other would get all sorts of grief if they missed the family Christmas. Works for them! No kids, which makes the big difference.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 03/12/2023 20:59

Pre-kids, I don't think it's odd.

Musiclover234 · 03/12/2023 21:02

Highlyflavouredgravy · 03/12/2023 20:42

It's bonkers!

It’s not bonkers at all, we do the same! We both have parents we want to spend time with on Christmas plus I work some Christmas days so the ones I have off are precious. My family is important to me. As is his. We have no kids

We live together so spend the morning together have food and gifts, then spend some time apart at parents houses coming home for the evening together: we see each others families together when work shifts allow. It works well for us. No drama and all happy.