Page 3 | Spending Xmas apart. Is this a thing?

SoRainbowRhythms · 03/12/2023 21:40

If DH is working and I'm not I'll go to my family. I'd be home alone and bored otherwise.

FinallyHere · 03/12/2023 21:41

once you were married or very serious you spent day together and maybe alternated between families

There really are no rules

Do whatever works for you. Why wouldn't do what you like?

Girasoli · 03/12/2023 21:41

(Just a rough alternating, not a strict pattern of one year one set of parents and one year the other)

Pifful · 03/12/2023 21:42

As a parent of adult DC who still come home I did tentatively suggest that they might want to spend Christmas with their partners this year. They both said no and will be coming here while their partners go to their parents.
Of course I love their company and will miss it once they do decide to have Christmas at their own homes.
DH and I only stayed home once we had children but we did visit family jointly, my parents on Christmas day and his on boxing day.

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 03/12/2023 21:42

Xmasq · 03/12/2023 20:41

Talking about Xmas plans with colleagues the other day and a colleague said she'd never spent Xmas with her husband, they both just go and stay with respective families and have the day there.

They've been married 5 years, no children and are early 30s. Another colleague piped up to say her older sister does a similar thing as she doesn't ever want to miss her family Christmas and so her husband usually goes to his own family most years.

I'd never come across this before, is this a thing? I can understand with blended families or before people are married but I assumed once you were married or very serious you spent day together and maybe alternated between families? Maybe I'm missing something and it's not such a big deal these days?

a colleague of mine does that too! We spend some together and some apart as our families live in different countries!

StampOnTheGround · 03/12/2023 21:44

This was also our arrangement pre-kids and it was great!

underneaththeash · 03/12/2023 21:44

I was about to post that that’s a bit sad, but people have children later now so parents are older…
we always slternated, then hosted after having children

skippy67 · 03/12/2023 21:45

We did that before we had kids. Worked really well.

ChilliPB · 03/12/2023 21:45

Toucanfusingforme · 03/12/2023 21:36

As far as I was concerned, when we married we became a new family - the two of us- so wherever we went at Christmas it was together. We didn’t want to be apart. To me, marrying involved building on the importance of our commitment to each other. I could go and see family any/every of the other day of the year. I was never thrilled to spend Christmas with the in laws, but at least I was with the man I most wanted to be with. But each to their own. It’s just a bit alien to me.

We spend all year together, we plan lots of lovely things together all year, we have a busy December with nice Christmassy things planned. However I only see some of my family once a year, we probably have a Christmas all together every five years or less.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 03/12/2023 21:45

Me and DP (no children) do this.
Our house isn’t really big enough to host, I’d find his Christmas hellish, very busy, real “piss up” culture and all family are invited, including the dinosaur racist/sexist uncles that everyone avoids the rest of the year.

He’d find mine (very chilled day, no extended family and just essentially a lazy Sunday with nicer wine and a nicer lunch) very boring.

Works for us!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 03/12/2023 21:47

My brother and his wife do this. I find it weird but it works out well for me as he is chief drink-maker.

gotomomo · 03/12/2023 21:47

Not an issue here thankfully as everyone seems to want to be at my family, even adult dad's prefer her!

LahnaMJA · 03/12/2023 21:48

Early morning together but then my partner always went off to his mum’s house, two and a half hours away.

We always put my children first and didn't want to change the familiar Christmas that they were used to - just me and them.

Notmetoo · 03/12/2023 21:48

Surely people should just do what they want. If they are happy doing that why not? It's different when you have children as you have to do what is best for them but that's not the case here.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 03/12/2023 21:48

Maybe depends how much you emotionally invest in conventions but I wouldn't like to be away from my own family at Christmas. I would be fine seeing my DH the next day!

Duvetdweller · 03/12/2023 21:49

I’m very fortunate that all our families get on so it’s an open house. We can have anything up to about 25 and it’s always a great day

LahnaMJA · 03/12/2023 21:51

Pifful · 03/12/2023 21:42

As a parent of adult DC who still come home I did tentatively suggest that they might want to spend Christmas with their partners this year. They both said no and will be coming here while their partners go to their parents.
Of course I love their company and will miss it once they do decide to have Christmas at their own homes.
DH and I only stayed home once we had children but we did visit family jointly, my parents on Christmas day and his on boxing day.

Last year, I more than tentatively suggested…😆- & it worked!

My partner and I booked a fabulous Christmas week in Budapest! 😍

GrannypantsMagee · 03/12/2023 21:51

If you are Christian, or if you are doing it for children or other important personal reason you need to be together on that particular day, fine. If not and it doesn't work to be together on December 25th, there's probably other days you can be with your partner. December 1st through to 24th, the in between bit, new years eve. As long as there's a good roast including Brussel sprouts around midwinter, I'm personally very happy.

PeloMom · 03/12/2023 21:58

Different things work for different families. I don’t think there is a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to spend the holidays

rainbowtea23 · 03/12/2023 22:08

We did this until we got married as we lived two hours away from our families with them in different directions plus we worked in retail at the time so had hardly any time off. Worked for us but it was nice that first year not having to travel back on Christmas Eve.

NerrSnerr · 03/12/2023 22:09

Newnamesameoldlurker · 03/12/2023 20:43

A friend of mine does this, I've always thought it was a bit odd/maybe a sign that she and her DH are still a bit enmeshed in their respective families of origin rather than invested in the idea of themselves as their own little family unit. But- each to their own!

We used to do this before children but for opposite reasons, we both lived miles away from family so didn't see them much throughout the year so would both go to our own families for a few days.

Musicalnames · 03/12/2023 22:12

We spent Christmas apart at our respective parents' houses before and after we were married - we've been together seven years. As other PPs, we'd rather spend the day with our own parents, siblings etc than juggle or do year about then we have boxing day together. We had a baby this year so it will be our first Christmas together and we're spending it at home. I'm feeling really weird about it, especially not waking up in my own bed at my mum's 😂

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 03/12/2023 22:12

We did this till we got married.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 03/12/2023 22:14

Surely whatever works for you. I’ve done it.

FairytaleOfKent · 03/12/2023 22:19

I celebrated the first 10 Christmas days separately from my DH. We started spending them together when we got married. We only spent two together as a childfree couple. I prioritised spending Christmas with my family because I knew I would likely be spending many Christmas days with my DH and future children. I have no regrets.